Feeling Guilty

Ok, I have not been on here in over a month.

Why? Is that what you are asking?

Let's see....
I have been super busy with my elementary school. No, I don't own or even work at one. You see my Kindergartener is giving his teacher problems. Am I surprised? No not really. I mean this is the kid who got kicked out of 2 preschools!
I guess I just expected more.....

I never knew I would get so many phone calls from the school telling me about my son's latest behavior.

This is so hard for me because as a parent you always want whats best for your children. Yet, as a parent you get so totally embarresed when you hear about what stunt your kid has pulled.

Did you know that he got suspended for a day???
YUP! I am the mom of that kid at school.

How is this possible??

I always knew he was quirky and loud but suspension???

Oh, in related news this Kindergartener also made the GATE (gifted and talented education) program at school.
4 Kindergarteners made it and he is one of them.
In fact when the Principal suggested that I look at his scores I figured... "Ok, so he barely made it in GATE!"
You know what???
He actually scored in the top 2% of the school!!! (His school is K-4.)

So instead of weighing myself regularly, I find myself wishing I could be somewhere else when it is time to pick him up from school.

Why do I feel this way?
Is it normal?

Didn't I want all these kids?

Didn't we spend a fortune on fertility?

Did God give me this one to keep me humble?
He is the miracle "you can't have babies without fertility" baby.

I know he will do something really important in life but for now I have to keep myself moving forward somehow.

In desperation moments like this I find myself trying to sabotage my success again.
Why am I doing this?
Is this my way of coping with my new norm?

I think it might be time to see a shrink or the liquor section.........