A new poem to sum up my life

A new day and a new dollar

my family makes me want to holler.

My spouse is acting like a jerk.

I wish he would go out of town for work.

My eleven year old has her hormones out of whack.

I wish she would start already and get back on track.

My triplets are an interesting bunch.

K is an adult favorite and is sweet as can be.

But he makes me nuts when he acts so crazy.

L is funny, smart and witty.

But her meaness is usually directed to her sissy.

D is the peacemaker most of the time.

But he can bullshit with the best at the drop of a dime.

I know they will go far in life, and that's not just a hunch.

My youngest is the one that makes my hair go grey.

His nutty behavior changes day by day.

My dog is co-dependent, sad but true.

When he is really excited he can howl "I love you!".

This is my life, sometimes crazy sometimes fun.

I wish I could have an endless supply of rum!

Hallelulah!! Hallelulah!! CRACK is in my posession once again!!

For those loyal (but few) followers, I thought I would share with you some very exciting news....

I will NEVER run out of crack again!!!

Yes, you read it right. I have been kinda sabotaging my weightloss with self loathing and depression lately as I deal with everything around me....

An 11 year old hormonal monster that has taken over my sweet girl.
8 year old triplets that are so opinionated I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A 6 year old Kindergartner who has actually been suspended this year but continues to draw "I LOVE MOM" notes for me.
A dog that is following me around like I have limited time left on this Earth.
A spouse that is on my everlastfuckingnerve it is amazing I haven't stabbed him in his sleep! (NOTE TO SELF... UNLIMITED TEXTING PLAN WAS A BAD IDEA!!!)

Back to my story....
I have been pounding the pavement looking for my crack.
Sometimes CVS will carry it. The one down the street had it for a while then it disappeared from the shelves. The CVS with the rocket launcher driveway has been known to carry it but they didn't have it the last time I was there.

So there I was... sitting and looking on my laptop... on amazon... when I decided to type it into the search box...
I FOUND IT!!
NOT ONLY DID I FIND IT BUT THEY SELL IT IN AN 8 PACK!!
AND
IF YOU'RE DESPERATE ENOUGH...

IT IS AVAILABLE ON THEIR "CONVENIENT AUTOMATIC RE-ORDER PLAN"!!!!

If you have never seen me this happy then get used to it... I will never run out again!!!

In case you're wondering what my crack looks like.....



Oh Happy Day!!

Feeling Guilty

Ok, I have not been on here in over a month.

Why? Is that what you are asking?

Let's see....
I have been super busy with my elementary school. No, I don't own or even work at one. You see my Kindergartener is giving his teacher problems. Am I surprised? No not really. I mean this is the kid who got kicked out of 2 preschools!
I guess I just expected more.....

I never knew I would get so many phone calls from the school telling me about my son's latest behavior.

This is so hard for me because as a parent you always want whats best for your children. Yet, as a parent you get so totally embarresed when you hear about what stunt your kid has pulled.

Did you know that he got suspended for a day???
YUP! I am the mom of that kid at school.

How is this possible??

I always knew he was quirky and loud but suspension???

Oh, in related news this Kindergartener also made the GATE (gifted and talented education) program at school.
4 Kindergarteners made it and he is one of them.
In fact when the Principal suggested that I look at his scores I figured... "Ok, so he barely made it in GATE!"
You know what???
He actually scored in the top 2% of the school!!! (His school is K-4.)

So instead of weighing myself regularly, I find myself wishing I could be somewhere else when it is time to pick him up from school.

Why do I feel this way?
Is it normal?

Didn't I want all these kids?

Didn't we spend a fortune on fertility?

Did God give me this one to keep me humble?
He is the miracle "you can't have babies without fertility" baby.

I know he will do something really important in life but for now I have to keep myself moving forward somehow.

In desperation moments like this I find myself trying to sabotage my success again.
Why am I doing this?
Is this my way of coping with my new norm?

I think it might be time to see a shrink or the liquor section.........