August 8, 2010

Ok, I have decided it is time to get real.
My surgery is 1 week from tomorrow.

Here are some recent revalations....

I fucking hate cucumbers.
If one more person at Costco says... "You sure must like cucumbers." to me one more time, it is highly possible I will stalk them in the parking lot and squish thier ass with my big 'ole van!

I hate celery without squeeze cheese and so I have decided not to even bother.

Did you know that if you cook cucumbers in the oven with seasoning on them, they come out resembling zucchini?

Did you know that I hate zucchini?

Do you know how much I love Starbucks?
So much that when I go through the drive-thru they ask me "Would you like your venti skinny cinnamon dulce latte hot or cold today?"
Oh yeah... I even have a personalized GOLD Starbucks giftcard.
Yeah, I am that obsessed.
Now, do you know that I will only be able to have DECAF coffee or tea and it has to be limited to 16 oz. per DAY!!!!
Per day???
I drink more than that 2 or 3 times a day!
Do you think the employees at Starbucks will forgive me?? Do you think Starbucks is going to ask for their gold card back? Do you think a tall is 16 oz because I know a venti is bigger than that? Do you think they sell a skinny cinnamon dulce latte decaf?






Sorry for the pause... I was wiping my tears away.........

Ok... for the reality... I have decided to fill in my numbers from the scale.
If you are reading this and I see you on a regular basis all I ask is that you don't look at me in horror.

I AM DAMN SERIOUS ABOUT THIS PEOPLE!

IF YOU LOOK AT ME THE WAY MOST PEOPLE DO I WILL BE PISSED OFF!

IT IS BAD ENOUGH TO BE LOOKED AT LIKE I AM SOME SORT OF MONSTER EVEN WHEN I THINK I LOOK KINDA CUTE!
IT IS BAD ENOUGH WHEN LITTLE KIDS LOOK AT ME AND SAY... "WOW, SHE SURE IS FAT!!" (Nice job stupid ass racist parents!)
IT IS BAD ENOUGH WHEN I HAVE TO THINK THAT MY KIDS FRIENDS ARE SAYING SHIT BEHIND THEIR BACKS ABOUT HOW FAT THEIR MOM IS!
IT IS BAD ENOUGH TO BE THE ONE ON THE AIRPLANE THAT NOBODY WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO!
IT IS BAD ENOUGH TO GO TO A RESTAURANT AND PRAY THAT I AM NOT SEATED IN A BOOTH!
IT IS BAD ENOUGH TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE WHEN I TAKE MY KIDS TO THE POOL!
I SEE THE LOOKS FROM THE LIFEGUARDS, MONITORS AND OTHER PATRONS OF THE POOL!
I KNOW I DON'T LOOK GOOD IN A BATHING SUIT SO STARING AT ME AND MAKING SIDE COMMENTS WHEN I WALK AWAY WILL NEVER MAKE ME LOOK BETTER!

IT IS BAD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT AS A FAT PERSON I AM TREATED DIFFERENTLY!

I am not asking to be skinny. I just want to be of "average" size so that the discusted looks don't always have to be directed towards me.

I already know I am fat so making fun of me won't make me skinny. It will just make me madder.

I am always trying to please other people so that they will be my friend. If this is the reason that I am your friend then I want you to stop being my friend now.

If you think that me doing this gastric bypass is "the easy way out" then you have no idea how hard I fight every damn day of my life.

If you are uncomfortable about being seen with me now, then I don't want any part of you when this process is over!

Just because I will NEVER be fat again, doesn't mean that I will put up with your ignorance. I am the same person on the inside so if I am around you and make fun of someone because of race, sexual orientation or size I will ALWAYS give you my opinion! ALWAYS!!! If you are lucky, I won't walk away from you!

The time has come for me to take a stand.
I AM ABOUT TO UNDERGO A METAPHORPHISIS AND YOU ARE EITHER ON MY SIDE OR YOU AREN'T.



Now that I have that off my chest... I am ready to reveal the numbers because in a week they will NEVER look this bad again!



STOP JUDGING NOW!!!



When I decided that G's insurance was going to cover gastric bypass I was in the doctor's office dealing with my foot.
They asked me to step on the scale........ 340

The day I went to see Dr. Barnes (aka Dr. Takemyfatawaynow)the scale read... 335

The day I saw the dietician the scale read... 338. That is also the day I started this diary.

When I went for my scheduling appt with Dr. Barnes the scale read 320!

When I got back from Austin the scale read 328!!! (I was retaining a lot of water!)

When I got home from Galveston the scale read 320.

When I went to my weight loss class on Friday their scale read 315!

From now on when I update... all numbers will be disclosed.

From here on out I will have full disclosure and will hold nothing back... not even some stupid numbers.