Leaving on a jet plane...

Oh goodness.
It is that time of year when we do something I never thought we could.

WE LEAVE OUR HOUSE to go on vacation.

Of course, if it were up to G we wouldn't even be going.

For the past week, I have managed to help my kids finish up their last days of school. I have shuffled some kids to the dr, I took myself to the dr, I went upstairs (AARRGGHH!!!) to find "suitable" clothes for vacation.

I packed for SEVEN people!

SEVEN

Why, because apparently I am the only one who knows how to match outfits and place the damn things in suitcases.
I don't even bother with asking anyone what they want to take.
If I have to pack it, then you don't get to decide.

I have made countless trips to Target this week because I kept forgetting something.

As I sit here tonight with a quiet house (I have to wake everyone up at 3 AM!) I am reflective on how I have done with this so called "Orange Rhino" challenge.

You want to know something??

I fucking hate Rhinos and the color orange.

I don't know what it is about vacation but packing for one sucks.
Packing for SEVEN sucks worse.
Dealing with the last days of school also sucks.
Hearing that your son left his BRAND NEW RALPH LAUREN jacket at school, on a day when the school is closed! (Totally sucks!)
Visiting the "medicine dr" to help bring your kid out of his funk sucks.
Agreeing to get both girls hair dyed with some funky streaks and then having ONE of them swim the same day SUCKS!! Yup that pretty neon pink is a softer pink now. Her reply "Well... it was a swim party and besides I like this color of pink better!" (Sucks!)
Having to clean my house so the dog sitter won't break her neck sucks.

How in the hell am I not suppose to yell with all this sucky stuff going around??

I don't know.

All I know is that whatever little lesson this crazy lady came up with, it ain't working over here.

I yell because the above stuff pisses me off.

Ok, I only really yelled about the jacket and the hair but still...

ORANGE RHINOS SUCK!!

In order to keep my ass calm it is going to take a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Perhaps I should start a PG support group.

"Do you feel like yelling? Grab some PG!"

Wait a minute...
I think this support group already exists....

AA

Maybe I can think more along these lines....

This time tomorrow I will be in the middle of the ocean..................................................... starting to feel relaxed already!!

Before & After so far!

In case you need visual proof of what 186 pounds REMOVED looks like.

BEFORE

How many chins can you count in this picture??

 

 

AFTER

Look y'all I have boobs!

Actually I thought they would be the first to go but they aren't changing cup sizes. The number around is getting smaller, hello Victoria's Secret, but the cup is still the same!

I'm getting curvy........

HELLO 1's!!!

Can I just start off by saying

HOLY SHIT!!!

I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!
I can't fucking believe I did it!
Honestly I can't!!

Ok... the number on the scale this morning.........

199

Ok, so I am barely there..... but I am there!!

This means that to date I have lost................................... DRUM ROLL PLEASE..............................

186 POUNDS
186 POUNDS
186 POUNDS

That is more than my girlfriends weigh!

HOLY SHIT

While I was at Dr. Takemyfatawaynow's office he kept staring at me. (SWOON!)

I finally stopped talking and asked him why he was staring at me.
The man actually blushed!! (SWOON)

Then he told me that he was noticing how small my face looks.
You see there was only a 2 pound difference on the scale from my last visit but he assured me that even though the scale shows 2 pounds, my body shows something completely different.
Then he proceeded to show me some print outs from his fancy schmancy scale and told me that since my last visit. Even though the scale shows 2 pounds I have lost over 10 pounds in FAT!

He made me feel so much better.
All my stress and anxiety of the last year nearly faded when he looked me in the face, blushed and told me my face looked small.

Now my stress is back because we leave for vacation Sunday (flight is at 7 AM) and here it is Thursday and I have not packed yet.

I guess I better take my CONSIDERABLY SMALLER ASS and start packing for 7!

Tomorrow I am getting my hair done and if you think I was sassy before.... you ain't seen nothin' yet!!!

This Southern girl is gonna be rockin' some serious sass tomorrow!

186 POUNDS DOWN

59 to go until I reach my goal!

Almost there!

203

I honestly can't believe it!

I am so close to the 1's now I can almost see it.

I do have bad days where I "forget" I can't just grab whatever and expect to eat it.

I am not hungry but my body thinks I am.

I think "Uhm... I think I'll have a snack."

Then 10 minutes later I'm hunched over the toilet wanting to kick my own ass.

I'm still here!

I'm still trying!

Shit I wish I was there already!

The 2s was my first goal.

The 1s are my next.

What magic number am I looking for after that??

Honestly... no freakin' clue.

All I know for sure is when I reach my goal I want to have surgery to get rid of all this damn skin. Dr. Takemyfatawaynow thinks I have about 60 pounds of skin!!!

Can you imagine getting rid of that much skin?? WOW!!!

The final surgery will be the most important....
Grab my boobs off my knees and put them where they go!

218

218

HOLY SHIT

I am only 19 pounds away from the 1's!

Since my revision, I have lost 22 pounds!!

I know that the next few months won't produce results as dramatic as this because I no longer have to eat broth!!

Whoop! Whoop!

I am on to soft foods again.

I know that when I started this blog I was honest about what I ate and what I thought of it and so forth. This time I am going to be even more honest.

Even though Dr. Takemyfatawaynow "suggested" that I don't drink alcohol, I did last Wednesday.
You see I went on a girls outing to Dallas to see Wicked.
Before the show we went to Twisted Root Burger Company for dinner.
This is a place that was featured on Diners, Drive ins and Dives so you know their food is AWESOME!

Well my bff LK ordered the burger I was drooling over.
It had bacon and blue cheese on it.
How can it not be fabulous??

Well we decided to split our dinner and I asked her to cut off 1/4 of that burger.
I removed the bun and immediately ate the bacon. YUM
Then I started to eat the burger portion with the blue cheese with a fork.
(Did I mention I had water while all the other bitches I was with were drinking beer??) LOL
I must mention that even though I probably only ate 1/2 of that burger, I also ate some fried pickles, like 4 of them. :)

Then we drove to Wicked and I immediately found the bar. (I know, its a gift!)
I ordered a vodka/cranberry... no bubbles.
OMG!!!
I am not sure if its because I hadn't had an "adult beverage" in forever or what but I sipped that sucker to try and make it last.

Let's say I am a cheap drunk again because when everyone else went to refill their drinks I was afraid to. You see I love my friends and they love me but even still nobody needs to be carrying my "stillfatass" to the car.

Even though I had 1 drink I felt kinda guilty.
You see I want my Dr. to be proud of me.
I want to be the patient that exceeds all the others.
I want to walk into his office and have him say "WOW!"

He already told me that I'm doing great and when I mentioned to him that I have a tricycle he said he wanted a picture of me on it just for him.(SWOON!!)

Then he said, when I reach my goal weight he wants a picture of me on it to put on his website.

Website? Smebsite!

When I reach my goal he is gonna want to put me on a billboard!!

254

254

That is the number that has been on my scale for EVER.
I tried exercising. I watched what I ate. I even tried to be nicer.

and yet....

254

No matter what, there was no change.

254
254
254

I know that this seems like a ridiculously high number to see on the scale.
You're right!
254 is a huge number.
But you know what??

384

That number is much higher.

384

That is the number that I saw when I was at a doctor's visit.
384
That is the number that haunted me as I approached 40.

How in the hell did I get myself in this position?
How in the hell did I get to be so fucking fat?
384
The sad part....
I didn't see it.
I actually thought I looked good.
What in the hell was I thinking?
NOBODY looks good at 384 pounds!

 

 

I thought I looked HOT in this picture.

HOT

HOLY SHIT what was I thinking???

How many freakin' chins can you count??

How round is my face??

What in the hell was I thinking??

 

So you know what I did. I had gastric bypass.

And for the past year all I have seen on the scale is

254

254 is better than 384

254 is better but not good.

 

So you know what I did.

I jumped through some pretty large hoops and decided to have a revision done.

You see it seems as though some people's bodies reject the gastric bypass.

Mine did that.

I did what I was suppose to MOST OF THE TIME

Yes, I'm not suppose to drink beer but sometimes I do.

I can't help it. I love dark beer on draft and if I have to drink a bottle I prefer Peroni and Belgium 1554.

 

A few beers didn't sabotage me.

 

Well before I went on my girls trip this year I went back to my liquid diet for a while so I could get in a smaller size.

It worked.

I wore a size 18 and the number was 248

248

248 but with my "fatsucker" that I bought at Target I was able to zip (while laying down) a pair of size 16 bling butt jeans.

248

248 is better than 254 but not much better.

 

Then I started doing the liquid diet again to get ready for my revision when I found out I had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

 

After my hysterectomy the scale said 244.

244

244 is better than 248 but I did have my uterus, tubes and ovaries taken out.

 

The night following my revision surgery the nurse said I weighed 240.

You see I was on a bed with a built in scale or something.

240

240 is better than the 254 I saw forever.

 

Well today I went to visit Dr. Takemyfataway to get my jp drain removed.

I was trying to decide what to wear and I reached for my size 16 bling butt jeans I bought for my girls trip.

Well obviously I couldn't wear my fat sucker because of the drain.

(Shit, I was lucky I could put my bra on!!)

 

While STANDING I put on my size 16 jeans and there seemed to be some wiggle room in the waist.

 

 

223

223

 

223 is what the scale said with bling butt jeans ON, a shirt on and a jp drain still attached!!

 

223

 

Is 223 the number I want to be at??

Hell no!

Is 223 a good start??

Hell yes!

 

Am I in pain from my surgery?

Yes

Am I on a liquid diet right now?

Yes

Am I sick of broth?

Yes

Am I sick of feeling like crap?

Yes

Am I sick of not being able to drive?

Yes

Am I sick of being forced to rest?

Yes

Am I sick of asking people for help?

YES

Did all those feelings go away when I saw 223 on the scale??

HELL YES

 

You see, I am in pain. I am sick of broth. I am sick of "resting". I am sick of not being able to drive.

I am sick of asking people for help.

 

However, I know that it will be worth it.

 

To some I may seem shallow trying to look my best.

To others, I am really no different from anyone else who tries to look good.

 

384 didn't look good to me.

254 didn't look good to me.

 

What will look good to me?

I can't say for sure.

 

I do know that I am on the right path no matter how hard this path may be this is what I have chosen for myself.



What's Going on??

Ok... time for some explanations..

Yes I have basically had 2 back to back surgerys.
The first one was a total hysterectomy on Feb 28th.
The second one was on MONDAY.

For stupid insurance reasons I had to jump through a bunch of hoops but it boils down to the fact that at 12 on Monday I went in for surgery.

The results are as follows...

 

3 inches was removed from my intestines

3/4 of my original pouch was cut off

a hernia was found and fixed while he was in there

 

So that is what I had done. The surgery lasted approximately 4 1/2 hours.

Once again I showed slow recovery with a low heartbeat and I couldn't keep my oxygen stats up.

They put me on oxygen and monitored me around the clock.

They made me get up from my hospital bed around midnight to walk the hallways and go to the restroom.

They kinda laughed at me when I asked for a toothbrush. :)

They came in my room every hour or so. I was hooked up to a morphine pump but I also had a medicine ball attached to the "sorest" area.

The next day I passed my upper gi test but my blood pressure went to 89/46 but gradually went up to 99/50. They put me back on oxygen and told me to get comfortable because I wasn't leaving anytime soon.

Wednesday I asked (begged) to go home. My blood pressure eventually went up a little, they took away my pump and said that if the blood results were good I could leave.

I got home Wednesday night around 7.

I missed my kids. I missed their smiles and their sweet voices.

Now I am home. I feel miserable but at least I knew what was basically going to happen.

This surgery is being labeled "revision".

IF I thought for one minute that the original gastric bypass hurt, then I clearly had no idea what pain was because this sucker is knocking me out!

 

Now, you know what I did and why I was in the hospital.

 

Hopefully by summertime, I will be really cute again. ;)

 

Thank you to all my friends who called to check on me. Your calls meant the world to me!