Miracle #5 Update

Ok... so it has been a little while since I blogged about little h.
I tried to explain into words what was happening.
Well we have had some new developments that I feel like I am not mentally prepared to deal with.

I have found another PINK song that helps my words...

Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

 

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by by by

 



But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

 

 

It started 3 weeks ago when h got mad at school and made a statement of wanting to kill himself.
Are you thinking "What the hell?" right now?? I know I sure was. What 7 year old thinks of this??

Well this happened during a week when I was at h's school running the Holiday Shop. I was there ALL DAY everyday for a week. I spoke with the counselor and asked if she believed he was serious. She told me that although his words did raise some flags she said that his words didn't raise all the flags. To me, I felt that she didn't believe him. (My thoughts). So I did what I figured any parent would do. We went home and had "the talk". I basically told him that saying things like he did scares people. I also told him that if he ever said anything of that nature again then I would drive his butt straight back to Cook's for another psych evaluation and possible admittance. The next day was h's appointment with his psychiatrist so I told Dr Pleasefuckinghelpmyson what he had said at school. For those worried that I talked in front of h, I did NOT. (Every week, I take the first 5 minutes of h's time to talk about the events of the week. Then h talks on his own for the next 55 minutes.)
Well we agreed that Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson would explain to h what our plan was.
Basically... get it together or we are checking you into Sundance (8 week program instead of Cook's 10 day).

h got the message and started back to school without saying anything freaky.
Then I got a call a week ago Monday. I was not home and had plans for the day.
They said "COME GET HIM!" I was shocked because I had heard that once he was in BIC then I wouldn't get anymore comegethim phone calls. I asked what was wrong and they said that he became VERY agitated at school and told someone he wanted to kill himself. WTF???
So I figured it was another "IsaidsomethingstupidwhileIwasmad" speech so I dismissed it and told them I would pick him up around 1:30 when I got home. At first they said that was fine. Then I received another phone call saying that was NOT fine. So, I called my neighbor across the street and asked her to get him. (h and all my kids think of these neighbors as grandparents!)
When I got home at 1:30 I went to get him from SR. She said that he was fine. He helped her with some Christmas decorations and then played on her computer. She didn't see him as a danger to himself at all. In the end I made the decision to take him to Cooks anyways. I had told him if he ever said it again, we were going so we did. I made arrangements for my other 4 with SR and SV. h screamed at me the entire drive there saying how much I hate him. At this point I just told him that I loved him too much to argue and then I turned the volume on the radio up.

When we got to Cooks the check in guy asked why we were there. I looked him straight in the eye and started crying. Somehow I got the words out and we were evaluated right away.  Just like in September, the psych ward intake people interviewed us. They finally determined that he was good to go home and suggested Sundance. We got home around 6:30. G came home and took the boys to boy scouts at 7. (Personally I didn't think h should go but G insisted it was good for him.) They got home around 8:30 and I sent h to bed. What happened next had NEVER EVEN been on my radar.

We got a knock on the door at 9:30 at night by CPS!

Yup, thats right. Someone at the school that I spend so much of my fucking free time at called CPS on me.

Welcome to my world! If you want to stop reading now I completely understand because I can't guarantee that my language will get any better...


Still here???
Ok, I will continue....

CPS! My first thought that came to my head is "HOLY SHIT!"

Luckily for the first time in my life my filter on my tongue worked.

They told me that they were the "Emergency Night Crew". (HOLY SHIT)

Then they saw my other 4, who hadn't gone to bed yet, and asked me how many children I had. When I told them that h was the youngest of 5 they both looked at each other with the "we'renotpreparedforthis!" look on their faces.
Then they requested to talk "alone". NO KIDS in the room! NO SPOUSE in the room! So I sent HKL and D to bed and then I sent G to bed too and directed the CPS people to my couch.

They proceeded to ask me a TON of questions about h and what happened at school.
I told them that I knew about what happened and I also told them that I drove him straight to Cooks when I got home.
When I told them this, they were clearly shocked and also looked at me like I was lying.
I asked them if they wanted to read my discharge papers and when they said Yes, I showed it to them. They then looked at me straight in the face and said "You just made our jobs a lot easier!".
That is when the rest of the conversation begins to blur.
You see my stomach dropped and suddenly I realized these 2 CPS workers were there to take my child away from me.
I feel with every fiber of my being that they would have if I had not taken him to Cooks.

I ended up answering their questions for 2 hours. I told them about how I punish the kids. I told them the medicines that the kids are on. I told them I did NOT take any medicine (with the exception of pepcid). Every question they asked I answered with nothing but pure honesty. I told them that h had a pediatrician, a medicine doctor, a pediatric dentist and a psychiatrist when they asked me if we had doctors for the kids. They asked me how often we see the psychiatrist and I told them "every Wednesday at 4".

They then asked me how I deal with stress.
I was confused my this question and asked them to clarify.
I told them that I am a mom of 5 children so I "just do".
I told them that I have some awesome friends (GP, LK & SV) and I talk to them nearly everyday and they help me more than anyone.
I also told them that I take a girls trip every year. I explained that I deal with stress by thinking of how many days are left before my annual trip (40).
They asked if they could talk to my children at school.

I told them yes but they had to be sure that it was done with discretion. Then they talked to G for about 5 minutes (with me in the room) and proceeded to take pictures of h sleeping, my pantry, my banister and my dishes in my sink.
They left around 11:45 and stayed in their car, across the street, for another 45 minutes!!

Tuesday came.........
I explained to the kids who were at our house and why they were there. I also told them that they would be interviewed at school. My kids said "What should we tell them?" I looked at my kids straight in the eyes and told them that they needed to answer the questions with "total honesty".
Then I told h I was going to make him a one time deal.

The deal.....
Get your shit together and get out of the BIC room and back into your normal classroom.
Stop saying scarey stuff.
If this is done then I will allow him to stay in the schools aftercare program while I am gone on my girls trip.
If this is NOT done then I will drive him to Sundance immediately with no questions asked.
I then reminded him that if he is in Sundance while I'm gone then his daddy has to go to work late everyday to drop him off and he has to leave work early everyday to pick him up.
I also told him that if he is in Sundance then he will no longer be able to see Dr. S. (I call him Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson) because he will be under another doctors care.
I then said "The choice is yours because I am DONE!"

Wednesday came....
h earned enough points to join his class for Math!
CPS came and interviewed my children at school.
ALL my kids answered with honesty except for K!
He told them that I locked them outside for punishment and G spanked over and over and over again.

Thank GOD for H! They interviewed her after K.
She told them that K is in a "lying phase" and the only time I ever lock them outside is when I am carrying presents from my van to the closet.

Saw Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson and told him of our "deal" and CPS.

Thursday came...
h earned enough points to join his class for ELAR and Math!

Friday came...
h earned enough points to be in his class ALL DAY!!

Weekend came...
Monday came...
h stayed in class ALL DAY!

Tuesday came...
I called my friend who used to work for CPS for advice.

Wednesday came...
h stayed in class ALL DAY!
For the first time since seeing the psychiatrist, I didn't have to talk to him alone!

Thursday came (yesterday)...
I received a phone call from our CPS case worker. She said that she needed to interview some people for character witnesses. I explained to her that our Principal offered to be one. Then she asked if I could email her h's discharge papers from Cook's. I assured her that I would and she told me that she would most likely be closing the case soon.

So today is Friday and my stress level is evening out for the most part. I have emailed our case worker and now I wait.

I want everyone to know that if it was not for GP, LK, SV, SR and SS I am not sure I would be so "together" right now. I owe these people for their unwavering support. This has been one of the darkest days of my life. I love these ladies more than they will ever know.

Please continue to pray for my family because this is something we will be dealing with for the rest of our lives. Right now h is on the right path and I pray to God everyday that he stays on this path.

Thank you for your continued support, prayers and for not judging us.