254

254

That is the number that has been on my scale for EVER.
I tried exercising. I watched what I ate. I even tried to be nicer.

and yet....

254

No matter what, there was no change.

254
254
254

I know that this seems like a ridiculously high number to see on the scale.
You're right!
254 is a huge number.
But you know what??

384

That number is much higher.

384

That is the number that I saw when I was at a doctor's visit.
384
That is the number that haunted me as I approached 40.

How in the hell did I get myself in this position?
How in the hell did I get to be so fucking fat?
384
The sad part....
I didn't see it.
I actually thought I looked good.
What in the hell was I thinking?
NOBODY looks good at 384 pounds!

 

 

I thought I looked HOT in this picture.

HOT

HOLY SHIT what was I thinking???

How many freakin' chins can you count??

How round is my face??

What in the hell was I thinking??

 

So you know what I did. I had gastric bypass.

And for the past year all I have seen on the scale is

254

254 is better than 384

254 is better but not good.

 

So you know what I did.

I jumped through some pretty large hoops and decided to have a revision done.

You see it seems as though some people's bodies reject the gastric bypass.

Mine did that.

I did what I was suppose to MOST OF THE TIME

Yes, I'm not suppose to drink beer but sometimes I do.

I can't help it. I love dark beer on draft and if I have to drink a bottle I prefer Peroni and Belgium 1554.

 

A few beers didn't sabotage me.

 

Well before I went on my girls trip this year I went back to my liquid diet for a while so I could get in a smaller size.

It worked.

I wore a size 18 and the number was 248

248

248 but with my "fatsucker" that I bought at Target I was able to zip (while laying down) a pair of size 16 bling butt jeans.

248

248 is better than 254 but not much better.

 

Then I started doing the liquid diet again to get ready for my revision when I found out I had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

 

After my hysterectomy the scale said 244.

244

244 is better than 248 but I did have my uterus, tubes and ovaries taken out.

 

The night following my revision surgery the nurse said I weighed 240.

You see I was on a bed with a built in scale or something.

240

240 is better than the 254 I saw forever.

 

Well today I went to visit Dr. Takemyfataway to get my jp drain removed.

I was trying to decide what to wear and I reached for my size 16 bling butt jeans I bought for my girls trip.

Well obviously I couldn't wear my fat sucker because of the drain.

(Shit, I was lucky I could put my bra on!!)

 

While STANDING I put on my size 16 jeans and there seemed to be some wiggle room in the waist.

 

 

223

223

 

223 is what the scale said with bling butt jeans ON, a shirt on and a jp drain still attached!!

 

223

 

Is 223 the number I want to be at??

Hell no!

Is 223 a good start??

Hell yes!

 

Am I in pain from my surgery?

Yes

Am I on a liquid diet right now?

Yes

Am I sick of broth?

Yes

Am I sick of feeling like crap?

Yes

Am I sick of not being able to drive?

Yes

Am I sick of being forced to rest?

Yes

Am I sick of asking people for help?

YES

Did all those feelings go away when I saw 223 on the scale??

HELL YES

 

You see, I am in pain. I am sick of broth. I am sick of "resting". I am sick of not being able to drive.

I am sick of asking people for help.

 

However, I know that it will be worth it.

 

To some I may seem shallow trying to look my best.

To others, I am really no different from anyone else who tries to look good.

 

384 didn't look good to me.

254 didn't look good to me.

 

What will look good to me?

I can't say for sure.

 

I do know that I am on the right path no matter how hard this path may be this is what I have chosen for myself.