Fruits and Nuts

All my life I've heard...
If?
Ifs and buts
were fruits and nuts
we'de all have a
Merry Christmas.
AND
What if?

What if frogs had wings?

Then they wouldn't bump their butt everytime they hopped!

Well back when the Cardinals were 0 and 10 in August I said

"Wouldn't it be cool if the Cards were in the World Series with the Rangers?"

Most everybody laughed at me, even the ones that are "rooting for the Cards now"! (Fair weather fans!)

Then they had to play the Phillies.

I said... "Yup they will win and play the Rangers!"

I was told "There is no way the Cards can beat the Phillies!"

(We know how that one turned out!)

Then the NLCS came and once again I said "Cards are going to win and play the Rangers in the Series!"

Again I was laughed at.

(Who's laughing now?)

All this time I was rooting for the Rangers of course.
I dragged my family to about 10 games this year.
The only one that didn't complain was H!

So, I said "If the Cards play the Rangers in the World Series, then Hannah and I are going to go!"

Game 1 of the Series I said "This is going to go 7 games and the Rangers will win by 1!"
I was able to score 2 tickets to Game 4 on ebay! When G found out how much I paid for EACH he decided that H should definetly go with me instead of him. (LOL!)

We had a blast!

In fact, we had so much fun I came home and looked on StubHub for tickets to Game 6 & 7. Sunday evening there were tickets available on StubHub for a little over the $175 face value. That's right folks there were seats available for $225!! (A LOT LESS than what I paid for Game 4!)

I seriously contimplated it. I thought we could go and visit all our friends and family while we're there!

Then I decided to "sit on it".

Last night I looked again... this time the Standing Room Only tickets were $450 EACH!!

Ifs and Buts!!!

If

I had bought the tickets I would be in St. Louis right now!!

If

I had placed a wager in Vegas in August I would probably be watching the game from some ALL INCLUSIVE resort with my buddies!

But

Now here we are a few short hours away from Game 7 of the World Series and instead of getting ready at a friend's house and driving to the stadium OR sitting on a beach somewhere, I am getting ready to drive to the school to pick up my 5 kids!

I think for dinner we might have some fruit and nuts.....   Oh What if???

GO RANGERS!!





Are my nipples straight?

Ok one quick question before I get into my doctor appointment....

WHY do all waiting rooms feel like you stepped into an icebox (freezer for you younger peeps)??

I mean seriously I would like the answer to the above question. You see I went to the place that did my MRI today so that I could get a copy of the films. It was freezing in there!

Then... I drove to thebraindoctor and that office was freezing too. The longer I sat there the more I wondered if my nipples were straight. I immediately thought of my good friend GP and a night in an Austin hotel room. She simply said "Are those your nipples??" Yup they were pretty much dragging the ground at the time and she was amazed at how low and alert they were!

So as I sat in the freezing waiting room, listening to the loud ticking clock and thinking that I could smell chicken, I hoped my nipples were straight since they were obviously "awake". I think the man reading his book was hoping he could hit himself in the head with that clock after noticing me trying to "adjust the old girls" nonchalantly!

Back to my appt.....

My blood pressure was elevated again (148/99). Dr. N came in to go over the x-ray and MRI results.

My neck pain is caused from TENSION!! You see, a normal person's neck is suppose to be "c shaped" from a side profile and mine is pretty much straight. She said it is straight because all the muscles in my neck are pulling on the top of the spine.

My migraines are "more than likely" caused from my vitamin deficiencies. She thinks that once my B12 and D are straightened out then all will be ok on the migraine front.

The MRI films that had my physician and the radiologist thinking ms....

Yes, there are some lesions in the brain. However, she does not feel that they are ms. She said they are just something that we can monitor for now.

So we got good news today!
\
TENSION??? What in the hell do I have to be stressful about?
Oh... waiting on MRI results that showed "abnormalties"?
Wondering if my migraines will ever quit?
Worrying about a friend in the hospital?
Not knowing if my husband was going to survive the current round of layoffs?
Worrying if my son, who had so many problems last year, is having good days?
Worrying if we will ever find the right ADHD meds for my other son?
Worrying about my hormonal daughter and hoping she doesn't act at school the way she acts at home sometimes?
Worrying about my other daughter that seems to be getting meaner everyday?
Worrying about if I will ever be able to sit at a computer screen long enough to finish something that was due weeks ago?
Wondering if I will ever get out of my depression funk and be more productive during the day?
Worrying about if I am being a good enough wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that I can be??

On second thought maybe I should just go suck it up and get a massage.... even though I hate them and constantly think about other things while I'm getting one...... OR maybe I should just have a glass of wine and call it an early night!

R E L I E F? Is that how you spell no more pain??

Relief?

Not yet... I honestly think it might be time to take me out back.

Yesterday I went to the Neurologist. As I waited in the waiting room there was an old couple rustling papers, a chatty cathy that didn't know how the hell to shut up, a lady reading a book and a really weird chic that kept staring at me. She finally said that she liked my flip flops. Then she said she liked my shirt. Then she said I was pretty. (In the words of my children... AWKWARD!) Do you know the best part of the waiting room?? The loudest ticking clock on the planet. Part of me wanted to pull the clock off the wall and hit the weird chic in the head with it.... I did refrain..... this time.

Are you wondering about the MRI?? My fucking doctor didn't send the film over like he said he was going to do so we didn't get to discuss that too much.
She asked if they did an MRI on my neck as well as my head and I said no. She asked if I had complained about my neck and I said YES. She took a deep sigh and said she wanted me to get it xray'd because she felt something in my neck. I did that today and I wish I could read xrays because these pictures are pretty cool.

She also saw that my bloodwork showed extremely low levels of vitamin B12 and vitamin D. Yeah the bloodwork that was done a month ago that my fucking doctor didn't bother to call in prescriptions for. On top of everything else my blood pressure was way high today (138/101) and I am normally 118/78. I did end up with a shot in my neck (that hurt like hell!) that brought me minimal relief for about 30 min yesterday afternoon. She did say that I handled the shot very well. She said in her India accent "Most of my patients jump off the table during this so you are doing very well!" I told her that I didn't think that would be a good idea since she had a big ass needle in my neck. That made her laugh! :)

Oh the abnormalities?? Yeah turns out they are lesions that might show ms but we wont know that for sure until my follow up appt in 3 weeks or when/if I come in to discuss my xray findings. You can be sure that if they call me to come in to talk about the xrays I will have those damn MRI films IN MY HAND!

I came home with 6 prescriptions and I woke up this morning feeling MUCH MUCH better.
Are my headaches gone?
No
Are they bearable?
Yes
In fact I didn't cry one time today while the kids were in school so I feel like I have already gotten better.

The bummer part is that I get to give myself shots again to help my B12 deficiency. (SHIT! I thought I was done with that crap when I stopped fertility!)

Migrainegate

Ok so most of you probably know that I consider myself to have a pretty high tolerance for pain. 

Well almost 4 weeks ago I woke up with a migraine in the front of my head. It was a Saturday, G went in to work and I was alone with the kids. It was a pretty laid back Saturday, no soccer games yet and I had planned to take the kids to the pool. We didn't make it to the pool because I spent most of the day crying on the couch. You see I don't get migraines EVER. So I have never understood the pain that people talk about until now.

Sunday was worse because this migraine traveled to the back of my head. So now it was hurting in the front and the back all day! It got so bad I actually considered driving myself to the ER, with all 5 kids in tow. Instead G came home from work and took the kids to the pool... I went to bed!

Monday was a nightmare. I wanted so badly to go to the doctor but KL&D had their 9 year appointment that day.

Tuesday I go to my doctor thinking I am going to get some relief after nearly 4 days of misery. They suggested that I get the shot in the hip. You see this shot "instantly relieves all migraines, but it does sting a bit". A bit? Who the hell are they kidding. That shot was worse than the strep throat shot!  I ain't gonna sugar coat it for you... That fucker HURT! Then came "after you leave here, I would suggest going home and relaxing in a dark and quiet room". REALLY?? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?? Have I not been here for YEARS? Do you not know that in less than 1 hour I will be picking my 5 children up from school?? (The only dark quiet room I can kinda be alone in is the "water closet", although I like to call it the toilet room!) The doctor also suggested I call to tell them how I was feeling. I called later on in the day and said the following... "That shot you gave me? Did it help? NO!In fact, now my head and my ass hurt!!"

Apparently that was a one sided laughing phone conversation....... (Note to self, doctor offices have no sense of humor.)

Wednesday I called again and they called in a prescription (Imitrex). I took it and instantly threw up and felt like my big ass van was sitting on my head.

So you get the pattern... I call complaining, they call in prescription, I call complaining, they call in something else.... A CT was ordered and the results came back normal.
The next step was an MRI. In the meantime, I had to "wait it out" until the MRI. So basically, NO RELIEF after nearly 2 weeks. So I did the MRI and less than 2 hours later the doctors office called me.

This time the results weren't normal...

"Your MRI showed some abnormalities that require the assistance of a neurologist. We will call you in a strong pain reliever and work at getting your referral in order. Once your referral is done, we will call you with an appointment time. Oh and you should probably limit your driving."

Ok... what do you think your reaction would be??
Honestly my first reaction was relief!
No the migraines haven't affected my thinking yet... I was hoping they would find something so that they can fix it. Did I expect them to say abnormalities and neurologist in the same sentence? Hell no. Oh and the "limit your driving"... yeah we had soccer practice that night in Crowley so I didn't really follow that one either.

So now here I am 3 1/2 weeks in with the worlds worst migraine...

I got some pain medicine.
It is in the form of a nasal spray.
It makes me feel like someone just shot the inside of my nose with a blow torch.
Maybe that is why I start to feel a little less pressure... because I am crying from the pain up my nose!

The good news about the nasal pain medicine...
I can take it every 8 hours.
The bad news is...
I can only take it at night because it pretty much makes me completely useless before it knocks me on my ass for the night.

I did finally get me an appointment with a neurologist.
Yup it is NEXT WEDNESDAY.

Oh goody... another week of total misery.

ON a positive note, the person that said "limit your driving" was apparently drunk at the time because I don't have to do that.

Although it is kinda hard to drive down the road with a bag of frozen peas on your head..........

Oohhh La La

Ok, so I have to say a really funny story.

There is a guy on my street who is a snake. Literally. The guy had his wife & married girlfriend pregnant at the same time. SCANDELOUS!! Then his wife went ape shit crazy when he moved in with the girlfriend. Then she went real ape shit crazy and ran away with the kids. Girlfriend and Snake found the kids, moved them in with them, their son and her daughter. Mom? She is spending some vacation time behind bars....

So anyways, back to Snake...

I have recently taken up the hobby of walking 4 of my kids to school in the mornings. I figured I could get some exercise and the stupid crazy ass parents that drive won't piss me off as much. (I mean WHO honks at the people in a school drop off lane?? The idiot that was behind me one day!!!)

So Tuesday we were walking and I had a nice outfit on because I was scheduled to see the dr about a 4 day migraine. (about that later)
So nice outfit for me means... top that shows a little cleavage and some pants that look kinda cute.

Well we were walking and I don't think Snake has seen me lately so he took a second glance and said "Kim?". I replied back with "Oh hey Snake (said his actual name), how's it going?"
His reply?
"You look good!"
I giggled like a school girl and said "Thanks!"
I kept walking and felt like someone was staring at me.
I turned around to check on my slow walking child and noticed that Snake was STARING at me. Funny thing is Girlfriend noticed too and started giving him an earful.

I have to say that I giggled all the way to the school.

Ironically enough my beautiful friend PS yelled "Wooo whoo Hot Momma" out her car window at me as I was walking.

So for all my peeps that see me on a regular basis I will be wearing that outfit ALL the time now! HaHa!!

Crock-Pot Lasagna

Tonight on Facebook, I posted this:

Crock-Pot Lasagna



Well apparently I posted it right around dinner time because before I knew it there were like a thousand requests for the recipe (ok, just 3 or 4 but I think more wanted to say it, they just couldn't because they were wiping the saliva off thier computer screens!).

So for all my loyal Facebook friends, this is for you. A recipe I concocted all by myself, with a little help from Jessica Steinfeld. Ok, so basically it is her recipe but I added meat so you can kinda say its my recipe. Note to self... might be a little smarter than best selling cookbook author. 

Anywho... here it is

(with my version)!

Ingredients:

3 cans (14.4 oz) crushed tomatoes

(I didn't have crushed so I threw some diced ones in my NINJA and crushed those puppies up in no time!)

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

(I use squeeze garlic because it is the greatest invention EVER!)

2 T dried oregano

(didn't add it)

1/2 tsp salt

(didn't add it)

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

(nope didn't add this one either)

2 containers (15 oz) fresh ricotta

(I don't know about fresh, I mean I bought it at the grocery store Sunday so it was still "good".)

2 cups grated mozzarella

(1 bag of Kraft with a 2 in the corner works too!)

1/4 cup grated parmesan

(NO GREEN CAN for this one people!)

12 lasagna noodles

(whatever was in the damn box)

5 oz baby spinach

(Frozen bag of spinach from store worked just fine.)

AND

(1 lb of cooked ground beef)<-- This wasn't in the original recipe but my kids like meat!

Directions:

In a bowl, combine the tomatoes, garlic, oregano, salt, red pepper and some black pepper.

In another bowl, mix the ricotta, 1 cup mozzarella and Parmesan.

Spread a thin layer of sauce on the bottom of your crock-pot. Top with 3 noodles, breaking to fit if necessary.

(Yes it is necessary to break them unless you happen to have a rectangle crock-pot! Also, don't worry with using 3. I think I used 5 or 6. Laid one in the middle and broke up a few around it, then did it again.)

Spread about 1 cup of the sauce over the noodles and layer with 2 cups spinach and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese mixture.

(Yeah so pour some sauce on top then sprinkle some of that frozen spinach around. Put some of that cheese mixture on top of the spinach followed by some meat.)

Repeat twice more with the noodles, sauce, spinach & cheese mixture.

(Keep doing it until you run out of sauce, spinach, cheese mixture and beef! I think I got 3 full layers!)

Top with the remaining 3 noodles, sauce and 1 cup mozzarella.

(I hope you remembered to save some extra noodles for the top, otherwise it is going to get messy or you are going to be grabbin' for another box of noodles. I think I had like 5 noodles left so I just used them all. I also added a little parmesan cheese to the top after the mozzarella.)

Cook on low, covered for 3 1/2 hours.

YOU'RE WELCOME!! 

126

126


126 is the amount of weight I have lost to date.
Is it the amount I wanted to lose by now?
HELL NO.
Am I happy with this weight loss?
HELL YES


I was hoping I would have lost close to 200 pounds by now. I suppose I have myself to blame for not losing more. I got stuck for awhile but I am back on track!


I think the kids being home for the summer really did me in. They did all sorts of fun stuff and I drank all kinds of alcohol.
Alcohol is my new guilty pleasure.
It used to be candy but now it is alcohol.
I suppose if I am going to continue to drink, I should find an alcoholic beverage that has less calories.


You see I found this at the grocery store...

I know what your thinking....

That is wierd. How can something that comes in a pouch at the grocery store and costs less than $3 taste good??

There is something that happens when you put this in the freezer, or better yet when you take it out of the freezer...

Trust me when I say don't even bother getting a glass. Just cut a hole at the top and stick a straw in it. SO GOOD!! It even wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be. DONT GET ME WRONG, this shit is sweet just NOT AS sweet as I was expecting.

You want sweet? Hell, I'll give you sweet. If I can't eat it... you might as well!

Kim's Homemade Peach Cobbler

Peach filling ingredients~

about 8 peaches, peeled, pitted and cut into slices or chunks (whatever you prefer)

2 tsp. cornstarch

1/2 cup sugar

pinch of cloves

1 tsp. vanilla

cobbler ingredients ~
1 recipe peach filling
1 cup flour
1/4 cup + 2 tsp sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt (omit if using salted butter)
1/3 cup buttermilk
(Substitution: 1 cup milk + 1 T vinegar + sitting out for 5 minutes= 1 cup buttermilk)
4 T butter, melted and cooled
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp cinnamon

Directions ~
Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and preheat oven to 400.
Place the fruit filling in a 9" deep dish pie plate.
Put the pie plate on a foil lined baking sheet.
Bake 30 minutes.

While the fruit is baking, whisk together the flour, 1/4 cup sugar, baking powder, baking soda & salt together in a large bowl.
In a seperate bowl, whisk the buttermilk, melted butter & vanilla together.
In a small dish, toss the cinnamon with the remaining 2 tsp sugar.

When the fruit filling is done baking, whisk the buttermilk mixture into the flour mixture until the dough is just combined.

Remove filling from oven and stir. Drop the biscuit dough on top of the filling however you want it to look.
Sprinkle the dough with the cinnamon/sugar recipe.
Return to oven and bake for 15-20 min or until the biscuits are cooked through and are brown on top.



Milk Dud Mania

This time last year I was in Galveston.

• Twice a day I was drinking slim fast. 
• I was eating cucumbers at all hours of the day.
• I wanted to punch anyone in the face at the store when they would say "WOW! You must like cucumbers!

Still I managed to get through the torture...

So why do I feel the urge to eat Milk Duds?
Now, all of a sudden?
Why do I dream about them, think about them and constantly obsess over them?

Well I decided to finally buy some. Sometimes if you just do it then you will think... "Bad idea, won't do that again!"

Well not only was eating Milk Duds a bad idea... it was probably the worst idea I've ever had. Why you ask??

Let's put it this way... Milk Duds + temporary crown = FREAKED out woman on highway!!

Ok... lesson learned...

(Note: There were no children or cars harmed in the freaked out moment!)

Summertime Blues

Ok so I am a slacker when it comes to updating this blog lately.
My reason?
Summertime Blues!!

Oh if you have never heard of them they go something like this....

I love you! You are the worst mother ever! I love Summer! This is the worst summer of my life! When I grow up I want to move down the street so we will always live close to each other! I wish Dad stayed home instead of you! You are the best cook ever! You obviously hate me, otherwise you would have never cooked this! Why do we have to shop for back to school supplies... I'm not ready for school because Summer is the best! How many more days until school starts because I miss my friends? Why do I have to go with you to the store, I love hanging out at home? I am BORED BORED BORED!!!

Does any of this sound familiar?
If not then I am guessing you have a babysitter during the day!

These are the recent words my children have said to me in the past few weeks.
I spent boo koo bucks on all these fun summer camps. I drive them all over creation to go to said camps. Then all I hear is complaints! One day will be nice and we will be having a fun time. The next day, or even hour in some cases, is full of hatefullness.

I know my children seem to love me most of the time but lately they sure don't act it. I know that what they say is just out of frustration or hormones but it honestly hurts my feelings. Am I getting soft in my old age? I did just have a birthday in which I turned 41!! I would like to think I am not getting soft; I am just "more aware" of what's going on around me.

Oh, for those wondering I have been maintaining my weight loss. I have not lost anymore in a while. I believe I am at a plateau and one day I will once again drop off.

Of course if my children keep talking to me like this I am more likely to finish off a bottle of wine than exercise!

An old friend said it best....

PEACE
LOVE
PINOT GRIGIO

Hello Sweet 16!

Ok, so I know I haven't been on here in a while.
If  you have to ask why then you have been living under a rock and don't realize that I have 5 children!

I have been running around like a maniac in preparation for these 5 kids to be home all summer.
I had a long list of things to do on the last day of school and then one of my kids decided to throw up everywhere all day. So instead of getting a very needed pedicure, I got to clean barf all day! FUN FUN!!

Oh, back to me...

Yesterday I did my grocery store thing. That is where I hit up all the major grocery stores in my area to buy all the loss leaders with coupons. My first store was Costco because it was the last day to use my ziploc coupons. (Hey freezer bags can get very expensive!)
While I was at Costco, I found some cute white shorts.
Now for me that sentence would have never made sense a year ago.
Cute and white shorts should NEVER be in the same sentence.
However, these were super cute.
I dug and dug and the biggest size I could find was a 16.
I contimplated them over and over and thought... what the hell... they don't cost that much and the size 18 pants I have on are loose!!
 (THE SIZE 18 PANTS I HAVE ON ARE LOOSE!! WOW!!)
So I bought them.
When I finally came home I decided to put them on.
Yeah, bad idea.
H told me they "almost fit".
So I laid on the bed....

AFTER NEARLY BREAKING MY WRIST.... I not only buttoned them.... I FUCKING ZIPPED THEM TOO!!!

Could I breathe when I stood up?

Barely!

Did they look like total shit when I stood up?

Definetly!

Did I feel "violated" by those shorts?

You bet I did!

Did I have a pair of size 16 white Levis shorts on?

YES I FUCKING DID!!!

Oprah!

So today is a bad day for me.
I am not sure what is going on but today I have felt... dare I even say it??? HUNGRY!

What the hell?
Why all of a sudden do I feel hungry?
I don't get it.
This isn't really suppose to happen.
Why today do I feel hungry?
Is it because I made homemade caramel popcorn for the kids and now I want some?
I remember the last time I made homemade caramel popcorn...
G and I were living together in our "project" apartment. (Literally was in the projects!! G is cheap!!)

I was so proud of myself for concocting this yummy topping to go on top of buttery microwave popcorn. I remember being just under 200 pounds. After the popcorn I started weighing over 200 pounds.

So now in my kitchen I have the popcorn that helped me get over a hump that I am still not over.

Today I am hungry for sweets but I keep stuffing my mouth full of my crack instead.
I don't know why today is hard for me but it sure is.
I know I can do this.
I know I can get over this 200 pound hump.
I am ready to be under that number.
When will it happen???

Bob Greene was on Oprah and he said that you will be successful in weightloss if you can answer the following questions.
So here we go:

1. Why are you overweight? Because I love sweets more than anything and I hate to exercise. So sweets + no exercise = Fat ASS!
2. Why do you want to lose weight?
   Because I want to like myself. I am a sassy girl and I would love to show my sassy side and be comfortable with myself.
3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss?
   This one is tough for me.
   I think I have been unable to maintain weight loss because I get depressed easy. When I get depressed I eat sweets. I am hoping that I will stop my depression cycles because I really want to live life like I am suppose to.

When I started this weight loss process I started a weight loss revolution within my circle of friends.
Nobody wanted to be the "fat friend".
So for those people that started loosing weight when I did....

Can you answer his questions??
Are you ready to get real??

More importantly... are you ready to eat this damn popcorn for me???

A new poem to sum up my life

A new day and a new dollar

my family makes me want to holler.

My spouse is acting like a jerk.

I wish he would go out of town for work.

My eleven year old has her hormones out of whack.

I wish she would start already and get back on track.

My triplets are an interesting bunch.

K is an adult favorite and is sweet as can be.

But he makes me nuts when he acts so crazy.

L is funny, smart and witty.

But her meaness is usually directed to her sissy.

D is the peacemaker most of the time.

But he can bullshit with the best at the drop of a dime.

I know they will go far in life, and that's not just a hunch.

My youngest is the one that makes my hair go grey.

His nutty behavior changes day by day.

My dog is co-dependent, sad but true.

When he is really excited he can howl "I love you!".

This is my life, sometimes crazy sometimes fun.

I wish I could have an endless supply of rum!

Hallelulah!! Hallelulah!! CRACK is in my posession once again!!

For those loyal (but few) followers, I thought I would share with you some very exciting news....

I will NEVER run out of crack again!!!

Yes, you read it right. I have been kinda sabotaging my weightloss with self loathing and depression lately as I deal with everything around me....

An 11 year old hormonal monster that has taken over my sweet girl.
8 year old triplets that are so opinionated I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A 6 year old Kindergartner who has actually been suspended this year but continues to draw "I LOVE MOM" notes for me.
A dog that is following me around like I have limited time left on this Earth.
A spouse that is on my everlastfuckingnerve it is amazing I haven't stabbed him in his sleep! (NOTE TO SELF... UNLIMITED TEXTING PLAN WAS A BAD IDEA!!!)

Back to my story....
I have been pounding the pavement looking for my crack.
Sometimes CVS will carry it. The one down the street had it for a while then it disappeared from the shelves. The CVS with the rocket launcher driveway has been known to carry it but they didn't have it the last time I was there.

So there I was... sitting and looking on my laptop... on amazon... when I decided to type it into the search box...
I FOUND IT!!
NOT ONLY DID I FIND IT BUT THEY SELL IT IN AN 8 PACK!!
AND
IF YOU'RE DESPERATE ENOUGH...

IT IS AVAILABLE ON THEIR "CONVENIENT AUTOMATIC RE-ORDER PLAN"!!!!

If you have never seen me this happy then get used to it... I will never run out again!!!

In case you're wondering what my crack looks like.....



Oh Happy Day!!

Feeling Guilty

Ok, I have not been on here in over a month.

Why? Is that what you are asking?

Let's see....
I have been super busy with my elementary school. No, I don't own or even work at one. You see my Kindergartener is giving his teacher problems. Am I surprised? No not really. I mean this is the kid who got kicked out of 2 preschools!
I guess I just expected more.....

I never knew I would get so many phone calls from the school telling me about my son's latest behavior.

This is so hard for me because as a parent you always want whats best for your children. Yet, as a parent you get so totally embarresed when you hear about what stunt your kid has pulled.

Did you know that he got suspended for a day???
YUP! I am the mom of that kid at school.

How is this possible??

I always knew he was quirky and loud but suspension???

Oh, in related news this Kindergartener also made the GATE (gifted and talented education) program at school.
4 Kindergarteners made it and he is one of them.
In fact when the Principal suggested that I look at his scores I figured... "Ok, so he barely made it in GATE!"
You know what???
He actually scored in the top 2% of the school!!! (His school is K-4.)

So instead of weighing myself regularly, I find myself wishing I could be somewhere else when it is time to pick him up from school.

Why do I feel this way?
Is it normal?

Didn't I want all these kids?

Didn't we spend a fortune on fertility?

Did God give me this one to keep me humble?
He is the miracle "you can't have babies without fertility" baby.

I know he will do something really important in life but for now I have to keep myself moving forward somehow.

In desperation moments like this I find myself trying to sabotage my success again.
Why am I doing this?
Is this my way of coping with my new norm?

I think it might be time to see a shrink or the liquor section.........

Ah ha Moment

Today I had an....

AH HA MOMENT.

I decided to stop feeling guilty for buying these..
               

Why should I feel guilty?

Don't I deserve some nice jewelry once in a while?

Were they overpriced?
 Of course.

Do I absolutely love them?
 Of course.

Wasn't my friend the best who actually bought them for me since I wasn't there?
Of course.

Why then do I feel so guilty??

I am over the guilt and decided to wear them today.
As I was grabbing them I noticed my tennis bracelet that G had bought me years and years ago.

I decided today was the day that I was going to try it on again.
The last time I put it on, it cut the circulation off to my wrist.

Today I put it on my right wrist (the obvious bigger one).
Not only did I put it on... I FASTENED it too!!

You know what else???

It even moves around on my wrist..... just a tiny bit but there is definetly some movement there!!

So today I am wearing my tennis bracelet that cost way more than those beautiful earrings and they mean more to me as well.

What earrings do I have on???

$3 ones from Puerto Rico.

                        

PS... The blue box earrings DO NOT exist if you happen to know my spouse!!

Now Helping Freak #7

Have you ever thought of yourself as a science experiment?

I do!

First it was the fertility I had to do.
The questions (and my witty answers) were...

• What's wrong with you?
• Nothing really I just need some assistance.
• Are you sure you want to be a mom? Have you seen my kids in public?
• Yes and have you ever heard of a Pampered Chef wooden spoon?
• Did you have to do that fertilization invitro thingy?
• No we didn't have to do IVF.. we did the turkey baster method.
• Were you afraid you would have 8?
• I was more afraid of not having any.
• How come you only got 1?
• Luck of the draw.
• Seriously what's wrong with you, I lay down and get pregnant.
• Perhaps you should start sitting up to sleep.  

Then we were pregnant with triplets...

• Are they identical?
• No 1 is a girl.
• The girl and one boy look alike, are you sure they are not identical?
• Yes only one of them has a penis.
• Did you want triplets?
• I just wanted a family.
• How did you carry triplets?
• In my uterus like all babies.
• Were you afraid?
• Of course I was. The triplets started out as quads but we lost one at 14 weeks.
• Is your husband some kind of "super stud" to get you triplets?
• He likes to think so.
• I had my first two 15 months apart so that is like having twins. Are triplets harder than twins?
• I have never had twins and having 2 kids 15 months apart is definetly NOT the same.
• I imagine you are done having children now, 4 is enough.
• Thank you for making that decision for me.

Then I became pregnant ON MY OWN WITH NO FERTILITY and 4 kids at home....

• Wow! Are you ever going to stop having kids?
• Not really sure.
• You should have stopped at 2. You will never be able to give your children the attention they need.
• That would have been hard to do since the middle ones are triplets.
• You have too many kids.
• Sorry you feel that way.
• Glad it's you and not me.
• Me too!
• Which of your children do you like the best?
• The one that is not complaining.
• How do you do it?
• Drink a lot of wine.
• Are you some kind of saint?
• ROFLMAO

FAST FORWARD 5 YEARS

Weight loss surgery......

• WOW! Are you on some kind of diet?
• Kinda.....
• I bet you aren't going to be embarressed to take the kids to the pool this year!
• I didn't realize I was embarressed before.
• Do you have a lot of skin hanging down?
• Yes, would you like to see it.
• My friend's cousin who is married to my Uncle's daughter had a friend that had that done and I can't recognize her at all anymore. Does that happen to you yet?
• No not really. Pretty much everyone I talk to already sees me on a regular basis.
• Are you hungry all the time?
• No
• Are you sick all the time because I know my friends sisters brothers cousins aunt is sick all the time.
• No
• How much weight have you lost? You look completely different in your face... you look really good.
• About 125 pounds. Wow, I guess I didn't realize I was so hideous before....

I could literally go on with this list all day!

The point is, yes I do feel like a science experiment.

HOWEVER.......
I do love it when people compliment me because it honestly makes me feel validated somehow.

What do I do??

Have you ever just had one of those days, no wait, weeks??

I know this blog is suppose to be about weight loss but today it is about motherhood.

I find myself on the end of a short rope of patience.

How is this even possible?

You see I struggled with infertility. I mean we did infertility for 6 years before our 11 year old was born. A year after her birth, we decided to try again. (Just in case it took another 6 years!) Well it didn't take 6 this time. H was 2 1/2 when K, L & D were born. Baby h came along after we got rid of all the baby stuff to Goodwill. Ironically K, L & D were 2 1/2 when baby h was born. So I found myself feeling as if my cup runeth over. I had 5 beautiful healthy children that were 5 and younger.

So now that we have the ages 11, 8, 8, 8 and 5 I seem to finding myself regretting the time of day when I have to pick them up from school.

How can someone who wanted kids so badly end up feeling like this?
Somedays I wonder if I need therapy. Seriously, who spends all that money on fertility because they couldn't wait to be a mom and then now all they can think about is when they will be able to escape for a few days??

I am dealing with homework, sports schedules and the ever present non-compliant child.
I feel like I have tried everything I can think of to help my children succeed.
I save all the time so my children are able to play the sport they want.
I make their lunch everyday.
I help them with breakfast everyday.
I help them find clothes everyday.
I drive them to school everyday.
I pick them up from school everyday.
I go over their folders everyday.
I help them with their homework everyday.
I make them dinner everyday.
I drive them to their specific sports activities during the week.
I even get excited when it is time to pick them up because I have missed them all day.

AND THEN

IT HITS.........
THE WHINING!! THE FIGHTING!! THE COMPLAINING!! THE TATTLING!! THE MELTS!! (This is what I call it when the child in question suddenly loses all feeling in his/her legs and "melts" into the floor!)

• I have a child that doesn't want to follow the rules at school or at home.
• I have a spouse that acts like a helicopter to said child.
• I have a child that gets into trouble at school but acts like an angel (most of the time) at home.
• I have a child that acts perfect at school but is now pre-hormonal, so the behavior is reminisent of something from outerspace.
• I have a child that constantly wants to follow me, touch me, just in general be near me. This child is perfect at school. This child just seems to need a little extra from me but it is hard to give because of the fights this child starts at home.
• I have a child that acts perfect at school and at home but yet I find I am not spending enough time with this child because there is no "immediate need" there.

My time is constantly spent on child who doesn't want to follow rules at school or at home.

What do I do???

I feel like I should spend more time on the children that are acting good rather than the one that isn't. How can I divide myself up and at the same time not let anyone down?? If I don't spend so much time on the one that acts bad, how will they succeed at school? If it weren't for me this child would be failing!

How am I able to do this? I feel myself feeling really old lately.
I am worn down and drained mentally and physically.
I want my children to know I love them.

I find myself praying a lot hoping this is just some passing phase.......

This is where motherhood meets weight loss struggle.

Back in the old days.... well back about 7 months ago I would just go into the kitchen and start stress eating. These days I am finding myself starting up the bad habits. I ate a mini candy bar the other day because I felt like that 100 grand bar knew my pain. That candy bar could somehow realize what I was going through. Yes, I felt sick later but at the moment of crisis I didn't care. What do "normal" people do? I can't just pack everyone in the van and head to the gym.

So what do I do?
Should I just suck it up and slap myself in the face?
Should I start increasing my wine consumption in the evening?

Is there any advice out there for a mother that feels like she is drowning in her own pity party??

Holy Shit Moment

It seems as if I have been having a lot of "Holy Shit" moments.
The latest, because I have been sworn to secrecy on the others, has to deal with my weight. I know, surprise, surprise, surprise. Why on earth would it deal with anything else. This is after all my blog about my weight loss struggles, surgery, recovery, willIeverbeskinny???, or pretty much anything to do with my weight.
Well I have been in a huge funk lately and have neglected to go to the gym.
So today I decided to pull out the Wii. I figured what the hell. Nobody in my house will be afraid of me in shorts because they have already seen my fat ass in shorts before.
So I put my shorts on and put in "Just Dance 2". I have heard how fun it is but this was the first time I have used it. I selected 6 songs because it was the hardest.
I picked the following songs to shake my ass to... Jump, That's Not My Name, Proud Mary, Hey Ya, It's Raining Men and When I Grow Up.
That's right folks... I picked 6 high energy, fast paced songs. I cranked the receiver up so loud my son asked me to turn it down. haha
I told the kids to try and keep up.
When the songs were over I decided to keep the exercising going so I pulled out the Wii Fit Plus.
I started with the Body test.
In case you are not familiar with the Wii Fit, it tests your center of balance among other things. At the end it weighs you and tells you your BMI.

NOTE: This is where my HOLY SHIT moment comes in!!

My weight..........

223!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

I am about 93 pounds shy of my goal weight!!
That sure sounds better than "I need to lose 210 pounds!"

WOW!!!

Girls Cruise

Ok so I went to see Hot Doc, aka Dr. Takemyfatawaynow! (More on that visit in another blog!)

I wasn't really looking forward to my appointment because I had spent the previous week consuming many "liquid calories"! Yes folks, I drank! I drank a lot actually. I even did a few shots! Yes, I know Hot Doc said "no shots, no alcohol, no carbonation, avoid ice cream, avoid pizza, avoid anything tasty".. Ok, he didn't say the last one but you get the idea.

Well I blew all the rules on my recent girls cruise...

I drank LOTS. I even drank some beer.

Ok, I didn't actually drink it. I took a big gulp and let it sit in my mouth until it absorbed away. (I know... GENIOUS!!)

I drank margaritas (2 at a time) and mexican water (tequila).
I drank wine... oh how I missed you pinot grigio!
I drank mojitos.
I drank sweet tea vodka.
I drank vodka with cranberry.
I drank things that people fixed me that were super yummy!
I had shots called buttery nipples and shots called lemon drops.

I forgot to mention that the Bartender bought ME a few drinks!!! Is that even possible?? I haven't had anyone, male wise, buy me drinks in years! I asked him why he wouldn't let me pay for it and he said "I think you are a very pretty lady!!" What? HOLY SHIT!!!

I have to say that was a great line!!

Yes folks, I went on my girls cruise and I drank everyday!
Now, when you haven't really drank for 5 months and then all of a sudden that is what you do for most of the evening... yeah you can guess.. I was pretty hammered.

I was so drunk I got on stage and did karaoke!
What was the song choice you ask? Baby Got Back!
Now imagine for a moment, 8 married ladies in matching t shirts and purple cowboy hats, singing Baby Got Back. (Last I checked, we were NOT on Youtube but I am sure there is video out there somewhere! Why do I think that? Every where we went... people knew we were the "Purple hat ladies from karaoke!")
Oh, did I mention that was the FIRST night of our cruise??

Just imagine the rest of the cruise...

There was a club called "Stripes" on the ship and, except for 1 or 2 nights, I was in there everynight until it closed at 3! (This is where the pizza and ice cream come into play!)

Oh and I met the weirdest man on earth in Stripes. Yes, I had my ego pumped by my cute bartender Alan (A lon) and shot down by creepy guy. I think this man was traveling by himself but I am really not sure. All I know is that when LK, LH and CM were being hit on by Hot guys, I had creepy man on my side. Oh joy!

Do you know what his pick up line to me was?

Are you ready for it?

It is probably the worst pick up line in history!

"In my country... boobs are taxed!"

Yes folks it was one of those moments when you realize that no amount of alcohol is going to make that sound any better. Would you like to know what my reply was??

"In my country... boobs are free unless you want bigger ones or no longer want them hitting the floor!" 

Yes, I know it was stupid but did I mention I was not able to feel my lips at this point??

Well even in my drunken stuper I was able to attract the creepy guy and my line made him like me even more... Oh joy oh joy oh joy!

Everytime I saw him after that, he stroked my arm when he spoke to me.
I wonder if that is why I took a shower after every encounter or frantically searched for hand sanitizer......

Everytime creepy man tried to dance with me, my friends LK, LH & CM would grab my hand and lead me onto the dance floor, where even I was able to dance with boys that were 22 & 23.

Hey, we were just dancing and who am I to turn down some hot boys? If they choose to dance with me, then I chose to dance right back with them. Of course, I had to leave the dance floor several times to "go sit down". But that is what you should say when you can no longer feel your lips, feet or hands.

All in all, we had a lovely time and I came home with 5 new Facebook friends.

Is it a bad idea that I came home and wanted to go to San Antonio to visit a roller rink?? Yeah probably is... those boys were pretty hot though!

Even if I am old enough to be their mother......

Hello Sunshine!

I have not written here in a while because I have been on vacation for what seems like forever.

I went on vacation first with my family. We flew to Puerto Rico on a Thursday and spent a few wonderful sun soaked days at a resort in Dorado. Then on Sunday (16th) we boarded the Carnival Victory. I had heard that she was an older ship and I probably wouldn't like her as much as the Conquest. Well the person that said that can kiss my (hopefully shrinking) ass! That ship was fabulous! The cabins were huge and the crew was just as friendly as on the newer ships. I have no complaints at all to report on the Victory except for the fact that I couldn't afford to stay on for another week.
The stops were St. Thomas, Barbados, St. Lucia, St. Kitts and St. Maarten. I have now decided that if I were to be kidnapped and whisked away I would prefer it to be to St. Kitts or St. Maarten. I loved the other islands but those were my favorite. We saw St. Kitts on what used to be the "sugar train". It is been converted into a "scenic railway". Oh so pretty! Of course, had I known that the train a few days earlier had de-railed I might have not chosen such a unique way to see the island. Good thing I didn't research as much as I usually do. In St. Maarten I visited the Guavaberry Imporium and bought myself a guavaberry colada. OMG!! Seriously, I needed some "assistance" from my spouse to get my ass back to the water taxi. I regret not buying a bottle of guavaberry rum. I guess this means that I will have to go back... hopefully sooner than later!
My family had a fabulous time and even though my youngest LOST his brand new DSi and 5 freakin' games, I wouldn't have changed a thing. The whole vacation was perfect. The kids started to bicker one day and I said "That's it! I'm done with this behavior! This is the last damn vacation I am EVER planning for you people!!", then I walked out of the cabin for a while. When I returned, everyones attitudes had changed drastically! Who knew a little meltdown on my part would rejuvinate my family??
All in all the kids missed 5 days of school, even though we were gone for longer. ;)
When we came home I had 5 days before I was to leave again for my girl's trip.
Would you care to guess which one I had more fun on???

Welcome back alcohol!

Ok so I decided that I was going to wait and have a drink when I go on my upcoming cruise(s).
Well last night I went out for a friend's birthday and found myself very envious of everyone's beer.
You see... I LOVE beer but it is something I can't have anymore. You see I am forbidden to drink anything with carbonation... yup that includes root beer and coke!
Well as I sat at a bar, where I had just been carded!!, I realized that I really wanted to have a drink.
Bar atmosphere = Momma needs a cocktail.
So I figured what the hell. My friend is driving and we are going home after this. If it hits me hard then I don't have far to walk!

Vodka cranberry was the drink of choice. It was so yummy but my face felt flushed. My friend assured me it wasn't so I ordered another! YUMMY!!! It went down soooo smooth.
This time my face was flush and my words were getting a little slurry.
I knew I better not get a 3rd, but I did consider it.

Oh, alcohol I have missed you. I forgot how you make my troubles go away.
Thank you vodka cranberry for allowing me to forget my stressful week and enjoy myself for once.

Note to self... ORDER more rum runners for upcoming trips!