August 10, 2010

Ok, I have decided that I don't really need to update this everyday anymore. All I am doing is drinking liquid crap and eating cucumbers and sugar-free popsicles. All I have to say about that is when you eat ONLY cucumbers and sf popsicles then they start to kinda taste alike. I am really not enjoying any of these things anymore. I used to enjoy the sf popsicles but they are actually starting to taste a little strong to me.

So today I wake up and leave my house before Starbucks is open. This should NEVER happen to anybody!

I drove to Baylor Dallas to do my pre-op appointment. I actually hit less traffic than I thought I would and ended up at the Doctors office BEFORE they were even there. I found a nice couch down the hall and sat and read about Chelsea Clinton's wedding. (Seriously, I don't give a rat's ass about her or her wedding but I had that or Shape to read. Really? Shape magazine? Ahhhh.... no thanks!)

So anyways, I go in to sign in and I start chatting with an older gentleman in a scooter. (Not at all like the spark scooter K has but more like a "power chair".)
This guy was BIG... I mean I know I am big but this man made me look skinny. I sat there talking with him like we had been friends for years. He was so friendly and willing to talk to me too! (Gotta be a nice guy!) Well turns out he was at the hospital for the same stuff because his surgery is on MONDAY too! In fact when I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 he has to be there at 10:00.

1st appointment... leg sonograms. Ok this is easy enough. I lay on the table sans pants and they pour the COLD gel on my leg and rub that scanner thing over my skin. I actually kinda felt like someone was massaging my legs. Then the lady noticed my kid necklace and asked me how many were on there. After the usual OH MY GOSHes she started telling me all the things that she would like to try to change about her adorable step-son. Ok, yes I have 5 kids but I am in NO WAY an expert on parenting. Don't believe me... ask my kids!
After somemore pleasantries she proceeded to tell me that I was very smart and informative. Then she said I had no clots or clots forming so I was good to go to the next activity of the day.

Next stop... counselor lady. Sign this form. Sign this form. Initial here. Initial here. blah blah blah (lawyer stuff lawyer stuff lawyer stuff) Initial here. Sign here. Ok... you are good to go to the chest x-ray.

Chest x-ray. Ok this one is going to be easy. I am going to stand in front of a screen, take a deep breath and be done. One small problem.... the chest x-ray is in the OTHER tower. Ok..... walk what feels like a mile between millions of towers and I finally find the right spot... a nurse's station. The nurse looks at me and says... "Oh you need to come here first not the chest x-ray because I have to sign you in and give you a paper bracelet for every station you need to go to!"
My thought..... HUH?

Sign here, fill this out, sign here, initial here, here's another packet for you to fill out, here are some swabs that I am going to stick up your nose and spin 5 times to check for msr? or something. Hand cramp and itchy nose later I was ready for the lab work. But first... the scale... 315. OK I MUST be retaining water because how can I weigh the same as last Friday???
Chest x-rays will be last.

Walk to ANOTHER area to get the lab work done. As I am sitting there I said outloud "6 more days Dear Jesus, 6 more days!" About 2 seconds later a black lady comes around the corner and asks me if I just said that. (Immediately I think... ut oh... she might be Jewish and I might have just offended her.) I looked at her and said that it was me and I apologized for offending her. The lady looked at me and started cracking up laughing. Apparently she said the SAME THING at the SAME TIME but used 3 days instead of 6 in her prayer. We both stood there and laughed until we cried. She then finished my labs and personally walked me to the EKG area. (Nice to meet you LaShonda!)

EKG... the lady tells me... unhook your bra and slide it over your boobs before you lay down. Ok, this sounds easy but when you have to practically use origami to get your boobs in your bra (or boobcup as h says!) then it is not as easy as it sounds. I am thinking it is not a pretty sight either.

EKG done and time for Chest x-rays. Yup you guessed it... another tower walk! I have decided that the person who designed the Baylor Dallas campus must have been super obsessed with that game Labyrinth.

I wait for the x-rays in another waiting room when a lady walks in with her ONE child. This kid must be on crack. He was running around, climbing on the coffee tables, pouring the coffee out of the dispenser, throwing magazines like they were airplanes... if you can imagine a kid doing something bad in a waiting room... he was doing it. At one point a lady asked her if she could tell her child to stop. The lady looked up and said QUOTE "I don't want to upset him". Now imagine a certain futurehotmomma drinking a sobe one minute and shooting it out her nose the next!
I saw a smackdown in my future... good thing they called my name next.

Chest x-ray sans bra and top and jewelry accomplished with no injury to anyone!

I was free to go!!!

One problem... I had no idea where I started this journey at and therefore couldn't remember where I parked my car. I walked to a tower that looked familiar and got in to press the underground garage buttons but there weren't any so I stepped off. As I stepped off ENTER MCDREAMY OR MCSTEAMY (Don't really know... never watched that show!) SO... DR MCDREAMYSTEAMY looks at me and says.. "Hon are you lost?" I looked around me thinking he was talking to someone else and said "maybe. I am looking for the elevators that go to parking garage 3" His reply... "blah blah blah blah" HONESTLY I couldn't hear a word he was saying because he was so HOT! I was imagining him saying "Oh, why don't i just escort you there personally. Afterwards we can go make out somewhere!" haha

Hey don't make fun a girl can dream....

Eventually I made my way to the correct tower and correct elevator.

5 hours later I was on my way home.