Miracle #5 Update

Ok... so it has been a little while since I blogged about little h.
I tried to explain into words what was happening.
Well we have had some new developments that I feel like I am not mentally prepared to deal with.

I have found another PINK song that helps my words...

Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

 

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by by by

 



But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

 

 

It started 3 weeks ago when h got mad at school and made a statement of wanting to kill himself.
Are you thinking "What the hell?" right now?? I know I sure was. What 7 year old thinks of this??

Well this happened during a week when I was at h's school running the Holiday Shop. I was there ALL DAY everyday for a week. I spoke with the counselor and asked if she believed he was serious. She told me that although his words did raise some flags she said that his words didn't raise all the flags. To me, I felt that she didn't believe him. (My thoughts). So I did what I figured any parent would do. We went home and had "the talk". I basically told him that saying things like he did scares people. I also told him that if he ever said anything of that nature again then I would drive his butt straight back to Cook's for another psych evaluation and possible admittance. The next day was h's appointment with his psychiatrist so I told Dr Pleasefuckinghelpmyson what he had said at school. For those worried that I talked in front of h, I did NOT. (Every week, I take the first 5 minutes of h's time to talk about the events of the week. Then h talks on his own for the next 55 minutes.)
Well we agreed that Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson would explain to h what our plan was.
Basically... get it together or we are checking you into Sundance (8 week program instead of Cook's 10 day).

h got the message and started back to school without saying anything freaky.
Then I got a call a week ago Monday. I was not home and had plans for the day.
They said "COME GET HIM!" I was shocked because I had heard that once he was in BIC then I wouldn't get anymore comegethim phone calls. I asked what was wrong and they said that he became VERY agitated at school and told someone he wanted to kill himself. WTF???
So I figured it was another "IsaidsomethingstupidwhileIwasmad" speech so I dismissed it and told them I would pick him up around 1:30 when I got home. At first they said that was fine. Then I received another phone call saying that was NOT fine. So, I called my neighbor across the street and asked her to get him. (h and all my kids think of these neighbors as grandparents!)
When I got home at 1:30 I went to get him from SR. She said that he was fine. He helped her with some Christmas decorations and then played on her computer. She didn't see him as a danger to himself at all. In the end I made the decision to take him to Cooks anyways. I had told him if he ever said it again, we were going so we did. I made arrangements for my other 4 with SR and SV. h screamed at me the entire drive there saying how much I hate him. At this point I just told him that I loved him too much to argue and then I turned the volume on the radio up.

When we got to Cooks the check in guy asked why we were there. I looked him straight in the eye and started crying. Somehow I got the words out and we were evaluated right away.  Just like in September, the psych ward intake people interviewed us. They finally determined that he was good to go home and suggested Sundance. We got home around 6:30. G came home and took the boys to boy scouts at 7. (Personally I didn't think h should go but G insisted it was good for him.) They got home around 8:30 and I sent h to bed. What happened next had NEVER EVEN been on my radar.

We got a knock on the door at 9:30 at night by CPS!

Yup, thats right. Someone at the school that I spend so much of my fucking free time at called CPS on me.

Welcome to my world! If you want to stop reading now I completely understand because I can't guarantee that my language will get any better...


Still here???
Ok, I will continue....

CPS! My first thought that came to my head is "HOLY SHIT!"

Luckily for the first time in my life my filter on my tongue worked.

They told me that they were the "Emergency Night Crew". (HOLY SHIT)

Then they saw my other 4, who hadn't gone to bed yet, and asked me how many children I had. When I told them that h was the youngest of 5 they both looked at each other with the "we'renotpreparedforthis!" look on their faces.
Then they requested to talk "alone". NO KIDS in the room! NO SPOUSE in the room! So I sent HKL and D to bed and then I sent G to bed too and directed the CPS people to my couch.

They proceeded to ask me a TON of questions about h and what happened at school.
I told them that I knew about what happened and I also told them that I drove him straight to Cooks when I got home.
When I told them this, they were clearly shocked and also looked at me like I was lying.
I asked them if they wanted to read my discharge papers and when they said Yes, I showed it to them. They then looked at me straight in the face and said "You just made our jobs a lot easier!".
That is when the rest of the conversation begins to blur.
You see my stomach dropped and suddenly I realized these 2 CPS workers were there to take my child away from me.
I feel with every fiber of my being that they would have if I had not taken him to Cooks.

I ended up answering their questions for 2 hours. I told them about how I punish the kids. I told them the medicines that the kids are on. I told them I did NOT take any medicine (with the exception of pepcid). Every question they asked I answered with nothing but pure honesty. I told them that h had a pediatrician, a medicine doctor, a pediatric dentist and a psychiatrist when they asked me if we had doctors for the kids. They asked me how often we see the psychiatrist and I told them "every Wednesday at 4".

They then asked me how I deal with stress.
I was confused my this question and asked them to clarify.
I told them that I am a mom of 5 children so I "just do".
I told them that I have some awesome friends (GP, LK & SV) and I talk to them nearly everyday and they help me more than anyone.
I also told them that I take a girls trip every year. I explained that I deal with stress by thinking of how many days are left before my annual trip (40).
They asked if they could talk to my children at school.

I told them yes but they had to be sure that it was done with discretion. Then they talked to G for about 5 minutes (with me in the room) and proceeded to take pictures of h sleeping, my pantry, my banister and my dishes in my sink.
They left around 11:45 and stayed in their car, across the street, for another 45 minutes!!

Tuesday came.........
I explained to the kids who were at our house and why they were there. I also told them that they would be interviewed at school. My kids said "What should we tell them?" I looked at my kids straight in the eyes and told them that they needed to answer the questions with "total honesty".
Then I told h I was going to make him a one time deal.

The deal.....
Get your shit together and get out of the BIC room and back into your normal classroom.
Stop saying scarey stuff.
If this is done then I will allow him to stay in the schools aftercare program while I am gone on my girls trip.
If this is NOT done then I will drive him to Sundance immediately with no questions asked.
I then reminded him that if he is in Sundance while I'm gone then his daddy has to go to work late everyday to drop him off and he has to leave work early everyday to pick him up.
I also told him that if he is in Sundance then he will no longer be able to see Dr. S. (I call him Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson) because he will be under another doctors care.
I then said "The choice is yours because I am DONE!"

Wednesday came....
h earned enough points to join his class for Math!
CPS came and interviewed my children at school.
ALL my kids answered with honesty except for K!
He told them that I locked them outside for punishment and G spanked over and over and over again.

Thank GOD for H! They interviewed her after K.
She told them that K is in a "lying phase" and the only time I ever lock them outside is when I am carrying presents from my van to the closet.

Saw Dr. Pleasefuckinghelpmyson and told him of our "deal" and CPS.

Thursday came...
h earned enough points to join his class for ELAR and Math!

Friday came...
h earned enough points to be in his class ALL DAY!!

Weekend came...
Monday came...
h stayed in class ALL DAY!

Tuesday came...
I called my friend who used to work for CPS for advice.

Wednesday came...
h stayed in class ALL DAY!
For the first time since seeing the psychiatrist, I didn't have to talk to him alone!

Thursday came (yesterday)...
I received a phone call from our CPS case worker. She said that she needed to interview some people for character witnesses. I explained to her that our Principal offered to be one. Then she asked if I could email her h's discharge papers from Cook's. I assured her that I would and she told me that she would most likely be closing the case soon.

So today is Friday and my stress level is evening out for the most part. I have emailed our case worker and now I wait.

I want everyone to know that if it was not for GP, LK, SV, SR and SS I am not sure I would be so "together" right now. I owe these people for their unwavering support. This has been one of the darkest days of my life. I love these ladies more than they will ever know.

Please continue to pray for my family because this is something we will be dealing with for the rest of our lives. Right now h is on the right path and I pray to God everyday that he stays on this path.

Thank you for your continued support, prayers and for not judging us.

Miracle #5

For the past few months people have been asking me what's wrong.
I go to the store and run into someone... "Hey what's wrong?"
I go to the school and run into someone... "Hey what's wrong?"
I go out with friends... "Snap the fuck out of it already and tell us what's wrong now?"

It's true.. Something has been wrong... I have been trying to put it into words to best describe it and I think I found it in the beginning lyrics of Pink's Blow Me One Last Kiss...

 

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go...

 

 

This is how I have felt since the FIRST day of school.

More about that in a minute but let me give you some background on little h, my miracle child #5 because this entry is all about him!

 

H was 5 and KL&D were 2 1/2 when h was born.

You see I did fertility for 12 years!

12 YEARS!!

So when KL&D were 2 I figured that I was done at 4 kids.

"Kim, you cannot have ANY children without fertility!"

How many times and how many doctors told me that same phrase?

Countless ones!

Well one day I was bitching at G about something he said or did and he said "I think you are pregnant because the last time you were this bitchy, you were."

Yeah that was the day G regretted teaching me how to punch correctly.

 

Well I decided that there was NO WAY I could be pregnant. I was over the fact that I wanted a bunch of kids (well not really but I had come to terms with it).

So I decided to do what any rational person would.

I bought an EPT.

It gave me the + sign.

So I bought another... and then another... and another.... until I had a bag filled with 25 sticks. The signs were all different but the results were all the same... POSITIVE.

FYI: If you buy a test from the adult video store, your positive result comes in the form of a "sad face" and if you buy it from the Dollar store then your result says "Si". So spend $40 or spend $1, because they are all the same damn thing!

 

I took my bag to the doctor and held it up when he asked me why I was in his office.

Since he had told me that I was not the best patient I figured I shocked him good.

A few tests and an ultrasound proved the baggie theory.

I was Pregnant with #5 and there was NO FERTILITY involved.

 

SHIT!

 

My pregnancy was the worst pregnancy ever!

I was always sick.

The ER doctors at Harris downtown KNEW ME BY NAME!!

I had cramp!

I got sick!

I needed fluids!

You name it, it happened.

Then the cable guys showed up at a time I promised my kids that we were going to the park.

I was 34 weeks pregnant!

My baby shower was in 5 days at Mimi's Cafe!

My ob was on vacation!

My patience with the cable guys was OVER!

G's patience with me calling him EVERY 30 minutes asking another question from the cable guys was OVER!

Finally around 8pm, I called G at work one more time. I told him that I was feeling like total shit and he needed to come home. Since he was so pissed at me, he literally asked why. I told him that I was going to drive myself to "Maternal Observation" downtown. I also told him that once I got there, I was going to leave the other 4 kids in the van if he wasn't there waiting on me. I hung up and drove to the hospital.

BUT I had to stop and get gas first because that is how shitty my day had been.

When I showed up at Harris, G was in the parking lot. He asked if he could stop at Subway because he was hungry. I shot him a look of pure evil and he grabbed all the kids and my hand and escorted me into the hospital.

When the lady asked me what was wrong, I threw up and they immediately started hooking me up to equipment.

You see... h needed to be a c-section.

I wasn't "allowed" to go into labor because the triplets were a "vertical cut" c-section.

Bad NEWS for somene going into labor because that is apparently what I was doing.

A short time later, miracle #5 came into the world.

 

He was the best baby.

He was so cute.

He was perfect until preschool.

My life felt out of control.

That is where we did a "tour of preschools". You see that sounds better than we were thrown out of multiple preschools.

Thank God for Hallmark Baptist! They welcomed him from day 1 and he did great.

My life was good again.

Then h started Kindergarten.

My life was shit again.

Then we met Dr. White in Burleson and discovered he had ADHD.

Meds made my life bearable again.

Then we found out he was super smart... genious smart...

BUT life was still bearable.

1st grade had "some issues" but life was manageable.

Then the 1st day of 2nd grade came along.

You see, I hand picked his teacher.

So I knew he was going to have an awesome year because she is awesome!

Yeah, didn't happen.

Meltdown #1 on the first day of school.

Meltdown #2 happened the first week of school also.

These weren't our normal meltdowns...

these were screaming/crying fits that were lasting up to 2 hours long.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY KID???

Another meltdown the next week followed up with a phone call "to come get him".

Another meltdown and this time followed by a trip to ISS (In School Suspension).

Another one... OSS this time because some chairs were thrown (Out of School Suspension).

Another one...

Another one...

Another one...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY KID???

I stopped getting dressed during the day.

I stopped putting make up on during the day.

I resigned my VP PTA position.

I stopped going to lunch with my friends.

All I did was go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.

I stopped doing anything because I knew I would get "another phone call".

My life was shit I thought.

My other 4 were getting used to the idea of me "tuning everyone out".

I kept taking him to football practice and soon became "The Mother of THAT kid".

All I kept thinking is....

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY KID???

Then the school called and said that they didn't know what triggered him but he was in the nurses office with the door shut with 4 staff members and he had been screaming for almost 2 hours.

COME AND GET HIM is what they told me.

I walked into the nurses office absolutely fucking furious with him.

I had decided enough is enough, I am going to take him home and beat his spoiled ass good so all this shit can be over with already.

When I walked into the nurses office I told him he had 5 seconds to make a good decision. He could either walk out of the school on his own or be dragged.

When he looked up at me he quit crying.

His eyes were huge and looked "empty and heartbroken" all at the same time.

His bottom lip was quivering.

He walked out on his own and as I watched him I knew something was wrong.

I drove home and asked my neighbor to watch out for my other 4 because I didn't know when I would be back.

I got back in my van and drove my 7 year old son to Cook Children's Hospital for a psych evaluation.

Whatever was wrong, I knew needed to be fixed and a spanking wasn't the answer.

After a full evaluation we were sent home.

They told me that they truely felt he was safe at home, which was good because their entire floor that handled these cases was FULL!

They told me that instead of hospitalization he needed partial hospitalization.

They assured me they would call me the next day with details and what/if our insurance would cover.

No phone call.

I called on Monday and they told me he was approved, insurance would pay and he was #15 on the WAIT LIST.

Meanwhile, he had to go back to school.

ISS, early dismissals and OSS followed for the next week.

All the while I called Cooks PHP program everyday, sometimes 5 times a day and eventually (miraculously) h moved up the waitlist.

Since we are in Crowley ISD and Cooks is in Fort Worth ISD I had to withdrawal him from Dallas Park Elementary.

I cried the day I withdrew him and wondered if we would be able to come back.

A friend came over and gave me 2 tickets to the Ranger game and told me to go with h before he started his "new school". That was the first day I got dressed completely and put on make up.

The next day we started Cooks PHP program... 10 days long.... from 8-3.

For 10 days I never received a phone call.
For 10 days my son seemed to respond.
For 10 days my life felt like it was no longer on hold.
For 10 days I felt like I was doing what I was suppose to be doing for my son.
For 10 days I attended each parent education class they had.
For 10 days I listened to the other stories during family counseling.
For 10 days I cried for the sadness I found in the other parent's eyes.
For 10 days I realized that our problems could be so much worse.

For 10 days I wondered what it would be like when we went back to school.
During the 10 days,
I kept his teacher updated.
I kept the counselor updated.
I kept the Principal updated.

At the end of the 10 days I felt an emptiness that I can't put into words.
I felt lost and worried but not for me, I felt it for the 7 year old now diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, ADHD and possibly some other factors.

I made an appointment with the staff that was directly involved with h to come up with a game plan.
I told them that he was doing 5th grade math, unassisted, during his stay at Cooks.
I told them that he said he "felt panicky" sometimes and was working on social skills, as well as, coping skills.

I began to feel ok... well better.

Now we have been back to school for about 3 weeks and I am just now feeling comfortable with leaving the house during the day.

I know my problems are NOT solved yet but I know that we are working on it.

He is maintaining his meds and is seeing a psychiatrist once a week.

I am even having an AU evaluation done on him this month as well.

He still has bad days but they are manageable.

So for all of you out there who have been wondering "whats wrong" now you know.

The light isn't in my eye anymore and won't be until I really figure out what is wrong with my son.

I am trying to bring the "old Kim" back but I feel like I am failing.

 

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go...

Now you can read the signifigance of those words........

One day...
I will be back.
Until then...
Be patient with my son.



 



1st day of something

So today was the first day of school and the first day where I am totally able to relax.

You see this has probably been one of the worst summers EVER (according to my children).

I wasn't able to take them to the beach.

I wasn't able to sign them up for zoo, museum, girl scout, boy scout, whatever else kind of camps there are this year.

I wasn't able to take them to the pool, without major work.

I wasn't able to accept my friend's offers for help.

I wasn't able to let said friends take my children to Hawaiian Falls.

I wasn't able to get out of bed for a month.

Why?

Because I decided that the pain that was in my foot needed to be repaired. I knew going in that I would be 2 weeks down and another 2 weeks recovering.

I ALMOST signed the kids up for some camps but didn't do it last minute. I guess my body knew somehow I would fail it.

Less than a week after my surgery, I gave myself a sponge bath and got dressed. I was determined to go see my 6th grader's award program. What I didn't expect was to black out at the front door and fall down.

Achilles tendons don't like to be fallen on after they have been repaired.

So to make this long story some what short, I had another surgery for a 2nd set of anchors in my tendon.

My routine this summer was having one of my children come into my room and very sweetly ask if I needed anything. They would refill my water and add a crystal light to it. They would bring me breakfast, lunch and snacks. Throughout the day they would check on me. At night it was G checking on me. They would ask me to come to dinner at the table but with a quick glance of my face they eventually just brought it to me.

When I was feeling better to leave my cave, I would have a helper bringing me the wheelchair.

A little while later the kids would beg me to go to the pool. When I finally relented D pushed my wheelchair all the way.

This summer, my children grew up and today I sent them for their first day of school.

My house is quiet as I sit here alone typing this.

The only noise is coming from my dog who sounds like a pig from angry birds when I disturb him.

How did I get to this point in my life? My children are 12, 10, 10, 10 and 7 and this summer they turned the tables on me by helping me out.

I hope one day they will realize that even though I wasn't able to take them to various activities I enjoyed and relished their company.

I have never wanted to accept help but this summer my children gave it to me.

Foodie Time ~ Mexican Inn

O0-k, as long as I have lived in Fort Worth I remember going to Mexican Inn.

I never remember liking it that much but I remember going a lot!
When I worked downtown many many moons ago we went there for lunch.
In fact the only thing I remember that I liked was the strips of chips they set out with the hot sauce, the pralines and the packs of chicklets by the register.

So I went because I was meeting my friend AC who works now and Mexican Inn is convenient for her.

I ordered a taco salad because nothing else sounded good.

The good part about this taco salad was the bowl. It was a fried tortilla.

The inside had beef, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes (YUCK) and something else but it was so dull I don't remember. I took a bite thinking the dressing would be in there somewhere. NOPE no dressing.

Personally I don't really like salads but I love the dressing so to have a salad the size of a placemat with no dressing, it was kinda like having a beer that's not cold. You could do it but why??

0-5 pounds (with 5 being OUTSTANDING and 1 being "I should have stayed home and made a cup of noodles).

I give Mexican Inn a 1 pound for their strips and too tomatoey salsa.

Midsummer Success

Alrighty alrighty alrighty...

I know you have all been dying to know what I wore to my Midsummer fancy shmancy thingy.

Well I had the shoes that were totally awesome!

Then I had to find an outfit.

I went to a store called White House Black Market. Which I think stands for "You will have to sell your house or kidneys on the black market to afford anything we carry!"

Well I went to WHBM on the advice of a friend who works there.

I had talked to someone during the day and told them I was going to go to WHBM in the morning to get myself an outfit for my schmancy thingy. This person, obviously not a very bright one, told me that I should try someplace else because this particular store won't have anything to fit me. Actually I think the quote went like this...

"Kim, I know you have lost some pounds but I don't believe you are in the sizes they carry."

Some pounds?? Try 148 pounds biotch!!

So I waltz into WHBM thinking maybe that chicka was right. Maybe I am too fat for this store. So far, I have only seen skinny girls walk in and I am in no means skinny. I actually thought I should walk out go to Starbucks around the corner and wallow in my skinny latte. I even thought maybe I'll just order myself a full fat Caramel Frappachino! Yeah that's what I needed... a venti 500+ calorie drink to make me feel better!

Then I snapped out of my funk and opened the heavy glass doors and walked inside.  WHBM is an appropriate name because everything is white & black but there are a few spashles of color mixed in.

My friend had already set aside some things for me to try on. Some were L and some were XL. She showed me this sleeveless shirt that I LOVED. (For me to LOVE sleeveless should tell you this shirt was awesome!) However, I did mention that sleeveless shirts and my flag arms don't go together so she found me a sweater shrug that was so cute. Then came the necklace, bracelet and earrings to match. I loved all the pieces. It occured to me as I was being rung out that I never looked at the prices. I NEVER do that but today I did.

Sleeveless shirt... $78
Cute sweater shrug...$78
Necklace.... $78
Bracelet...$54
Earrings....$24

OUCH!!

So you know what I did? I put the bracelet back!

What can I say, when you look in the mirror and see some hot momma looking back then there is no way you are not buying what you have on!

I celebrated by having lunch at Mexican Inn.
YUCK! Bad mistake! I think I should become a food reviewer next........

Midsummer nightmare update

A while back I was having a little anxiety attack about what to wear to an upcoming function. Of course if you spend your entire day obsessing over what to wear & start sweating and suddenly start talking like your some foreign daffy duck then it MIGHT classify as more than a "little" anxiety. Of course, I'm no expert so this could classify as total rational behavior. Moving on.... I was starting to feel "sad" that I didn't have the perfect spring outfit. Well.. here I am on vacation with my 5 kiddos sans my spouse (yeah this experience will be a blog entry all its own!) & we decide to go to the store to find some shoes. So while my children are arguing about who has picked out the best shoes I decide to sneak out the back door.. I mean I decide to check out the gold star clearance section for my size. As I started down the aisle I thought I heard harps playing. I glanced at the pink box and realized I found the most perfect shoes on the planet. I mean if you were to see these shoes you would say THOSE SCREAM KIM. Of course they could also scream "Kim is so going to fall on her fat ass while wearing those shoes, but they are adorable just like her!" Bottom line.. I have the shoes now I have to find an outfit to go with them. Of course when I showed my dad my miracle find he muttered something about street corners... Hey, he's a guy so what does he know anyways...

Midsummer Nightmare

Ok so I need to find a "Spring" dress.
If any of you who really know me... then you know this is going to be hard.

I was shopping with my friend SV this weekend and she found a dress for me. When I saw it I absolutely LOVED it. The only problem was it is a size 16!!
Hello?? 16?? Yeah, not there yet.

So SV says... "Here is one your size. Get this one!"
I grabbed it and bought it.

When I got home I thought..... QUICK grab the fat sucker one piece!
I put it on and the leopard wacoal bra that makes my boobs look fab!

It FIT!!

From the front... FABULOUS!
From the back... BIG ASS PINK FLOWER ASS, but looks good!
From the sides... 2 pigs fighting under a blanket... yup that sums it up!

So it looks like I am back to the drawing board, unless I exercise NON STOP.
Oh yeah right, canceled Y membership.

SHIT!

I was in Cancun B*tch!

Ok so a few weeks ago I was able to go to Cancun with 5 really awesome ladies! It should have been 6 but LK couldn't make it this year (BOO!!).

Yes, usually we do a girls cruise but TH wanted "Somewhere on LAND!" so we found an all-inclusive!

Can I just start by saying that you DO NOT have to drink your money's worth in the first 4 hours??
I won't go into details because most of my travel companions read this blog but I will say that after 4 hours, we had some "Hot Cancun boyfriends (from Canada)" in the 21 year old range, our own personal medic, a group of "non-approving" women, the hotel staff knowing us AND our room number, a few girls (21 yr old range) mad at us because they were hitting on the 10 Canadian boys, a friendship with the cutest couple from Manhattan (she was a former Miss New Jersey) and my own creepy stalker guy!

So as you can see it was pretty much like any vacation I take with my girlfriends except this one was ON LAND.

I will say this.... as a MOM to 5 who is approaching 42, I still know how to have fun!
Here are some of the highlights....

• Cancun is a BLAST if you go with the right people!
• "The City" is the craziest club I have been too!
  (We literally had our own escorts to/from the restroom!)
• The bartenders at our hotel made the BEST drinks!
• My personal "shots only" plan worked wonders!
• The bus rides at 3am are funner than the clubs!
• Even in my 40's I can still attract guys, even if they are creepy!
  (Shout out to you JP wherever you are!)
• For those of you who laughed at me when you found out I bought blingy eyelashes... I got hit on by a HOT girl the night I wore them! As I tried to explain that I don't float that way, she was telling me that she couldn't help herself because "your eyelashes are so beautiful"!! HAHAHA
• Traveling with a friend who is pregnant is almost an absolute must!
  (They can fill in the blanks, just in case!)
• Tostados, refried beans, coffee and diet pepsi really do make the BEST breakfast.
• Sitting on a beach chair all day is really relaxing.
• The insulated cups I bought on zulily keep your frozen fruity drink frozen!
• Authentic Cancun tacos taste awesome at 3 am!
• Senior Frogs wasn't as fun as I had hoped!
  (Maybe it was because I was wigged out about a couple who brought in their 9 MONTH old and 3 year old kids with them!)
• A hour long massage on the beach feels so much better than at a spa!
• Walking on sand is a workout!
• Listening to a Cancun lady sing "Cupid Shuffle" is something that should be experienced by everyone!
• "Ciroc" coconut vodka and pineapple juice should be available everywhere!
• It is now a proven fact that you can get sunburned on a cloudy day!
  (However, I am sporting a pretty awesome tan right now!)
• While at the market, every 5 minutes someone was trying to get me to buy a shirt that said "I'm in Cancun Bitch!"
  (Why? Why would I buy this? Is should have said "I was in Cancun Bitch")
• Even at an ALL INCLUSIVE there will be some creep who "buys" you and your friends tequila shots.
• Having the hotel maid leave you and your friend "Lovebirds" out of towels is something that makes you both laugh all week.

All in all, I had a blast. Even though G says I can't go back next year I have a feeling that this time next year I will talking about another trip. 

Get a Mirror!

Ok so last week my family went on vacation. We were blessed to be able to go on the new Carnival Magic! While we were in the Embarkation process, we had to show our passports to security. While holding out all 7 passports the security personal start calling out everyone's name. When they get to mine they look at me, look at the passport and look at me again. The woman whispers to me "You might want to think about getting a new passport." I was like "Why?" Then she winked and sent us on our way.

So like for the next week I was thinking how cool it was that some hot lesbian was hitting on me.

Then the LONG day of debarkation came. I knew it would take a long time and I knew we would all be tired and cranky. Lets face it, debarkation SUCKS at any time but when your ship is delayed because of FOG then it royally sucks because you have to listen to all the people bithin' about it and blaming Carnival. (Back up a few hours... Where I nicely pointed out the Royal Carribean ship stuck in the bay to the port side of us when a lady was complaining about Carnival and the fog!... Even tired, I can be the greatest smartass around!)
Oh, back to debarkation. Here I am making sure we have all suitcases, carry ons & of course children counted for when the HOT security guy asks for our passports. Once again I hand them over, Gary's on top, then the kids' (in age order) and mine on the bottom. He starts going through the roll call. Everyone is holding up their hands as thier name is called.
Then he comes to mine and he stops.
He looks at me.
He looks at the passport.
He looks at me.
He then says "You need a new passport."
I thought to myself (This is so cool! First a hot security lesbian hits on me then a hot security man! I need to get a job at the Port of Galveston!!)

Here is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: Huh? Why?

hotborderpatrolman: Seriously?

Me: Yeah. Why do you say that?

hotborderpatrolman: Look at your picture.

Me: Yeah I know it sucks. I didn't know you could get another picture just because your picture sucks. I thought it was like the dmv and you just kinda get stuck with it.

hotborderpatrolman: Kimberly (we're on a first name basis now! wink wink), you need a new passport because the photo doesn't look anything like you.

Me: Well I would imagine that people change their hair a lot since they are good for 10 years.

hotborderpatrolman: Huh?

Me: Why would I have to change my picture just because my hair was long and now it is short like a boy??

hotborderpatrolman: Huh? This doesn't have anything to do with your hair. I'm talking about your face. You don't look the same.

Me: Are you sure your holding my passport?

hotborderpatrolman: Yes m'am. You look like you have lost a lot of weight.

Me: Thanks, yes I have but I don't see that big of a difference.

SUPERhotborderpatrolman: Kimberly Ayn Heuermann you need to go buy yourself a mirror! Have a safe trip home.

Ok so maybe it is time I started re-evaluating the way I look with the way I used to look. Why can't I see what everyone else sees? Seriously! Why did I seem so stupid to think that these people were flirting with me?

Geesh.... I think I need a drink.

Hey Stranger!

Hello all! I know that it has been a while since I have written here.

A few people have suggested to me that I am not writing because I am not making myself accountable. To those people I say FUCK OFF!!

In all honesty my life is crazy busy & I just dont "make" the time anymore to get on here.
Am I still trying? HELL YES
Have I reached my goal weight? HELL NO
Am I happy with what I have already accomplished? HELL YES
Do I see myself as FAT ASS KIM still? HELL YES
Why? I only wish I knew. I see the smaller size in my clothes but the mirror looks the same to me.

Another reason I haven't written is that I have had some major health issues and I am just not physically able to stare at the computer screen all day.Not to mention I just broke 2 fingers so typing is taking FOREVER!!

With that said, I think I am entering the "pissed off" stage in my transformation.

You see I am starting to take offense to people.

FOR EXAMPLE
Someone recently said to me...

"Oh my GOD! Kim is that you? WOW! You look almost UNRECOGNIZABLE!"

Unrecognizable? Are you f'ing kidding me?

Was I seriously that hiddeous before??

I honestly just don't know how to react anymore. My wit is diminished and my fingers hurt!