218

218

HOLY SHIT

I am only 19 pounds away from the 1's!

Since my revision, I have lost 22 pounds!!

I know that the next few months won't produce results as dramatic as this because I no longer have to eat broth!!

Whoop! Whoop!

I am on to soft foods again.

I know that when I started this blog I was honest about what I ate and what I thought of it and so forth. This time I am going to be even more honest.

Even though Dr. Takemyfatawaynow "suggested" that I don't drink alcohol, I did last Wednesday.
You see I went on a girls outing to Dallas to see Wicked.
Before the show we went to Twisted Root Burger Company for dinner.
This is a place that was featured on Diners, Drive ins and Dives so you know their food is AWESOME!

Well my bff LK ordered the burger I was drooling over.
It had bacon and blue cheese on it.
How can it not be fabulous??

Well we decided to split our dinner and I asked her to cut off 1/4 of that burger.
I removed the bun and immediately ate the bacon. YUM
Then I started to eat the burger portion with the blue cheese with a fork.
(Did I mention I had water while all the other bitches I was with were drinking beer??) LOL
I must mention that even though I probably only ate 1/2 of that burger, I also ate some fried pickles, like 4 of them. :)

Then we drove to Wicked and I immediately found the bar. (I know, its a gift!)
I ordered a vodka/cranberry... no bubbles.
OMG!!!
I am not sure if its because I hadn't had an "adult beverage" in forever or what but I sipped that sucker to try and make it last.

Let's say I am a cheap drunk again because when everyone else went to refill their drinks I was afraid to. You see I love my friends and they love me but even still nobody needs to be carrying my "stillfatass" to the car.

Even though I had 1 drink I felt kinda guilty.
You see I want my Dr. to be proud of me.
I want to be the patient that exceeds all the others.
I want to walk into his office and have him say "WOW!"

He already told me that I'm doing great and when I mentioned to him that I have a tricycle he said he wanted a picture of me on it just for him.(SWOON!!)

Then he said, when I reach my goal weight he wants a picture of me on it to put on his website.

Website? Smebsite!

When I reach my goal he is gonna want to put me on a billboard!!

254

254

That is the number that has been on my scale for EVER.
I tried exercising. I watched what I ate. I even tried to be nicer.

and yet....

254

No matter what, there was no change.

254
254
254

I know that this seems like a ridiculously high number to see on the scale.
You're right!
254 is a huge number.
But you know what??

384

That number is much higher.

384

That is the number that I saw when I was at a doctor's visit.
384
That is the number that haunted me as I approached 40.

How in the hell did I get myself in this position?
How in the hell did I get to be so fucking fat?
384
The sad part....
I didn't see it.
I actually thought I looked good.
What in the hell was I thinking?
NOBODY looks good at 384 pounds!

 

 

I thought I looked HOT in this picture.

HOT

HOLY SHIT what was I thinking???

How many freakin' chins can you count??

How round is my face??

What in the hell was I thinking??

 

So you know what I did. I had gastric bypass.

And for the past year all I have seen on the scale is

254

254 is better than 384

254 is better but not good.

 

So you know what I did.

I jumped through some pretty large hoops and decided to have a revision done.

You see it seems as though some people's bodies reject the gastric bypass.

Mine did that.

I did what I was suppose to MOST OF THE TIME

Yes, I'm not suppose to drink beer but sometimes I do.

I can't help it. I love dark beer on draft and if I have to drink a bottle I prefer Peroni and Belgium 1554.

 

A few beers didn't sabotage me.

 

Well before I went on my girls trip this year I went back to my liquid diet for a while so I could get in a smaller size.

It worked.

I wore a size 18 and the number was 248

248

248 but with my "fatsucker" that I bought at Target I was able to zip (while laying down) a pair of size 16 bling butt jeans.

248

248 is better than 254 but not much better.

 

Then I started doing the liquid diet again to get ready for my revision when I found out I had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

 

After my hysterectomy the scale said 244.

244

244 is better than 248 but I did have my uterus, tubes and ovaries taken out.

 

The night following my revision surgery the nurse said I weighed 240.

You see I was on a bed with a built in scale or something.

240

240 is better than the 254 I saw forever.

 

Well today I went to visit Dr. Takemyfataway to get my jp drain removed.

I was trying to decide what to wear and I reached for my size 16 bling butt jeans I bought for my girls trip.

Well obviously I couldn't wear my fat sucker because of the drain.

(Shit, I was lucky I could put my bra on!!)

 

While STANDING I put on my size 16 jeans and there seemed to be some wiggle room in the waist.

 

 

223

223

 

223 is what the scale said with bling butt jeans ON, a shirt on and a jp drain still attached!!

 

223

 

Is 223 the number I want to be at??

Hell no!

Is 223 a good start??

Hell yes!

 

Am I in pain from my surgery?

Yes

Am I on a liquid diet right now?

Yes

Am I sick of broth?

Yes

Am I sick of feeling like crap?

Yes

Am I sick of not being able to drive?

Yes

Am I sick of being forced to rest?

Yes

Am I sick of asking people for help?

YES

Did all those feelings go away when I saw 223 on the scale??

HELL YES

 

You see, I am in pain. I am sick of broth. I am sick of "resting". I am sick of not being able to drive.

I am sick of asking people for help.

 

However, I know that it will be worth it.

 

To some I may seem shallow trying to look my best.

To others, I am really no different from anyone else who tries to look good.

 

384 didn't look good to me.

254 didn't look good to me.

 

What will look good to me?

I can't say for sure.

 

I do know that I am on the right path no matter how hard this path may be this is what I have chosen for myself.



What's Going on??

Ok... time for some explanations..

Yes I have basically had 2 back to back surgerys.
The first one was a total hysterectomy on Feb 28th.
The second one was on MONDAY.

For stupid insurance reasons I had to jump through a bunch of hoops but it boils down to the fact that at 12 on Monday I went in for surgery.

The results are as follows...

 

3 inches was removed from my intestines

3/4 of my original pouch was cut off

a hernia was found and fixed while he was in there

 

So that is what I had done. The surgery lasted approximately 4 1/2 hours.

Once again I showed slow recovery with a low heartbeat and I couldn't keep my oxygen stats up.

They put me on oxygen and monitored me around the clock.

They made me get up from my hospital bed around midnight to walk the hallways and go to the restroom.

They kinda laughed at me when I asked for a toothbrush. :)

They came in my room every hour or so. I was hooked up to a morphine pump but I also had a medicine ball attached to the "sorest" area.

The next day I passed my upper gi test but my blood pressure went to 89/46 but gradually went up to 99/50. They put me back on oxygen and told me to get comfortable because I wasn't leaving anytime soon.

Wednesday I asked (begged) to go home. My blood pressure eventually went up a little, they took away my pump and said that if the blood results were good I could leave.

I got home Wednesday night around 7.

I missed my kids. I missed their smiles and their sweet voices.

Now I am home. I feel miserable but at least I knew what was basically going to happen.

This surgery is being labeled "revision".

IF I thought for one minute that the original gastric bypass hurt, then I clearly had no idea what pain was because this sucker is knocking me out!

 

Now, you know what I did and why I was in the hospital.

 

Hopefully by summertime, I will be really cute again. ;)

 

Thank you to all my friends who called to check on me. Your calls meant the world to me!