Girls Cruise

Ok so I went to see Hot Doc, aka Dr. Takemyfatawaynow! (More on that visit in another blog!)

I wasn't really looking forward to my appointment because I had spent the previous week consuming many "liquid calories"! Yes folks, I drank! I drank a lot actually. I even did a few shots! Yes, I know Hot Doc said "no shots, no alcohol, no carbonation, avoid ice cream, avoid pizza, avoid anything tasty".. Ok, he didn't say the last one but you get the idea.

Well I blew all the rules on my recent girls cruise...

I drank LOTS. I even drank some beer.

Ok, I didn't actually drink it. I took a big gulp and let it sit in my mouth until it absorbed away. (I know... GENIOUS!!)

I drank margaritas (2 at a time) and mexican water (tequila).
I drank wine... oh how I missed you pinot grigio!
I drank mojitos.
I drank sweet tea vodka.
I drank vodka with cranberry.
I drank things that people fixed me that were super yummy!
I had shots called buttery nipples and shots called lemon drops.

I forgot to mention that the Bartender bought ME a few drinks!!! Is that even possible?? I haven't had anyone, male wise, buy me drinks in years! I asked him why he wouldn't let me pay for it and he said "I think you are a very pretty lady!!" What? HOLY SHIT!!!

I have to say that was a great line!!

Yes folks, I went on my girls cruise and I drank everyday!
Now, when you haven't really drank for 5 months and then all of a sudden that is what you do for most of the evening... yeah you can guess.. I was pretty hammered.

I was so drunk I got on stage and did karaoke!
What was the song choice you ask? Baby Got Back!
Now imagine for a moment, 8 married ladies in matching t shirts and purple cowboy hats, singing Baby Got Back. (Last I checked, we were NOT on Youtube but I am sure there is video out there somewhere! Why do I think that? Every where we went... people knew we were the "Purple hat ladies from karaoke!")
Oh, did I mention that was the FIRST night of our cruise??

Just imagine the rest of the cruise...

There was a club called "Stripes" on the ship and, except for 1 or 2 nights, I was in there everynight until it closed at 3! (This is where the pizza and ice cream come into play!)

Oh and I met the weirdest man on earth in Stripes. Yes, I had my ego pumped by my cute bartender Alan (A lon) and shot down by creepy guy. I think this man was traveling by himself but I am really not sure. All I know is that when LK, LH and CM were being hit on by Hot guys, I had creepy man on my side. Oh joy!

Do you know what his pick up line to me was?

Are you ready for it?

It is probably the worst pick up line in history!

"In my country... boobs are taxed!"

Yes folks it was one of those moments when you realize that no amount of alcohol is going to make that sound any better. Would you like to know what my reply was??

"In my country... boobs are free unless you want bigger ones or no longer want them hitting the floor!" 

Yes, I know it was stupid but did I mention I was not able to feel my lips at this point??

Well even in my drunken stuper I was able to attract the creepy guy and my line made him like me even more... Oh joy oh joy oh joy!

Everytime I saw him after that, he stroked my arm when he spoke to me.
I wonder if that is why I took a shower after every encounter or frantically searched for hand sanitizer......

Everytime creepy man tried to dance with me, my friends LK, LH & CM would grab my hand and lead me onto the dance floor, where even I was able to dance with boys that were 22 & 23.

Hey, we were just dancing and who am I to turn down some hot boys? If they choose to dance with me, then I chose to dance right back with them. Of course, I had to leave the dance floor several times to "go sit down". But that is what you should say when you can no longer feel your lips, feet or hands.

All in all, we had a lovely time and I came home with 5 new Facebook friends.

Is it a bad idea that I came home and wanted to go to San Antonio to visit a roller rink?? Yeah probably is... those boys were pretty hot though!

Even if I am old enough to be their mother......