July 3, 2010

Today my body and my nerves have been shot to shit.
I CLEARLY told my fucking family to let me sleep in.
Instead I am woken up to the sounds of G & H telling me to "hurry up" and get ready because they are late for Home Depot Day and EVERYONE wants me to go!
I mumble something like "I don't care! Leave me alone! I am tired! I hate Home Depot!"

20 minutes later I was in the van with my vitamin water zero in one hand and my crack in the other. Ok, it is not really crack but it is Ice Breakers gum and apparently my husband thinks I act like I am on a withdrawal if I can't find it. Which by the way, would please him more than anything because he has some stupid phobia about gum!
Anyway the gum was where it was suppose to be in the van so it calmed me down long enough to realize that I probably shouldn't kill the man, even though he did wake me up!

So we go to Home Depot to make another freakin' project. AND once again I am on the floor of the store building 3 compared to G's 2. I think the only reason he wanted me to go is so he would have help. I always build more than him. I get to the lumber area and sit on the floor and the kids follow me most of the time. Usually G only has K's project but today L was mad at me about something so she wanted "daddy" to help her.
As we were walking out they asked us if we wanted FREE POPCORN, hot dogs and nachos!! POPCORN!!! AAAAHHHHHH (LOUD SCREAM)!!!! Why is everyone out to be my saboture??? I feel like there is some force somewhere saying "Hahahahahaha you are a fat slob! Lookie lookie it's your favorite... P O P C O R N..... and you can't have any!! hahahahahahaha"

After Home Depot we went to the library to return our books but they were closed........... furlough work day or something...... they even had their drop box CLOSED.

Now it was off to Sams. I had said that I needed to go to Costco but there were a few things I needed at Sams also. G asked me if I could just get everything at Sams. I said I could but they better find me a geriatric shopping cart because there was NO way I could handle all the walking it was going to take to get my family in and out of that store with NO LIST!!
I am not sure how long we were in Sams for but I can tell you this...
My children and my spouse ate every sample TWICE
My spouse reminded me of why he likes Sams better than Costco when he noticed a sample
for beer (crappy miller and coors lite but it's still beer... well kinda)
My children act like monkeys who have escaped from the zoo when G is shopping with me.
I only had to get out of my wheelie cart ONE time to go to Toilet Timeout.
My spouse decided that we need new toilets so he bought 3 efficiency ones. Apparently you
press the "1" button when you pee and the "2" button when you poo. Aaahhhh how cute!
I know now that if my friend RK is reading this right now, he is thinking "OH SHIT G!!! I
know that your lazy ass ain't going to put those toilets in before I get there. FUCK!!!" (RK....
honey... you might be right. I love you!! ;)

After Sams... Sears to get L's glasses fixed and to order H's new ones. Well they were out until such and such time so H pipes up and says... "Justice is having a HUGE sale... 40% off of everything in the store!!"

Next stop Justice. Gary took the boys home to unload the van from Sam's and then to Old Navy for them a flag tee.
1 1/2 hours later I was FINALLY leaving Justice for Sears.

The lady isn't able to fix L's glasses so she will have to wear her older pair for now... at least until her prescription changes. We get H's ordered and H starts to tell this lady about how she was able to shop at Justice for some shorts and stuff. The lady tells G that Sears is ALSO having a clearance sale.... an additional 40% off ALL clearance items.
2 or 3 hours later we were leaving Sears for home...............

We get home around 8, I make a fast dinner for my family using a new recipe....
Don't worry about what I ate, because whatever it was it wasn't worth the calories in it. OH did I mention I was the only one in my family to NOT eat the hot dog, popcorn and nachos from Home Depot and the countless samples from Sams???
That's right folks, all I have had is several bottles of water and a few vitamin water zeros.

If that damn scale doesn't show any difference tomorrow I am going to put myself on the ALL slimfast, all the time diet.
I will have to do it 2 weeks before surgery so I might as well start now! I need to see some results soon before I end up and go postal on someone..............