For the past 3 years or longer, I haven't been able to smell.
I lost it once when I was pregnant with H and it came back when I delivered the triplets.
Then when baby h was 2 he smacked my nose with his hard head and broke it. I haven't been able to smell since.
Well when I was shopping for Christmas presents this year I walked into Victoria's Secret to get a gift card for my neice. While standing in the HUGE line to checkout, I sprayed something called "Shimmer". At first I thought "UGH!! That's horrible!" (Which has been my nose's way of telling me that perfume stinks since it has been broken.)
A little while later I found myself in Macy's buying my boys some cutie patotie winter hats. While standing in line to check out I SMELLED "what I thought" was the lady in front of me. I said... "What kind of perfume are you wearing, it smells so good?" She just looked at me in my face like I had sprouted another head.
AWKWARD SILENCE MOMENT!!!
So, then I kept smelling it and it was STRONG and it smelt great!
I sniffed my hand and realized the pretty smell was coming from ME!!
Do you know what I did next? That's right, I walked my ass back to Victoria's Secret to buy me some of that Shimmer stuff.
I walked right in and grabbed me a bottle and went to wait in line again. The cute little girl that helped me before asked me what I needed and I told her my story. She then showed me that there was a whole gift set that came with a bottle of the perfume, a small bottle of perfume, a lotion and a body wash. Then she showed me the Shimmer in a larger bottle. So I bought the gift set and the large bottle of the Shimmer stuff.
Would you like to know what the perfume was called?
Heavenly
Isn't that fitting?
I wonder if dropping weight is helping with my smell??
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Dresses!
I was visiting with some friends the other day and they were asking me what I was going to wear on my upcoming vacation.
SHIT! I completely forgot about formal night on the cruise. I bought some new dresses last year but I am happy to say that those size 26/28 and 30/32 dresses are no longer able to fit me. :)
My friends suggested I go to Ross. I have never even walked into that store before so I was aprehensive.
I walked into Ross and headed straight for the dresses. I first picked up size 24 and headed to the fitting room. The man at the fitting room asked me if the dresses were for me. (Yes, they are GENIOUS!!)
Well the man (or manly woman... still not sure) said that those dresses were not about to fit me and that I should find a smaller size.
So I went back and found some size 22 dresses. I took them back and they were big. Back to the rack and got size 20. Verdict... still too big. So, I go back to the rack and grab some 18's.
Now some of you might be saying.. "Why didn't you grab the 18s to begin with? Isn't that the size of jeans you are wearing??"
I have to say that once I thought about it the size 18 did make sense.
This weight loss shit is such a damn mental battle I feel like some days I am on the loosing side of this war!!
So I grabbed what I thought was 4~18's.
I also grabbed one of those things that is kinda sheer, short sleeves and reminds me of a bolero jacket. I don't know what those things are called because I have never worn them before.
The problem is that the dresses I found are all sleeveless or have thin straps for sleeves. Now, I don't know about you but I have "flags" at the bottom of my arms so they do not need to be shown in public. This little shirt thing covered up my arms perfectly and went with all the dresses that I picked out.
Back to dresses...
While I was doing a happy dance in the dressing room I had one last dress to try on.
I put it on and I thought "this one looks nice but it is a little tighter than the others".
I took it off and looked at the size... a FREAKIN' 16!!
If you know me then you know that that is the first one I put on the counter.
All in all I bought 3 formal-type dresses, a walk-about dress and that little sheer jacket thingy.
YIPEE!!
SHIT! I completely forgot about formal night on the cruise. I bought some new dresses last year but I am happy to say that those size 26/28 and 30/32 dresses are no longer able to fit me. :)
My friends suggested I go to Ross. I have never even walked into that store before so I was aprehensive.
I walked into Ross and headed straight for the dresses. I first picked up size 24 and headed to the fitting room. The man at the fitting room asked me if the dresses were for me. (Yes, they are GENIOUS!!)
Well the man (or manly woman... still not sure) said that those dresses were not about to fit me and that I should find a smaller size.
So I went back and found some size 22 dresses. I took them back and they were big. Back to the rack and got size 20. Verdict... still too big. So, I go back to the rack and grab some 18's.
Now some of you might be saying.. "Why didn't you grab the 18s to begin with? Isn't that the size of jeans you are wearing??"
I have to say that once I thought about it the size 18 did make sense.
This weight loss shit is such a damn mental battle I feel like some days I am on the loosing side of this war!!
So I grabbed what I thought was 4~18's.
I also grabbed one of those things that is kinda sheer, short sleeves and reminds me of a bolero jacket. I don't know what those things are called because I have never worn them before.
The problem is that the dresses I found are all sleeveless or have thin straps for sleeves. Now, I don't know about you but I have "flags" at the bottom of my arms so they do not need to be shown in public. This little shirt thing covered up my arms perfectly and went with all the dresses that I picked out.
Back to dresses...
While I was doing a happy dance in the dressing room I had one last dress to try on.
I put it on and I thought "this one looks nice but it is a little tighter than the others".
I took it off and looked at the size... a FREAKIN' 16!!
If you know me then you know that that is the first one I put on the counter.
All in all I bought 3 formal-type dresses, a walk-about dress and that little sheer jacket thingy.
YIPEE!!
New Goals
Ok, I have decided to make some new goals.
My first goal is to be able to wear a tennis bracelet that G bought me about 14 years ago.
The bracelet has NEVER fit my arm. I was able to fasten it one time when G first gave it to me. He asked me to take it to the store to get it "sized up" but I found that phrase so insulting that I refused to do it. Besides, I figured I would loose enough weight soon enough that it would fit. (Famous last words!) Several of my friends have borrowed it over the years for special occasions but I have always wished it was me.
Now I have another piece of jewelry... a new Seiko watch with diamonds on the face. My brother and his bride bought it for me for Christmas. I LOVE it and it fits but it is kinda tight on my arm. I can wear it without losing circulation so it is not as tight as my bracelet.
So my new goals are being able to wear my bracelet and my watch and have them kinda dangle like my bracelet from Tiffany's.
Wish me luck...
My first goal is to be able to wear a tennis bracelet that G bought me about 14 years ago.
The bracelet has NEVER fit my arm. I was able to fasten it one time when G first gave it to me. He asked me to take it to the store to get it "sized up" but I found that phrase so insulting that I refused to do it. Besides, I figured I would loose enough weight soon enough that it would fit. (Famous last words!) Several of my friends have borrowed it over the years for special occasions but I have always wished it was me.
Now I have another piece of jewelry... a new Seiko watch with diamonds on the face. My brother and his bride bought it for me for Christmas. I LOVE it and it fits but it is kinda tight on my arm. I can wear it without losing circulation so it is not as tight as my bracelet.
So my new goals are being able to wear my bracelet and my watch and have them kinda dangle like my bracelet from Tiffany's.
Wish me luck...
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Goals
Ok so I have been avoiding the scale because this weight loss is also an emotional battle. I don't know why.
Well since my friend AG won't get off my ass about it, I decided to just get it over with!
The results???
234!!
That means I have lost 106 pounds!!
I have met my goal!
Now what?
Well since my friend AG won't get off my ass about it, I decided to just get it over with!
The results???
234!!
That means I have lost 106 pounds!!
I have met my goal!
Now what?
Monday, December 27, 2010
Bariatric Surgery Support Group ~ Holiday Editiono
Ok, so where to begin?
I had decided that the only way Dr. Takemyfatawaynow was going to ask me out was by having him know about my mad cooking skills. The problem? My mad skills are best shown in the dessert section.
I think I know what you're thinking... Isn't taking desserts to this meeting kinda like taking a bottle of wine to your AA sponsor? (Thanks JA for bringing this to my attention. LOL) Perhaps so, but a married 40 year old with a crush has limited options.
So I made LOTS of goodies and packaged them up in adorable Christmas "chinese takeout boxes". Are you wondering what I brought him?
Try not to drool... butter-rum poundcake, red velvet cake, peppermint bark, HOMEMADE pumpkin fudge and my Icouldsobethenextmrsfields chocolate chip cookies! For my meeting I made chicken wings that were marinated in soy sauce and pineapple juice. Then they were baked with a layer of sugar free lemon jello granules and poppy seeds. Very pretty dish!
During the meeting we all had to introduce ourselves... Hi my name is Kim and I had gastric bypass on August 16th.... I have lost "x" amount of pounds... etc etc etc
Well as any of my friends can tell you, I really wasn't listening that well. It is because I was distracted by Dr Iwanttodateyou! I caught him peeking into his boxes and pulling out a cookie. He put the cookie behind his back and then turned around. When he turned back around he had the cutest look upon his face. I watched him do this a few more times. When I got up to talk to someone he walked over to MOI! He started off by saying I "looked good" (heart fluttering) and then he said "That is the best cookie I have ever eaten. I think you should sell them." Halleluah Hallelulah I'm getting closer to being told...Kim, you are the one for me! Or at least being asked out on a date.
Don't you think??? (better say yes)
I had decided that the only way Dr. Takemyfatawaynow was going to ask me out was by having him know about my mad cooking skills. The problem? My mad skills are best shown in the dessert section.
I think I know what you're thinking... Isn't taking desserts to this meeting kinda like taking a bottle of wine to your AA sponsor? (Thanks JA for bringing this to my attention. LOL) Perhaps so, but a married 40 year old with a crush has limited options.
So I made LOTS of goodies and packaged them up in adorable Christmas "chinese takeout boxes". Are you wondering what I brought him?
Try not to drool... butter-rum poundcake, red velvet cake, peppermint bark, HOMEMADE pumpkin fudge and my Icouldsobethenextmrsfields chocolate chip cookies! For my meeting I made chicken wings that were marinated in soy sauce and pineapple juice. Then they were baked with a layer of sugar free lemon jello granules and poppy seeds. Very pretty dish!
During the meeting we all had to introduce ourselves... Hi my name is Kim and I had gastric bypass on August 16th.... I have lost "x" amount of pounds... etc etc etc
Well as any of my friends can tell you, I really wasn't listening that well. It is because I was distracted by Dr Iwanttodateyou! I caught him peeking into his boxes and pulling out a cookie. He put the cookie behind his back and then turned around. When he turned back around he had the cutest look upon his face. I watched him do this a few more times. When I got up to talk to someone he walked over to MOI! He started off by saying I "looked good" (heart fluttering) and then he said "That is the best cookie I have ever eaten. I think you should sell them." Halleluah Hallelulah I'm getting closer to being told...Kim, you are the one for me! Or at least being asked out on a date.
Don't you think??? (better say yes)
Monday, December 13, 2010
December 13, 2010
I just wanted to share my favorite quote with you.....
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote and I try to live my life by it. It is hard to fail but sometimes I feel like I fail myself. I know that I am not suppose to eat certain things but every once in a while I slip. I know as I am eating those cape cod chips that I should not be eating them but the crisp salty flavor on my tongue makes me forget for a moment how horrible I will feel later.
I saw a lady tonight who hasn't seen me for MONTHS. She looked at me shockingly and asked me how much weight I had lost. I told her ... "I think 95 pounds or maybe a little more?"
She then asked me if I cheated by having surgery because there is no way I could loose that much otherwise.
I informed her by saying that Yes I did have surgery but in no way is that cheating! I started to go on a rant about how I struggle with choices everyday but decided not to waste my breath on someone that didn't get it. Instead I told her... my quote. She looked at me in astonishment and apologized for offending me. I told her that I RARELY get offended, I just get upset when people say that I cheated by having surgery. So I will say it again...
I DID NOT CHEAT!! I TOOK EXTREME MEASURES TO TRY NOT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!
When will people learn????
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote and I try to live my life by it. It is hard to fail but sometimes I feel like I fail myself. I know that I am not suppose to eat certain things but every once in a while I slip. I know as I am eating those cape cod chips that I should not be eating them but the crisp salty flavor on my tongue makes me forget for a moment how horrible I will feel later.
I saw a lady tonight who hasn't seen me for MONTHS. She looked at me shockingly and asked me how much weight I had lost. I told her ... "I think 95 pounds or maybe a little more?"
She then asked me if I cheated by having surgery because there is no way I could loose that much otherwise.
I informed her by saying that Yes I did have surgery but in no way is that cheating! I started to go on a rant about how I struggle with choices everyday but decided not to waste my breath on someone that didn't get it. Instead I told her... my quote. She looked at me in astonishment and apologized for offending me. I told her that I RARELY get offended, I just get upset when people say that I cheated by having surgery. So I will say it again...
I DID NOT CHEAT!! I TOOK EXTREME MEASURES TO TRY NOT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!
When will people learn????
Thursday, December 9, 2010
December 9, 2010
Ok I have to admit it. I still haven't stepped on a scale.
I will say this... I am able to wear those size 18 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and I am able to zip and button them all while STANDING!!
I still feel full quick and have learned that several things are not my friend... tater tots, macaroni in any form or shape, well actually... pasta in general is a tricky subject. Chili is not something that I am able to eat that much of. I made a white chicken chili and my body did better with that than red chili. I LOVE fritoes but my new system hates them, the sight of them and pretty much the look of them. Gone are the days of my friend Rick's shrimp dip with fritoes scoops. I tried to eat it when he visited but my system said... "Yeah.. don't think so!"
I did decide to buy myself a George Foreman grill. Actually I used my Kohl's Kash on it but the grill is what I chose. So I brought it home and decided to cook some burgers on it. Now let me tell you this... we make burgers a lot. My kids love them, my spouse loves them and I can eat about 1/4th without the bun and my mouth is watering afterwards! So I toss 4 on my new kitchen contraption. I look at it and wonder how they are going to turn out. I set my timer for 5 min because I figured I will check them after a few minutes anyways. As they are cooking the grease is collecting in that tray. Now I had always seen the grease on the bottom of my indoor grill pan but didn't realize just how much grease 8 hamburgers produce. By the time the last 4 burgers were done, the fat tray was filled up! So that is when I decided that I made a good purchase.
Now I have a dilemma. I have to make a TON of sweets next week for teachers, kids friends, neighbors, etc. I can do it because I did it for Thanksgiving.
My dilemma is that my weight loss surgery support group is asking me to bring some finger food. Oh.. did I mention... DR B will be there???? Now is my chance to show him my cooking ability so he can ask me out!! The problem... I MAKE SWEETS!!!! Really really good ones!!!
What can I make that is "somewhat healthy" but so totally outstanding that he says.. "Oh Kim.. you really are the one for me!!"
I don't think that I should make him sweets but maybe I should??? I could show my mad cooking skills by only making him a sweet plate then I could make something else for the other people?
Oh my sweet friends.... HELP ME!!! I have less than ONE WEEK to find a recipe that will have him asking for more than a walk outside! hubba hubba!!
I will say this... I am able to wear those size 18 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and I am able to zip and button them all while STANDING!!
I still feel full quick and have learned that several things are not my friend... tater tots, macaroni in any form or shape, well actually... pasta in general is a tricky subject. Chili is not something that I am able to eat that much of. I made a white chicken chili and my body did better with that than red chili. I LOVE fritoes but my new system hates them, the sight of them and pretty much the look of them. Gone are the days of my friend Rick's shrimp dip with fritoes scoops. I tried to eat it when he visited but my system said... "Yeah.. don't think so!"
I did decide to buy myself a George Foreman grill. Actually I used my Kohl's Kash on it but the grill is what I chose. So I brought it home and decided to cook some burgers on it. Now let me tell you this... we make burgers a lot. My kids love them, my spouse loves them and I can eat about 1/4th without the bun and my mouth is watering afterwards! So I toss 4 on my new kitchen contraption. I look at it and wonder how they are going to turn out. I set my timer for 5 min because I figured I will check them after a few minutes anyways. As they are cooking the grease is collecting in that tray. Now I had always seen the grease on the bottom of my indoor grill pan but didn't realize just how much grease 8 hamburgers produce. By the time the last 4 burgers were done, the fat tray was filled up! So that is when I decided that I made a good purchase.
Now I have a dilemma. I have to make a TON of sweets next week for teachers, kids friends, neighbors, etc. I can do it because I did it for Thanksgiving.
My dilemma is that my weight loss surgery support group is asking me to bring some finger food. Oh.. did I mention... DR B will be there???? Now is my chance to show him my cooking ability so he can ask me out!! The problem... I MAKE SWEETS!!!! Really really good ones!!!
What can I make that is "somewhat healthy" but so totally outstanding that he says.. "Oh Kim.. you really are the one for me!!"
I don't think that I should make him sweets but maybe I should??? I could show my mad cooking skills by only making him a sweet plate then I could make something else for the other people?
Oh my sweet friends.... HELP ME!!! I have less than ONE WEEK to find a recipe that will have him asking for more than a walk outside! hubba hubba!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
November 30. 2010
Ok I have not stepped on a scale since Thanksgiving. I will tell you why... GREEN BEAN BUNDLES!!
Before Thanksgiving a question was asked during my support group meeting.. "What do we do about Thanksgiving?"
The question I heard was "How in the hell are we going to manage not eating a bunch on the day we are suppose to be stuffing our faces??"
She suggested only picking out the stuff we really like and don't always have.
So Thanksgiving morning comes around and I am baking a ham, some yummy potatoes (SC's recipe!), copper pennies, my cheese ball (log this time because it would not cooperate!), orange balls, pecan pie and a new experiment.. pumpkin spice fudge. The pumpkin pecan pie I experimented with was ate a few days before Thanksgiving... I guess it was a hit. haha
So we get to my mother's house and my brother, his wife and my sister's father-in-law keep staring at me. I guess it had been a while since they saw me. So they kept staring at me saying... "WOW!!"
(NOTETOSELF: Avoid all friends and family for a while to get same reaction!)
So we said Grace and everyone DUG IN like they hadn't eaten in a few days. I kinda stood around and starting fixing kids' drinks. I had decided that I would be the last one to fix a plate so I wouldn't get caught up in the "piling my plate frenzy".
By the time I started fixing my plate everyone else was sitting down. I decided to start off with a small plate instead of the big ones. I put a tiny amount on my plate of the copper pennies (Thanksgiving staple), turkey, ham, my sister's broccoli casserole and my potatoes. I did manage to also add 1 of my sister-in-laws deviled eggs and 1 green bean bundles on my plate. I avoided the rolls and everything else. Oh, when I say tiny I mean a TEENY TINY amount. When I sat down my brother asked me if I was going to enjoy my "appetizer". Everyone was shocked at how little I had on my plate. When everyone got up for a second round I handed my small plate to G, gave him my most pitiful face and asked for 1 more deviled egg and 2 more green bean bundles. He seemed shocked knowing how little I eat these days. I assured him I would finish them all but I would probably take a while. I avoided the pumpkin pies (my favorite), the pecan pie and all the other desserts available. Instead I grabbed one cup of spiced cider and sipped on it for the next hour.
I would like to think that I worked it off doing some Black Friday shopping with my mom the next day but I am still afraid to look at the scale. I want it to say 240 so bad I can scream. I think I will look tomorrow while everyone is at school...
maybe......
Before Thanksgiving a question was asked during my support group meeting.. "What do we do about Thanksgiving?"
The question I heard was "How in the hell are we going to manage not eating a bunch on the day we are suppose to be stuffing our faces??"
She suggested only picking out the stuff we really like and don't always have.
So Thanksgiving morning comes around and I am baking a ham, some yummy potatoes (SC's recipe!), copper pennies, my cheese ball (log this time because it would not cooperate!), orange balls, pecan pie and a new experiment.. pumpkin spice fudge. The pumpkin pecan pie I experimented with was ate a few days before Thanksgiving... I guess it was a hit. haha
So we get to my mother's house and my brother, his wife and my sister's father-in-law keep staring at me. I guess it had been a while since they saw me. So they kept staring at me saying... "WOW!!"
(NOTETOSELF: Avoid all friends and family for a while to get same reaction!)
So we said Grace and everyone DUG IN like they hadn't eaten in a few days. I kinda stood around and starting fixing kids' drinks. I had decided that I would be the last one to fix a plate so I wouldn't get caught up in the "piling my plate frenzy".
By the time I started fixing my plate everyone else was sitting down. I decided to start off with a small plate instead of the big ones. I put a tiny amount on my plate of the copper pennies (Thanksgiving staple), turkey, ham, my sister's broccoli casserole and my potatoes. I did manage to also add 1 of my sister-in-laws deviled eggs and 1 green bean bundles on my plate. I avoided the rolls and everything else. Oh, when I say tiny I mean a TEENY TINY amount. When I sat down my brother asked me if I was going to enjoy my "appetizer". Everyone was shocked at how little I had on my plate. When everyone got up for a second round I handed my small plate to G, gave him my most pitiful face and asked for 1 more deviled egg and 2 more green bean bundles. He seemed shocked knowing how little I eat these days. I assured him I would finish them all but I would probably take a while. I avoided the pumpkin pies (my favorite), the pecan pie and all the other desserts available. Instead I grabbed one cup of spiced cider and sipped on it for the next hour.
I would like to think that I worked it off doing some Black Friday shopping with my mom the next day but I am still afraid to look at the scale. I want it to say 240 so bad I can scream. I think I will look tomorrow while everyone is at school...
maybe......
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
November 24 part 2
Ok this update is for those of you who are paying close attention.
About a month ago I decided to buy a pair of jeans from Costco. This wasn't any ordinary jeans, these were Gloria Vanderbilt. Yes, ladies and gentlemen the same jeans I wore in high school when I thought my shit didn't stink.
Well we all know that Gloria's jeans run small. So I was thinking that if I bought the 18 then maybe that would be like a 16 or at the very least 17 1/2. giggle
So I came home and TRIED to put them on. Apparently the size 20 I bought from Macy's is like 2 or 3 sizes bigger than these 18 Vanderbilts.
I considered taking them back because I figured the only day I would be able to zip them up would be the day that they cut off my triplet hangover, aka butt in the front!
Well today I was feeling a little snarky. I sent my family and my company out for the day so I could make some goodies for Thanksgiving without being bothered.
Instead of baking I played on this computer, checked facebook, did some "santa" shopping online and decided to take a shower. When I got out of the shower I thought.. "Maybe I do look a little different."
I have thought about it more and more ever since my friend LK's husband gave me a second glance. LK's husband is so handsome (of course he would have to be to stand next to LK... gorgeous!!) At any rate, he seemed surprised by the new me so it made me want to look a little closer in the mirror.
Moving on.....
I got out of the shower and dried off. I reached for my NOW BAGGY SIZE 20 JEANS FROM MACY'S and decided to give the 18's "one more try".
Would anyone care to guess which ones I have on right now??
THE SIZE 18 GLORIA VANDERBILTS ARE ON ME RIGHT NOW!!!
Of course, I had to lay down on the bed, excurt some serious arm and hand muscles and close my eyes in case any buttons or rivets started flying.
Also, when you hear of something called a "muffin top" I don't think what is going on right now can even be considered into that category.
This is more like a "Bakery style XL muffin top" but I don't care.
The jeans are on and I must say from the WAIST DOWN I look pretty damn good!
I must say one more thing... be greatful that nobody is home right now because if I manage to get my ass off this couch then there seriously could be some flying parts....
Wish me luck.......
About a month ago I decided to buy a pair of jeans from Costco. This wasn't any ordinary jeans, these were Gloria Vanderbilt. Yes, ladies and gentlemen the same jeans I wore in high school when I thought my shit didn't stink.
Well we all know that Gloria's jeans run small. So I was thinking that if I bought the 18 then maybe that would be like a 16 or at the very least 17 1/2. giggle
So I came home and TRIED to put them on. Apparently the size 20 I bought from Macy's is like 2 or 3 sizes bigger than these 18 Vanderbilts.
I considered taking them back because I figured the only day I would be able to zip them up would be the day that they cut off my triplet hangover, aka butt in the front!
Well today I was feeling a little snarky. I sent my family and my company out for the day so I could make some goodies for Thanksgiving without being bothered.
Instead of baking I played on this computer, checked facebook, did some "santa" shopping online and decided to take a shower. When I got out of the shower I thought.. "Maybe I do look a little different."
I have thought about it more and more ever since my friend LK's husband gave me a second glance. LK's husband is so handsome (of course he would have to be to stand next to LK... gorgeous!!) At any rate, he seemed surprised by the new me so it made me want to look a little closer in the mirror.
Moving on.....
I got out of the shower and dried off. I reached for my NOW BAGGY SIZE 20 JEANS FROM MACY'S and decided to give the 18's "one more try".
Would anyone care to guess which ones I have on right now??
THE SIZE 18 GLORIA VANDERBILTS ARE ON ME RIGHT NOW!!!
Of course, I had to lay down on the bed, excurt some serious arm and hand muscles and close my eyes in case any buttons or rivets started flying.
Also, when you hear of something called a "muffin top" I don't think what is going on right now can even be considered into that category.
This is more like a "Bakery style XL muffin top" but I don't care.
The jeans are on and I must say from the WAIST DOWN I look pretty damn good!
I must say one more thing... be greatful that nobody is home right now because if I manage to get my ass off this couch then there seriously could be some flying parts....
Wish me luck.......
November 24, 2010
It has been a while since I have been on here. For that I apologize. I have been having a ton of "whoe is me" days. For most of you, I bet you are thinking.. "What the hell?" Seriously though, I have been trying really hard yet the scale doesn't seem to move. My clothes are baggier then they have been in a while and yet the scale stays the same. So today (yesterday) I got on my Wii Fit Plus. I was able to get on there a few months back and I was so depressed that I decided not to get back on. So today I slept in and missed my water aerobics class so I decided to work out at home. I pulled out the wii and prepared to do battle with myself. I braved the "body test" and do you know what it said????
246
HOLY SHIT!!!
I couldn't believe it.
I started screaming at the tv.
My kids ran into the living room and asked what was wrong. All I could do is point to the tv. My girls started screaming too because they noticed the number right away. This means that...
I am 6 small pounds shy of 100 pounds!!!
I just can't believe it. I really wish I could see it but I don't. I am starting to feel it because I find that I have more energy. I have also noticed that some men are starting to pay attention to me. I have always been a flirt, just my nature, but these days I have noticed some guys in particular starting to flirt with me a little. I am boggled by this because it is so new.
Well... for now I will be happy with my latest goal. I am still far away from my ultimate goal but I am excited that I will reach my first goal. In case I never told you... My first goal was to loose 100 pounds by my family vacation in January! I think I am going to make it!!!!
Oh Happy Day!!!
246
HOLY SHIT!!!
I couldn't believe it.
I started screaming at the tv.
My kids ran into the living room and asked what was wrong. All I could do is point to the tv. My girls started screaming too because they noticed the number right away. This means that...
I am 6 small pounds shy of 100 pounds!!!
I just can't believe it. I really wish I could see it but I don't. I am starting to feel it because I find that I have more energy. I have also noticed that some men are starting to pay attention to me. I have always been a flirt, just my nature, but these days I have noticed some guys in particular starting to flirt with me a little. I am boggled by this because it is so new.
Well... for now I will be happy with my latest goal. I am still far away from my ultimate goal but I am excited that I will reach my first goal. In case I never told you... My first goal was to loose 100 pounds by my family vacation in January! I think I am going to make it!!!!
Oh Happy Day!!!
Friday, November 12, 2010
November 12, 2010
Last night I got to spend some time with some of my favorite mommy friends. When I was there they all complimented me on how I looked. I so wish that I could see what they see. I really wish I could but I honestly see the "overly fat Kim" in the mirror. I have talked about this before and I wish I could explain it but I can't.
So moving on... I have made some major achievements lately that I haven't talked about so here I go....
For the first time in at least 8 years, I am able to wear my wedding rings AND I am able to take them off if I need to.
My scale read 258! That number is significant for 2 reasons... the first one being I am now in the 5's!!!! The second is that I only need 20 more pounds to loose to make my loss 100 pounds since I started!
So for those of you who are bad at math, I have lost a total of 80 pounds since I started!!!
So moving on... I have made some major achievements lately that I haven't talked about so here I go....
For the first time in at least 8 years, I am able to wear my wedding rings AND I am able to take them off if I need to.
My scale read 258! That number is significant for 2 reasons... the first one being I am now in the 5's!!!! The second is that I only need 20 more pounds to loose to make my loss 100 pounds since I started!
So for those of you who are bad at math, I have lost a total of 80 pounds since I started!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
November 5, 2010
Your Daily Horoscope
Too much running around might have you feeling exhausted and under the weather today, Cancer. You may have been exercising a little too much. Therefore, this is a good day to avoid exercise and get some rest. Don't push yourself too hard! This isn't a good day to plan or start a vacation. Wait a few days, as trips planned at this time could be fraught with glitches.
This is my honest to goodness horoscope for today. I wonder if somewhere in the universe someone is telling me to slow down. I have not weighed myself for fear of the number. I have been good and avoiding the candy but I find myself wanting to cheat. I know I will be sick for days but I really want that damn butterfinger that is staring at me. It's as if it is saying... "Eat me Kim! You know I am worth the little pain you will feel later! You know you want me more than the Snickers. Oh... and since there is no $100,000 bar around, eat me!!" Instead I grab my water with crystal light and pretend it is the same.
I did go to CVS and buy some more crack to help me out. (For those new to reading this: Crack = Ice Breakers sugar free gum!) I haven't been able to find the big container and the other night I had to go into CVS to buy some damn pull ups. It's like when I was dragging my fat ass to the register, all of a sudden there it was. It was kinda like someone was pointing a flashlight down on the container. I must have looked like a crazy lady. I think I almost kissed the container before I set it down on the counter. The lady at the register asked me if I was ok and I said... "I am now that I found some crack!" After seeing the concerned look on her face I thought it might be a good idea to explain that to me sugar free gum is my crack. It got me through my diet shake days so maybe it will get me through my "woe is me" days.
Too much running around might have you feeling exhausted and under the weather today, Cancer. You may have been exercising a little too much. Therefore, this is a good day to avoid exercise and get some rest. Don't push yourself too hard! This isn't a good day to plan or start a vacation. Wait a few days, as trips planned at this time could be fraught with glitches.
This is my honest to goodness horoscope for today. I wonder if somewhere in the universe someone is telling me to slow down. I have not weighed myself for fear of the number. I have been good and avoiding the candy but I find myself wanting to cheat. I know I will be sick for days but I really want that damn butterfinger that is staring at me. It's as if it is saying... "Eat me Kim! You know I am worth the little pain you will feel later! You know you want me more than the Snickers. Oh... and since there is no $100,000 bar around, eat me!!" Instead I grab my water with crystal light and pretend it is the same.
I did go to CVS and buy some more crack to help me out. (For those new to reading this: Crack = Ice Breakers sugar free gum!) I haven't been able to find the big container and the other night I had to go into CVS to buy some damn pull ups. It's like when I was dragging my fat ass to the register, all of a sudden there it was. It was kinda like someone was pointing a flashlight down on the container. I must have looked like a crazy lady. I think I almost kissed the container before I set it down on the counter. The lady at the register asked me if I was ok and I said... "I am now that I found some crack!" After seeing the concerned look on her face I thought it might be a good idea to explain that to me sugar free gum is my crack. It got me through my diet shake days so maybe it will get me through my "woe is me" days.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
October 31, 2010
HaPpY hAlLoWeEn!!!
Would you believe I made another trip to HEB with my friend SV?
I think our families made us want to "escape" for a little while.
Well while I was there I saw some shrimp spring rolls.
I LOVE SPRING ROLLS.
So tonight for dinner I made a crock-pot lasagna. I knew that I would not be able to eat it because me and pasta are NOT getting along.
So for my dinner I ate one of my spring rolls.
Actually I ate one when I came home from the store for my lunch.
Then the one at dinner.
Then I was feeling a little hungry while everyone was having more lasagna and some candy, so I ate my last one.
For the first time in DAYS I didn't feel the urge to purge.
I felt good.
I ate them slowly and took mouse bites.
OMG!!! They were soooo good I might have to go back to HEB to get some more.
Does anyone out there know how to make spring rolls??
On a side note:
I am sorry for being discouraged in my last post. Some days are just so damn hard it is unbearable. I know that I can do this and if I feel like I can't then I know I can call on my friends to pull me up from my slump.
I would love to thank all my friends for their encouragement and support. It is very hard to express how I feel about my wonderful friends...
I can say this, it make me very emotional when I think of all of you. You are the reason I keep going and trying so damn hard. It is because of you that I am able to drag my fat ass off the couch and into the Y. I will be there again in the morning!
Thank you for all you do!
Would you believe I made another trip to HEB with my friend SV?
I think our families made us want to "escape" for a little while.
Well while I was there I saw some shrimp spring rolls.
I LOVE SPRING ROLLS.
So tonight for dinner I made a crock-pot lasagna. I knew that I would not be able to eat it because me and pasta are NOT getting along.
So for my dinner I ate one of my spring rolls.
Actually I ate one when I came home from the store for my lunch.
Then the one at dinner.
Then I was feeling a little hungry while everyone was having more lasagna and some candy, so I ate my last one.
For the first time in DAYS I didn't feel the urge to purge.
I felt good.
I ate them slowly and took mouse bites.
OMG!!! They were soooo good I might have to go back to HEB to get some more.
Does anyone out there know how to make spring rolls??
On a side note:
I am sorry for being discouraged in my last post. Some days are just so damn hard it is unbearable. I know that I can do this and if I feel like I can't then I know I can call on my friends to pull me up from my slump.
I would love to thank all my friends for their encouragement and support. It is very hard to express how I feel about my wonderful friends...
I can say this, it make me very emotional when I think of all of you. You are the reason I keep going and trying so damn hard. It is because of you that I am able to drag my fat ass off the couch and into the Y. I will be there again in the morning!
Thank you for all you do!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
October 30, 2010
Ok, I am depressed again.
I am stuck at 267 and not moving!
I exercised 3 days last week and watch what I eat ALL THE TIME.
I kept hearing that my jeans were too baggy so I grabbed an 18 at Costco.
Now, these DO NOT FIT AT ALL!!
I figured since my last pair were 20s then these would fit and they don't.
Maybe it is because they are a different brand... not sure.
All I know is that I wanted to loose 100 pounds BEFORE Christmas and it really doesn't look like that is going to happen.
I just don't understand what I am doing wrong.
I am trying to avoid going out to eat but yet I have plans to go Wed for my friends birthday.
What the hell am I going to order???
I really need some guidance.
Maybe I should give up water aerobics and go to the spinning class across the hall. Those people SWEAT it out!!
HELP!!! I feel like I am failing............
I am stuck at 267 and not moving!
I exercised 3 days last week and watch what I eat ALL THE TIME.
I kept hearing that my jeans were too baggy so I grabbed an 18 at Costco.
Now, these DO NOT FIT AT ALL!!
I figured since my last pair were 20s then these would fit and they don't.
Maybe it is because they are a different brand... not sure.
All I know is that I wanted to loose 100 pounds BEFORE Christmas and it really doesn't look like that is going to happen.
I just don't understand what I am doing wrong.
I am trying to avoid going out to eat but yet I have plans to go Wed for my friends birthday.
What the hell am I going to order???
I really need some guidance.
Maybe I should give up water aerobics and go to the spinning class across the hall. Those people SWEAT it out!!
HELP!!! I feel like I am failing............
Thursday, October 28, 2010
October 28, 2010
Ok so I have decided to go to water aerobics this week. I have been taking off my ankle support and getting in the pool with the "mature crowd". This is how my week of exercise has gone...
- MONDAY ~ Didn't go to water aerobics because I ate a Baby Ruth like an idiot. Yeah, welcome back dumping syndrome. I can now say that I am officially OVER candy bars!! They are just not worth it!
- TUESDAY ~ Get to class right at 8:30 (when it starts) and the instructor looks really nice. In fact she looks familiar but I can't place where I know her. (Still can't figure it out!) All through the hour, she asks me if I can feel it in my arms, legs, etc... Like somehow I am now the spokesperson for the pool. I say yes and she makes us do more stuff but it is somewhat enjoyable. When the class is over, I go to sit in the hot tub because I love those things. A LARGE older lady joins me. She tells me that she likes my swimsuit and wishes that she was my size. I was floored because I see myself as I see her. She then proceeds to tell me that she is not sure if she is still married because her husband left her 2 years ago to be with someone new. NOTE TO SELF: When stranger tells you something like this it might be best to not say anything... INSTEAD I say... "Yeah, I would guess that you are probably "legally" married since there hasn't been any papers served, but I probably wouldn't hold onto the hope that he would come back." She seemed upset by my answer and I told her I was sorry if I had offended her. I also told her that I thought she told me that because she wanted my opinion. She told me that everyone else had said He would come back why did I think differently. I simply said that she stated it had been 2 years. At the end of my 15 minute hot tub therapy session she hugged me, thanked me and said she hoped I was back tomorrow. (Holy Shit I am good. I should have charged her a fee! haha)
- WEDNESDAY ~ This probably should have been the day that I skipped. Why You Ask?? Well for those that REALLY know me, know that I went to the Y a few years back. A personal trainer, we'll call her Mizz Youreafatcowandihatecowssomoveyourass, made me get on an Eliptical machine. I asked Mizz ....... if anyone had ever died on the eliptical to which she abrubtly replied "NO! You are just LAZY and not used to the machine! WHy do you ask?" My reply? 'You are about to have your first casualty!' Shortly after that I stopped going to the Y. So imagine my surprise when I find out that today's instructor is Mizz Youreafatcowandihatecowssomoveyourass!! I wish I would have seen her before I got into the pool. I probably would have skipped! I will say that she gave a good workout. She had a microphone on and had music playing so I would imagine if I was part of the "mature crowd" I would have had a hard time hearing her. She would spout things out like this: This is not arthritis splash so move your hiney! You need to move the water, I can't do it for you. If you want to loose it then you better move it. Move! Move! Move! You need to work on your balance! Yeah you can say that she was the "motivational speaker" for the day. I was honestly afraid to eat anything for the rest of the day.
- THURSDAY ~ Ok, I thought Mean Lady was tough, today's lady was BRUTAL!! She wasn't brutal in the way she spoke, she was brutal in the way she made us work. Today was the fatest work out I have ever done. I know I was in there for an hour like all the other days but today it felt like 20-30 minutes because we were working it. I was so tired after that class I drove home and changed my clothes at home, instead of there. I have wanted to take a nap all day. My arms are hurting and so are my calves.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 24, 2010
Ok so this morning I decided to venture onto the scale that is demonic.
Well the scale gods were smiling upon me because it said 268!
HOLY SHIT!!!!
I thought I would be in the 70s forever. I am starting to say my weight like that now. At first I just wanted to clear the 3's. Then it was the 90s, 80s, and now the 70s. My next goal is to clear the 60s, 50s, etc.. until one day MAYBE it can be in the 1's???
WOW!!! Can you believe that?? One day I might actually be able to type that my weight is 1_ _?? I can honestly say that if that day comes I am going to ask Dr. B if I can hug him! (Note to self.. if this day comes wear body spray from pure romance catalog that has pheremones in it! haha If I type that weight SS, order me some and put a rush on it!)
I do have a confession to make.
Last week when I was working the book fair I kept trying to "order out" my lunch. Let's just say that my ordering did NOT agree with me. One day I came home tired and actually a little hungry. Instead of grabbing an apple or bottled water I grabbed......
A BABY RUTH!!
And if that isn't bad enough....
A little bag of Lay's barbeque chips NOT BAKED ONES EITHER!!!
Oh I knew it was a mistake but I was sitting there thinking "OMG! This candy bar and chips are so much better than sex! Look at what I have been missing!!"
Then... it hit... the thing referred to as.... Dumping.
I have never felt dumping before and I knew it was a possibility it could happen and I still was stupid enough to eat them anyways.
Well I won't disturb you with the details but I will say this... Dumping is my friend.
It is like I have Jillian Michaels standing over saying... "Really? You really want to eat this shit?? HAHA Eat up idiot because I am about to show you!!"
Oh, goodness... not a pleasant evening...
I can tell you now that I have realized everyday will be another day that I have to struggle to make good decisions on what I choose to eat.
This is my struggle... welcome to the front row...........
Well the scale gods were smiling upon me because it said 268!
HOLY SHIT!!!!
I thought I would be in the 70s forever. I am starting to say my weight like that now. At first I just wanted to clear the 3's. Then it was the 90s, 80s, and now the 70s. My next goal is to clear the 60s, 50s, etc.. until one day MAYBE it can be in the 1's???
WOW!!! Can you believe that?? One day I might actually be able to type that my weight is 1_ _?? I can honestly say that if that day comes I am going to ask Dr. B if I can hug him! (Note to self.. if this day comes wear body spray from pure romance catalog that has pheremones in it! haha If I type that weight SS, order me some and put a rush on it!)
I do have a confession to make.
Last week when I was working the book fair I kept trying to "order out" my lunch. Let's just say that my ordering did NOT agree with me. One day I came home tired and actually a little hungry. Instead of grabbing an apple or bottled water I grabbed......
A BABY RUTH!!
And if that isn't bad enough....
A little bag of Lay's barbeque chips NOT BAKED ONES EITHER!!!
Oh I knew it was a mistake but I was sitting there thinking "OMG! This candy bar and chips are so much better than sex! Look at what I have been missing!!"
Then... it hit... the thing referred to as.... Dumping.
I have never felt dumping before and I knew it was a possibility it could happen and I still was stupid enough to eat them anyways.
Well I won't disturb you with the details but I will say this... Dumping is my friend.
It is like I have Jillian Michaels standing over saying... "Really? You really want to eat this shit?? HAHA Eat up idiot because I am about to show you!!"
Oh, goodness... not a pleasant evening...
I can tell you now that I have realized everyday will be another day that I have to struggle to make good decisions on what I choose to eat.
This is my struggle... welcome to the front row...........
Thursday, October 21, 2010
October 21, 2010
So tonight I am driving to my weight loss support group wondering if I should be going. Well I guess I was so deep in thought or tired because I ended up parking by my dr's office instead of the hospital entrance. As I was walking in the building I thought... "You are such a dumbass!".
Then I finally make my way to the 2nd floor and tonight there is a "protein taste test" night. Well would you believe I found 2 that I actually liked?? One had 35grams of protein and my favorite had 10. I think I will be making a trip to the Vitamin Shoppe soon to buy the one that had 10. Yeah, I will have to drink 6 a day but that is totally do-able.. well maybe. At least I found one that doesn't make me want to throw up as soon as I open it. I am making progress.
While sitting in the class I realized that the lady I was sitting next to was 5'2" and weighed 137. What I didn't know is that this woman weighed 345 pounds last year!
As she was talking she started crying because she still sees herself as the 345 pound woman. When she was finished talking I told her that she was an inspiration to me and I gave her a hug.
WOW! From 345 pounds to 137 pounds!!!!!!
I will be thinking about this lady everytime I get frustrated with no results. I know that the weight wasn't put on overnight and it won't come off overnight but I still get frustrated.
As I was walking to the other buiding I saw none other than Dr. B. He had just finished a seminar. He asked me how I was feeling. I told him good and he said that I looked good.
Then he asked why I was walking out that door and I told him that I was tired and ended up parking by his office instead of the hospital. I looked at him straight in the eyes (yum!) and said "Have a nice night!". Do you know what his reply was????? "Oh, well I will walk out with you if you don't mind!"
MIND??? ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? How can I mind this at all??? (I was thinking.. No I don't mind. In fact I wouldn't mind if we just kind of went out on a date right now either!)
I think I finally was able to get out... "Uh, no... why would I mind?"
We had a nice friendly chat on the way to his nice ass car.
I know I joke about wanting to date him but he really is "Hot" in his own way......
I think I find him attractive because he is so damn nice!
All in all... it turned out to be a smart move on my part to park over there. ;)
Then I finally make my way to the 2nd floor and tonight there is a "protein taste test" night. Well would you believe I found 2 that I actually liked?? One had 35grams of protein and my favorite had 10. I think I will be making a trip to the Vitamin Shoppe soon to buy the one that had 10. Yeah, I will have to drink 6 a day but that is totally do-able.. well maybe. At least I found one that doesn't make me want to throw up as soon as I open it. I am making progress.
While sitting in the class I realized that the lady I was sitting next to was 5'2" and weighed 137. What I didn't know is that this woman weighed 345 pounds last year!
As she was talking she started crying because she still sees herself as the 345 pound woman. When she was finished talking I told her that she was an inspiration to me and I gave her a hug.
WOW! From 345 pounds to 137 pounds!!!!!!
I will be thinking about this lady everytime I get frustrated with no results. I know that the weight wasn't put on overnight and it won't come off overnight but I still get frustrated.
As I was walking to the other buiding I saw none other than Dr. B. He had just finished a seminar. He asked me how I was feeling. I told him good and he said that I looked good.
Then he asked why I was walking out that door and I told him that I was tired and ended up parking by his office instead of the hospital. I looked at him straight in the eyes (yum!) and said "Have a nice night!". Do you know what his reply was????? "Oh, well I will walk out with you if you don't mind!"
MIND??? ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? How can I mind this at all??? (I was thinking.. No I don't mind. In fact I wouldn't mind if we just kind of went out on a date right now either!)
I think I finally was able to get out... "Uh, no... why would I mind?"
We had a nice friendly chat on the way to his nice ass car.
I know I joke about wanting to date him but he really is "Hot" in his own way......
I think I find him attractive because he is so damn nice!
All in all... it turned out to be a smart move on my part to park over there. ;)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
October 19, 2010
Ok so my friend told me that my "new" jeans are baggy in the butt!
I don't know how many people would react the way I did. I think I hugged my friend and there was almost a kiss too! :)
I love my friends.
My friends are the ones that keep me going.
Sure, my spouse likes the results... (Honey.. is the door locked?? is a phrase I hear ALL THE TIME NOW!!)
However, it is my friends that keep me going for sure.
There is not a day that goes by when one of my friends says something encouraging to me. I know there is a difference in my size simply because of my "magic jeans" but I don't see it. So on those days when I am discouraged and having a "woah is me day" it is my friends that pull me up.
I haven't seen a dramatic change in weight but I really think it is there. Today a friend of mine told me that she thinks my scale is broke.
It is friends like these that keep me going.
So in honor of the Oprah show I just watched with Debbie Boone I would like to say to my friends.....
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE!!!
Thank you for being my friend.
I value our friendship.
I can honestly say I love you.
I feel very blessed to have you as my friend.
I don't know how many people would react the way I did. I think I hugged my friend and there was almost a kiss too! :)
I love my friends.
My friends are the ones that keep me going.
Sure, my spouse likes the results... (Honey.. is the door locked?? is a phrase I hear ALL THE TIME NOW!!)
However, it is my friends that keep me going for sure.
There is not a day that goes by when one of my friends says something encouraging to me. I know there is a difference in my size simply because of my "magic jeans" but I don't see it. So on those days when I am discouraged and having a "woah is me day" it is my friends that pull me up.
I haven't seen a dramatic change in weight but I really think it is there. Today a friend of mine told me that she thinks my scale is broke.
It is friends like these that keep me going.
So in honor of the Oprah show I just watched with Debbie Boone I would like to say to my friends.....
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE!!!
Thank you for being my friend.
I value our friendship.
I can honestly say I love you.
I feel very blessed to have you as my friend.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
October 13, 2010
Weight.. 276!
Sanity.. Barely there!
Self esteem.. Getting better!
Fantasies about Dr.. Getting more graphic... (Oh la la)
So today I was volunteering at the school and I had someone tell me that I was "The incredible shrinking woman". So now you know the real reason I volunteer so much over there! haha
Seriously though I have had several people tell me that lately. I have to admit that I LOVE it but I am also a little wierded out by it. You see I still see myself as the fat self. I mean I know that I am smaller because my sizes are DRAMATICALLY different. However, I don't see the difference. I wish I did but I don't. I look in the mirror and I still see a fat slob. Strange? I don't know if it is strange because a few times when I was REALLY FAT I thought I looked "hot". A few pictures later showed a different story. I am wondering if maybe I have body mesmorphic disorder.
OR
Maybe I have been fat for so long that it is just going to take me a while to adjust.
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE I am not sure if I will be able to have lunch with my kindergartner anymore. Today I was sitting there with him at the parent/child lunch table. You see I used to be able to sit in the uncomfortable kid chair to eat lunch. However, some idiot parent brought food up to their child and "shared" it with some other children and one of those children had some sort of allergy. So... because there are idiot parents out there, when I have lunch with my children we have to sit at a designated table on the stage.
SO
Here I was minding my own business eating lunch with my son when my mouth dropped open. A woman (psycho) was SPOON FEEDING her Kindergartener. Immediately I was wierded out.
THen the kid (who obviously didn't want to be there with his mom) starting spitting at and kicking the girl next to him. Both moms just sat there like it was normal behavior.
(I guess it is a good thing that I wasn't at that end of the table!)
Then the kid being fed closed his mouth in refusal of the mac & cheese. I thought by the reaction of the mom that she was going to fling him across the cafeteria. She was screaming and yelling at him, in between spoon feeding her 2 year old.
At what point do you say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH??
Another mom at the table noticed how discusted I was and told me that the mom in question is there EVERYDAY!!
Now when will I be able to go back and have lunch with my son???
I honestly don't know if I will be able to now.
I strangely feel like a bad mom because I am at the school a lot but I don't always eat lunch with my children while I'm there.
Oh good grief.........
Sanity.. Barely there!
Self esteem.. Getting better!
Fantasies about Dr.. Getting more graphic... (Oh la la)
So today I was volunteering at the school and I had someone tell me that I was "The incredible shrinking woman". So now you know the real reason I volunteer so much over there! haha
Seriously though I have had several people tell me that lately. I have to admit that I LOVE it but I am also a little wierded out by it. You see I still see myself as the fat self. I mean I know that I am smaller because my sizes are DRAMATICALLY different. However, I don't see the difference. I wish I did but I don't. I look in the mirror and I still see a fat slob. Strange? I don't know if it is strange because a few times when I was REALLY FAT I thought I looked "hot". A few pictures later showed a different story. I am wondering if maybe I have body mesmorphic disorder.
OR
Maybe I have been fat for so long that it is just going to take me a while to adjust.
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE I am not sure if I will be able to have lunch with my kindergartner anymore. Today I was sitting there with him at the parent/child lunch table. You see I used to be able to sit in the uncomfortable kid chair to eat lunch. However, some idiot parent brought food up to their child and "shared" it with some other children and one of those children had some sort of allergy. So... because there are idiot parents out there, when I have lunch with my children we have to sit at a designated table on the stage.
SO
Here I was minding my own business eating lunch with my son when my mouth dropped open. A woman (psycho) was SPOON FEEDING her Kindergartener. Immediately I was wierded out.
THen the kid (who obviously didn't want to be there with his mom) starting spitting at and kicking the girl next to him. Both moms just sat there like it was normal behavior.
(I guess it is a good thing that I wasn't at that end of the table!)
Then the kid being fed closed his mouth in refusal of the mac & cheese. I thought by the reaction of the mom that she was going to fling him across the cafeteria. She was screaming and yelling at him, in between spoon feeding her 2 year old.
At what point do you say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH??
Another mom at the table noticed how discusted I was and told me that the mom in question is there EVERYDAY!!
Now when will I be able to go back and have lunch with my son???
I honestly don't know if I will be able to now.
I strangely feel like a bad mom because I am at the school a lot but I don't always eat lunch with my children while I'm there.
Oh good grief.........
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
October 5, 2010
Ok, I know this probably sounds like an oxymoron but if you are one of my skinny friends... STOP READING because you will have no idea what I am talking about later on in my story.
(I say oxymoron because most fat people don't have skinny friends. I actually have LOTS of skinny friends.. SHOCKING I KNOW but true!)
Ok so today I went to the mall after getting x rays done to see if I broke my ankle. Yes, I know I shouldn't be walking around the mall with a possible broken ankle but the splint (glorified sewn up ace bandage) they put on my foot actually makes my foot feel much better.
Besides, have you ever looked in the mirror and said "Shit! This bra makes my boobs look terrible!" Well today was one of those days. Actually I looked pretty bad today but decided to head to the mall anyways.
You see I have maintained the same weight for weeks now (really starting to piss me off) but I feel like I might be loosing inches because that is what my friend said. haha
So the pants that I am able to wear are looking BAD. They aren't falling off because of my "triplet hangover" aka butt in the front but they are LOOSE. So I decided that with this nice Fall weather that has me sneezing every 5 minutes, that I should get a pair of jeans.
This time last year my jeans were a size 30/32 (NO that does not mean 30 waist and 32 inseam for my skinny friends!)I mean the size was a 30/32 which is just over 26/28, 22/24, 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, etc..
So I walk into Macy and grab a 24. Immediately I think.. "This is not going to fit. They never fit. I am just setting myself up for dissapointment. I probably need a 26 which is not sold here."
Well I go into the dressing room and the jeans just don't feel right so I go and grab a 22. Again... not quite right so I grab a 20. Now imagine you are me for a second...
The last pair of jeans you wore were a 30/32 and you now have a pair of size 20 in your hands.
What would you think??? Me?? I thought about each step one by one.
Step 1.. get one leg in. CHECK
Step 2.. get the other leg in. CHECK
Step 3.. the "Pull up" to the waist. CHECK
Step 4.. the tricky part.. tucking in the butt in the front. CHECK
Step 5.. button the jeans while standing. CHECK
Step 6.. zip jeans, while standing. CHECK
Step 7.. breathe.... and stand in shock....... CHECK CHECK CHECK
A size 20P (petite for short)jeans fit, buttoned and zipped up and I could still breathe!
Do they look perfect? NO because I still have my butt in the front and it is very apparent in these jeans.
Do I care? No, not really because they freakin fit! Sometimes you just have to say WTF!
So after my size 20 jean and a few 1x tops purchase I walked over to the bra area.
The lady gave me a "once over" and asked half heartedly if she could help me. I said I was there to purchase a new bra and guess what she said??
Did she say.. What is your size dear? NO
Did she say.. What is your preferred brand? NO
Instead she said.. "We don't have your size but you can try Dillards!"
So I looked at her with my own "once over" and said "We'll see about that!"
So I walk over to the Wacoal section and pick out a size that should work out.
Saleslady walks over to me as I make my way to the fitting room and says... "Um, m'am those bras are $58."
My reply??
"Oh, then I guess they lowered their prices!"
As I walk into the fitting room I notice a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while. (Shout out KF)
I go into my own room after a nice chat and prepare for battle.
I fully expected the straps to fling off my arms and the fasteners in the back to start shooting around the room like bullets.
Instead, I hooked the bra with little to no problem. I got the boobs in the right place. And I did it all with no complications or flying shrapnel.
As I walked confidently to the cashier the lady said "Oh? That fit?"
I replied back "Why yes it did and nobody was hurt in the process!"
All in all I think this was a successful day even if the damn scale isn't cooperating.
(I say oxymoron because most fat people don't have skinny friends. I actually have LOTS of skinny friends.. SHOCKING I KNOW but true!)
Ok so today I went to the mall after getting x rays done to see if I broke my ankle. Yes, I know I shouldn't be walking around the mall with a possible broken ankle but the splint (glorified sewn up ace bandage) they put on my foot actually makes my foot feel much better.
Besides, have you ever looked in the mirror and said "Shit! This bra makes my boobs look terrible!" Well today was one of those days. Actually I looked pretty bad today but decided to head to the mall anyways.
You see I have maintained the same weight for weeks now (really starting to piss me off) but I feel like I might be loosing inches because that is what my friend said. haha
So the pants that I am able to wear are looking BAD. They aren't falling off because of my "triplet hangover" aka butt in the front but they are LOOSE. So I decided that with this nice Fall weather that has me sneezing every 5 minutes, that I should get a pair of jeans.
This time last year my jeans were a size 30/32 (NO that does not mean 30 waist and 32 inseam for my skinny friends!)I mean the size was a 30/32 which is just over 26/28, 22/24, 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, etc..
So I walk into Macy and grab a 24. Immediately I think.. "This is not going to fit. They never fit. I am just setting myself up for dissapointment. I probably need a 26 which is not sold here."
Well I go into the dressing room and the jeans just don't feel right so I go and grab a 22. Again... not quite right so I grab a 20. Now imagine you are me for a second...
The last pair of jeans you wore were a 30/32 and you now have a pair of size 20 in your hands.
What would you think??? Me?? I thought about each step one by one.
Step 1.. get one leg in. CHECK
Step 2.. get the other leg in. CHECK
Step 3.. the "Pull up" to the waist. CHECK
Step 4.. the tricky part.. tucking in the butt in the front. CHECK
Step 5.. button the jeans while standing. CHECK
Step 6.. zip jeans, while standing. CHECK
Step 7.. breathe.... and stand in shock....... CHECK CHECK CHECK
A size 20P (petite for short)jeans fit, buttoned and zipped up and I could still breathe!
Do they look perfect? NO because I still have my butt in the front and it is very apparent in these jeans.
Do I care? No, not really because they freakin fit! Sometimes you just have to say WTF!
So after my size 20 jean and a few 1x tops purchase I walked over to the bra area.
The lady gave me a "once over" and asked half heartedly if she could help me. I said I was there to purchase a new bra and guess what she said??
Did she say.. What is your size dear? NO
Did she say.. What is your preferred brand? NO
Instead she said.. "We don't have your size but you can try Dillards!"
So I looked at her with my own "once over" and said "We'll see about that!"
So I walk over to the Wacoal section and pick out a size that should work out.
Saleslady walks over to me as I make my way to the fitting room and says... "Um, m'am those bras are $58."
My reply??
"Oh, then I guess they lowered their prices!"
As I walk into the fitting room I notice a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while. (Shout out KF)
I go into my own room after a nice chat and prepare for battle.
I fully expected the straps to fling off my arms and the fasteners in the back to start shooting around the room like bullets.
Instead, I hooked the bra with little to no problem. I got the boobs in the right place. And I did it all with no complications or flying shrapnel.
As I walked confidently to the cashier the lady said "Oh? That fit?"
I replied back "Why yes it did and nobody was hurt in the process!"
All in all I think this was a successful day even if the damn scale isn't cooperating.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
October 2, 2010
Ok so I haven't wrote here in a while.
The last time I was 281 and this morning I was 278!!
Yes I know the weight is not flying off like I wanted it too but at least it is coming off.
For those wondering about my poo, it is slow going at best. One day I did go without the aide of a laxative or enima but other than that I know that there is a lot left.
Ok... off of that subject. I still feel tired and I think it is because my children drive me crazy when they get home. I mean if whining were an olympic sport I have 5 gold medalists sitting here right now! I know I shouldn't complain but SHIT!
Now I have to say something that has been bothering me for a while so excuse the following run-on soap boxes...
The other day I was in a new store and I saw a friend of my brother's. He was there with his new wife and her 2 girls. The last time I saw him he was the best man at my brother's wedding a year ago and he was there with his wife, who I really liked. As I walked past.. I thought could this really be M? I have known this kid for most his life so I figured it was ok to say "Hey man what's up?"
I wanted to say "Hey man what the fuck is your problem to leave such a wonderful woman and end up with this lady that is looking me up and down like I am going to steal you?"
Instead I just said Hi. We exchanged pleasantries and "fake" smiles from the new wife.
As I walked away I was left wondering... what the hell goes through a man's head to make him leave his wife for someone else? I just don't get it. Then I realized that I jokingly say things like "Dr. B didn't ask me out on a date but we had a bonding moment!" and those things can be mistakenly taken the wrong way.
So for the record let me state the following... I AM JOKING! Would Dr. B ever ask me out on a date? HIGHLY UNLIKELY! Would I go if he did? Probably. Hey I never said I wasn't honest right?
I mean the chances of him asking me out are about as good as Bree from Desperate Housewives coming to my house to help me clean it. It is a fabrication of my demented imagination. Therefore, it is easy to say I would accept.
For those wondering about my mental state and the state of my well being in general let me assure you I am fine. I am married to a man who loves me. His ability to provide for us allows me the opportunity to stay home. I have 5 healthy children that seem to really love me.
Yes I know how lucky I am. However, I am at a point in my life when I also realize how lucky he is. I am a good wife, not perfect. I am a good mom, not perfect. I love my children and would do anything in the world for them. I am a good friend, not perfect. I stay loyal and would do anything my friends asked me to do. I am a good sister, not perfect. I complain that my sister doesn't call me enough but yet phones go both ways. I adore my brother and his wife but I don't call them either. I am a good daughter, not perfect.
At the end of the day I consider myself a good person who dislikes all forms of bigotry and supports a person's right to carry.
The last time I was 281 and this morning I was 278!!
Yes I know the weight is not flying off like I wanted it too but at least it is coming off.
For those wondering about my poo, it is slow going at best. One day I did go without the aide of a laxative or enima but other than that I know that there is a lot left.
Ok... off of that subject. I still feel tired and I think it is because my children drive me crazy when they get home. I mean if whining were an olympic sport I have 5 gold medalists sitting here right now! I know I shouldn't complain but SHIT!
Now I have to say something that has been bothering me for a while so excuse the following run-on soap boxes...
The other day I was in a new store and I saw a friend of my brother's. He was there with his new wife and her 2 girls. The last time I saw him he was the best man at my brother's wedding a year ago and he was there with his wife, who I really liked. As I walked past.. I thought could this really be M? I have known this kid for most his life so I figured it was ok to say "Hey man what's up?"
I wanted to say "Hey man what the fuck is your problem to leave such a wonderful woman and end up with this lady that is looking me up and down like I am going to steal you?"
Instead I just said Hi. We exchanged pleasantries and "fake" smiles from the new wife.
As I walked away I was left wondering... what the hell goes through a man's head to make him leave his wife for someone else? I just don't get it. Then I realized that I jokingly say things like "Dr. B didn't ask me out on a date but we had a bonding moment!" and those things can be mistakenly taken the wrong way.
So for the record let me state the following... I AM JOKING! Would Dr. B ever ask me out on a date? HIGHLY UNLIKELY! Would I go if he did? Probably. Hey I never said I wasn't honest right?
I mean the chances of him asking me out are about as good as Bree from Desperate Housewives coming to my house to help me clean it. It is a fabrication of my demented imagination. Therefore, it is easy to say I would accept.
For those wondering about my mental state and the state of my well being in general let me assure you I am fine. I am married to a man who loves me. His ability to provide for us allows me the opportunity to stay home. I have 5 healthy children that seem to really love me.
Yes I know how lucky I am. However, I am at a point in my life when I also realize how lucky he is. I am a good wife, not perfect. I am a good mom, not perfect. I love my children and would do anything in the world for them. I am a good friend, not perfect. I stay loyal and would do anything my friends asked me to do. I am a good sister, not perfect. I complain that my sister doesn't call me enough but yet phones go both ways. I adore my brother and his wife but I don't call them either. I am a good daughter, not perfect.
At the end of the day I consider myself a good person who dislikes all forms of bigotry and supports a person's right to carry.
Friday, September 24, 2010
September 24, 2010
Ok, this morning I am suffering with allergies! UUGGGHHHH!!
I can not stop sneezing.
Well I suppose I am writing in here today because you are all wondering if I confronted the front office lady at the Dr visit. You might know her as.. Mrs. NexttimeIseeyouIamgoingtopunchyouintheface. Did I punch her? No! Did I want to? Yes! Did she talk all sweetandniceandothercraplikethat? You bet she did. Did I acknowledge her? NO! She said Hi and I turned my head. I know it sounds all "high school like" but she seriously pissed me off and I am not ready to talk to her yet.
So yesterday was my appointment. I was in the class with my WONDERFUL dietician. Then the psychiatrist/psychologist/something like that came in. Then it was my time with Dr. B. Before I went in there Mrs. NexttimeIseeyouIamgoingtopunchyouintheface handed me my appt card for my 6 month check up. Yup, you probably already guessed it.. it is for 8 months NOT 6. When I asked her about this she informed me that the 6 month class is "full". Yeah I call bullshit too!
I won't go into full detail what I said or what he said but I can tell you somethings. My appt was suppose to be 15 minutes long and it was 1 hour 30 minutes long. He asked for the truth about my past 2 1/2 weeks and I was full disclosure. I even told him that his receptionist made me an appointment for 8 months instead of 6. I'm thinking that I will see him in 6....
I can also tell you that he is MAD at that doctor that put me off over and over. In fact at one point his wife called and hung up on him when he told her for the third time that he had a patient in his office. Of course, it probably didn't help much that I was cracking up laughing while he was on the phone. I know it is childish but I couldn't help it. Dr. B.'s face is so damn animated when he is annoyed. (My friend LK can vouch for that one!) All in all, I left the office with a better vibe about my choice of doctors. No, I didn't end up getting asked out on a date but I definetly think we had a bonding moment.
I can not stop sneezing.
Well I suppose I am writing in here today because you are all wondering if I confronted the front office lady at the Dr visit. You might know her as.. Mrs. NexttimeIseeyouIamgoingtopunchyouintheface. Did I punch her? No! Did I want to? Yes! Did she talk all sweetandniceandothercraplikethat? You bet she did. Did I acknowledge her? NO! She said Hi and I turned my head. I know it sounds all "high school like" but she seriously pissed me off and I am not ready to talk to her yet.
So yesterday was my appointment. I was in the class with my WONDERFUL dietician. Then the psychiatrist/psychologist/something like that came in. Then it was my time with Dr. B. Before I went in there Mrs. NexttimeIseeyouIamgoingtopunchyouintheface handed me my appt card for my 6 month check up. Yup, you probably already guessed it.. it is for 8 months NOT 6. When I asked her about this she informed me that the 6 month class is "full". Yeah I call bullshit too!
I won't go into full detail what I said or what he said but I can tell you somethings. My appt was suppose to be 15 minutes long and it was 1 hour 30 minutes long. He asked for the truth about my past 2 1/2 weeks and I was full disclosure. I even told him that his receptionist made me an appointment for 8 months instead of 6. I'm thinking that I will see him in 6....
I can also tell you that he is MAD at that doctor that put me off over and over. In fact at one point his wife called and hung up on him when he told her for the third time that he had a patient in his office. Of course, it probably didn't help much that I was cracking up laughing while he was on the phone. I know it is childish but I couldn't help it. Dr. B.'s face is so damn animated when he is annoyed. (My friend LK can vouch for that one!) All in all, I left the office with a better vibe about my choice of doctors. No, I didn't end up getting asked out on a date but I definetly think we had a bonding moment.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
September 23, 2010
Ok so the scale today is 281!
Clearly I am not dropping pounds like I would like.
Or perhaps it is the culmination of not pooping AND the monthly "gift" that is helping me tip the scales?
However, I am eating and drinking a bunch!
Yesterday alone I drank 2 vitamin water zeros and a bottled water with a package of pomegranite lemonaide crystal light. I am not so sure about crystal light but it was a nice change of pace. Overall I didn't eat that much. Probably because I am full from liquids. I just feel a huge overwhelming sense to drink constantly. I am always thirsty. So for now, I drink more than I eat.
Last night for dinner I had 3 small bites of grilled steak and 3 forkfuls of spaghetti squash. YUM! I love that stuff!!
The past few weeks took their toll on me.
I don't feel like my brain has caught up yet.
I want to exercise but I am not sure I am ready.
I know that the weight will "melt" off quicker if I could exercise.
Now I am paying for a gym membership and I am not using it.
I will say that I have decided to mark some things off my bucket list.
I recently bought a book with no pictures, small print and 562 pages.
It is an Oprah book club selection called FREEDOM.
For me, I don't know what the book is about I just wanted to buy it for the title.
FREEDOM
Do I now feel freedom because all my kids are in school?
Do I now feel freedom because I am free to eat and drink again?
Do I now feel freedom because I will soon be free of fat?
Do I now feel freedom because I feel better about myself?
Do I now feel freedom because I am now free to make better choices in my life, rather than settleing for the same 'ole same 'ole?
Do I now feel freedom because I have decided to rid myself of all the bullshit that comes with having this surgery?
I am not sure which one seems more important but the last one is probably the closest.
I am free to rid myself of all the bullshit.
Let me point it out for anyone still "on the fence" about my decision...
It's done. There is nothing you can say or do that will change it.
NO I didn't take the easy way out. No matter what you think, this was a hard decision and a total lifestyle change for me. I watch everything I eat. I struggle to make good choices. I struggle because I don't want to be that fat again. I know I will never be skinny but I also know that FOR ME this was the best decision. (Now please stop saying I took the easy way out before I end up punching you in the face!)
Yes, I would without question do this surgery again.
With any surgery you should expect complications because they can happen.
Have I had my fair share of complications recently?
You bet I have.
Would I change my mind about the surgery if I could?
Absolutely 100% NO!
This surgery is my lifeline to the real world.
I did not take the easy way out so stop saying it.
This was MY decision because it is MY body.
Today is my follow up appt with my dietician, physchiatrist and Dr. B.
I was prepared to file a formal complaint against the front office and nurse.
Now I realize something more important.
I am in control of my body, nobody else is.
I should have stood up for myself and demanded quick action when I was having a problem. Instead I relied on the instinct that somehow someone was listening to me.
Now today I have to come to grips with the fact that this was my fault.
As a mother, if this was happening to any of my children I would have taken them to the ER the 2nd day. Why then, as mothers do we put off our own health? How are we suppose to take care of our children when we can't take care of ourselves?
Today is a new day.
Today is my Freedom from 2nd place.
Clearly I am not dropping pounds like I would like.
Or perhaps it is the culmination of not pooping AND the monthly "gift" that is helping me tip the scales?
However, I am eating and drinking a bunch!
Yesterday alone I drank 2 vitamin water zeros and a bottled water with a package of pomegranite lemonaide crystal light. I am not so sure about crystal light but it was a nice change of pace. Overall I didn't eat that much. Probably because I am full from liquids. I just feel a huge overwhelming sense to drink constantly. I am always thirsty. So for now, I drink more than I eat.
Last night for dinner I had 3 small bites of grilled steak and 3 forkfuls of spaghetti squash. YUM! I love that stuff!!
The past few weeks took their toll on me.
I don't feel like my brain has caught up yet.
I want to exercise but I am not sure I am ready.
I know that the weight will "melt" off quicker if I could exercise.
Now I am paying for a gym membership and I am not using it.
I will say that I have decided to mark some things off my bucket list.
I recently bought a book with no pictures, small print and 562 pages.
It is an Oprah book club selection called FREEDOM.
For me, I don't know what the book is about I just wanted to buy it for the title.
FREEDOM
Do I now feel freedom because all my kids are in school?
Do I now feel freedom because I am free to eat and drink again?
Do I now feel freedom because I will soon be free of fat?
Do I now feel freedom because I feel better about myself?
Do I now feel freedom because I am now free to make better choices in my life, rather than settleing for the same 'ole same 'ole?
Do I now feel freedom because I have decided to rid myself of all the bullshit that comes with having this surgery?
I am not sure which one seems more important but the last one is probably the closest.
I am free to rid myself of all the bullshit.
Let me point it out for anyone still "on the fence" about my decision...
It's done. There is nothing you can say or do that will change it.
NO I didn't take the easy way out. No matter what you think, this was a hard decision and a total lifestyle change for me. I watch everything I eat. I struggle to make good choices. I struggle because I don't want to be that fat again. I know I will never be skinny but I also know that FOR ME this was the best decision. (Now please stop saying I took the easy way out before I end up punching you in the face!)
Yes, I would without question do this surgery again.
With any surgery you should expect complications because they can happen.
Have I had my fair share of complications recently?
You bet I have.
Would I change my mind about the surgery if I could?
Absolutely 100% NO!
This surgery is my lifeline to the real world.
I did not take the easy way out so stop saying it.
This was MY decision because it is MY body.
Today is my follow up appt with my dietician, physchiatrist and Dr. B.
I was prepared to file a formal complaint against the front office and nurse.
Now I realize something more important.
I am in control of my body, nobody else is.
I should have stood up for myself and demanded quick action when I was having a problem. Instead I relied on the instinct that somehow someone was listening to me.
Now today I have to come to grips with the fact that this was my fault.
As a mother, if this was happening to any of my children I would have taken them to the ER the 2nd day. Why then, as mothers do we put off our own health? How are we suppose to take care of our children when we can't take care of ourselves?
Today is a new day.
Today is my Freedom from 2nd place.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
September 18 & 19, 2010
September 18, 2010
Scale.. 287!
That's right folks, my body is now starting to gain weight! Great.
I called H's soccer coach and explained the situation and how H probably wouldn't be able to go to her game. He replied back with.. "Why don't you just bring her over now, let her spend the night with us and then when you get home you can pick her up?"
I wonder how I got so blessed to have a soccer coach that understands when you need something and just opens up and offers it. What a great family! THANK YOU JT!
SO we drive to Dallas. I was actually going to drive but G said I looked "bad" so he drove and I told him which exit to take. When I was finally "taken to the back" I told my family "See you soon!". The nurse informed me that I only needed to remove my tops and shoes. She gave me some cute booties and a gown. Then she came over to do my iv. I explained to her all the previous sticks from a month ago and even showed her the 3 remaining bruises. She got it the FIRST time. I have to say, I have NEVER had a nurse get it on the first try! Thank you JESUS!!
Then the iv started to flow and the nurse ran to me, literally! I asked her what was wrong and she said "The color is different in your face!" I was like... crap what color is it? Then she informed me that my color was good and that I must have really needed that iv. I explained everything to her and she said.. "God bless you child. I think you arrived to the hospital just in time." Pretty soon after that I was rolled back to the area that they were going to do the EGD. The anesthesiologist already knew my story some how and told me that he was so sorry. I told him that it wasn't his fault and I was ready to get on with my life. THe dr then came in and said "Hey, you must be Kim! Don't worry, we're going to fix your problem right up. Sorry this has taken so long!" I then told him that it wasn't his fault either. THe anesthesiologist then told me that they were going to add the bite block in my mouth and then I was going to fall asleep. He did tell me that the medicine makes people "Chatty Cathy's" so try to resist the urge to talk. Then he looked down at me and said "I have a feeling this will be the hardest part for you. haha" and he gave me a wink and a smile.
I woke up in recovery feeling 100% better. I was offered and drank a 5 oz can of grape juice. I was ready to run to the bathroom but it didn't happen. I asked for another one and was drinking it as they were wheeling me to the van.
We drove to get Hannah and then home. I undressed into my jammies and went to bed at 11:30 and didnt wake up until 5. When I woke up I immediately got dressed again and started making dinner. I ate 1/4 of a hamburger then I went to the movies with some friends. At the movies, I bought a water and never even thought about milk duds and popcorn. I no longer wanted them or an icee! I sat in the movies very happy with my $4 water bottle. When I got home, I ate another 1/4 of hamburger and went to bed.
September 19, 2010
Woke up at 10!
WOW! I feel great and HUNGRY!!
I decide to step on the scale...
282!!!!!!!!
I can't believe it and I don't know how it happened but I am super excited!
G started making egg salad because this morning that is what I felt like eating.
I have now clipped my coupons and am ready to go to the store.
What a difference!!!
Scale.. 287!
That's right folks, my body is now starting to gain weight! Great.
I called H's soccer coach and explained the situation and how H probably wouldn't be able to go to her game. He replied back with.. "Why don't you just bring her over now, let her spend the night with us and then when you get home you can pick her up?"
I wonder how I got so blessed to have a soccer coach that understands when you need something and just opens up and offers it. What a great family! THANK YOU JT!
SO we drive to Dallas. I was actually going to drive but G said I looked "bad" so he drove and I told him which exit to take. When I was finally "taken to the back" I told my family "See you soon!". The nurse informed me that I only needed to remove my tops and shoes. She gave me some cute booties and a gown. Then she came over to do my iv. I explained to her all the previous sticks from a month ago and even showed her the 3 remaining bruises. She got it the FIRST time. I have to say, I have NEVER had a nurse get it on the first try! Thank you JESUS!!
Then the iv started to flow and the nurse ran to me, literally! I asked her what was wrong and she said "The color is different in your face!" I was like... crap what color is it? Then she informed me that my color was good and that I must have really needed that iv. I explained everything to her and she said.. "God bless you child. I think you arrived to the hospital just in time." Pretty soon after that I was rolled back to the area that they were going to do the EGD. The anesthesiologist already knew my story some how and told me that he was so sorry. I told him that it wasn't his fault and I was ready to get on with my life. THe dr then came in and said "Hey, you must be Kim! Don't worry, we're going to fix your problem right up. Sorry this has taken so long!" I then told him that it wasn't his fault either. THe anesthesiologist then told me that they were going to add the bite block in my mouth and then I was going to fall asleep. He did tell me that the medicine makes people "Chatty Cathy's" so try to resist the urge to talk. Then he looked down at me and said "I have a feeling this will be the hardest part for you. haha" and he gave me a wink and a smile.
I woke up in recovery feeling 100% better. I was offered and drank a 5 oz can of grape juice. I was ready to run to the bathroom but it didn't happen. I asked for another one and was drinking it as they were wheeling me to the van.
We drove to get Hannah and then home. I undressed into my jammies and went to bed at 11:30 and didnt wake up until 5. When I woke up I immediately got dressed again and started making dinner. I ate 1/4 of a hamburger then I went to the movies with some friends. At the movies, I bought a water and never even thought about milk duds and popcorn. I no longer wanted them or an icee! I sat in the movies very happy with my $4 water bottle. When I got home, I ate another 1/4 of hamburger and went to bed.
September 19, 2010
Woke up at 10!
WOW! I feel great and HUNGRY!!
I decide to step on the scale...
282!!!!!!!!
I can't believe it and I don't know how it happened but I am super excited!
G started making egg salad because this morning that is what I felt like eating.
I have now clipped my coupons and am ready to go to the store.
What a difference!!!
Friday, September 17, 2010
September 17, 2010
Today has been by far my WORST day.
I wasn't able to hold my cranberry slush down and I wasn't able to hold down my vitamin water zero either. In fact my body is starting to gain weight because it is in "starvation mode".
At 3 the nurse from Dr. B's office called and told me that she had been trying to find a doctor all day to do my EGD sooner than Wed. Frustrated by the entire group of events, Dr. B called another doctor in DALLAS.
This evening at 5 their office called me and told me that I need to be in Dallas at 8 in the morning. Yes, folks there is a dr out there that will be fixing me, or at the very least, figuring out what's wrong with me on a SATURDAY.
I honestly felt like crying because I pictured myself in the hospital before Wed. I also heard that Dr. B is super pissed at his front office and the entire office of the other dr., including the dr.
We'll see what happens now!
Now I will ask for prayers that this test tomorrow will solve all my problems.
Thank you my friends for pushing this issue... you know who you are... SV and LK!
I wasn't able to hold my cranberry slush down and I wasn't able to hold down my vitamin water zero either. In fact my body is starting to gain weight because it is in "starvation mode".
At 3 the nurse from Dr. B's office called and told me that she had been trying to find a doctor all day to do my EGD sooner than Wed. Frustrated by the entire group of events, Dr. B called another doctor in DALLAS.
This evening at 5 their office called me and told me that I need to be in Dallas at 8 in the morning. Yes, folks there is a dr out there that will be fixing me, or at the very least, figuring out what's wrong with me on a SATURDAY.
I honestly felt like crying because I pictured myself in the hospital before Wed. I also heard that Dr. B is super pissed at his front office and the entire office of the other dr., including the dr.
We'll see what happens now!
Now I will ask for prayers that this test tomorrow will solve all my problems.
Thank you my friends for pushing this issue... you know who you are... SV and LK!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
September 16, 2010
Ok, I have some developments...
#1 Exactly one month ago today I had my surgery. Despite my ongoing issues, I would not have changed a thing. I am able to wear pants that feel loose, my Tiffany bracelet is NO LONGER tight on my arm and the size 10 ring that G bought me for Mother's Day almost fell off my finger. These may seem like small changes but for me they are changing my world.
#2 Yes I really did take all 5 of my children to the Consoltation appt yesterday. The good thing is that we only suffered 3/5 meltdowns so I consider that pretty good. The Dr. asked me if they were all mine (as if I would rent children to take to a dr appt?). He asked me if it was a bad time of day to bring them to which I replied.. "That is why I asked for the 1:45 appt!" (Hello... Paging Dr. Dumbass!!)
So he tells me that he believes I have a stricture and that it is a pretty easy fix. He will do the EGD and if it is a stricture then he will open it up and voila! So he then says that I will need someone to drive me (Now you know why LK calls me Daisy!, the procedure should last 15-20 minutes and then I will be in recovery for about an hour. I had a choice of 11:00 with a 9:30 arrival time or 9:00 with a 7:30 arrival time. I chose 11. He then writes me a prescription (ummm... paging Dr. Dumbass... can BARELY keep water down... what makes your prescription so special?)
and tells me that my EGD will be done NEXT WEDNESDAY!!! Seriously? Great! Another week of "hanging on by a thread". THANKS!!!
#3 SO I decide that I am going to go to a "surgical weight loss support group" tonight. I figured that it would be nice to hear other stories and struggles. When I walked in the room I noticed my dietician. I used to refer to her as skinnybitch because she took away my coffee, wine and soda. I would like to apologize right now and say that my dietician is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever met. I unloaded my story on her, privately! I explained the symptoms, issues, everything! I even told her about my new find (a hard lump under the bruise left over from my blood thinner shots). Immediately she started texting on her phone saying that the treatment I had been given was completely unprofessional and out of line. She also said that there is no way Dr. B would have let this go on for so long. She then said that I will probably be receiving a phone call tomorrow. She genuinely acted disgusted. I honestly thought I was going to cry. For weeks my family and friends have been extremely worried about me and wondering how I am even functioning. To be honest, I have been wondering the same. I now know that the reason I haven't lost any more weight is because my body is in "starvation mode". Trust me when I say this is NOT a mode you want your body in. I now feel like I am going to get some answers and perhaps a quick resolution to my problems.
#4 I had a positive experience today... I ate 3 TINY bites of chicken pasta salad from Costco and I kept them down!! I was able to keep down the medium cranberry slush and 20 oz xxx vitamin water zero. So my liquid intake increased and so did my food.
Keep praying for resolve so I can get on with my life and become the hot housewife that I know is on the inside.
#1 Exactly one month ago today I had my surgery. Despite my ongoing issues, I would not have changed a thing. I am able to wear pants that feel loose, my Tiffany bracelet is NO LONGER tight on my arm and the size 10 ring that G bought me for Mother's Day almost fell off my finger. These may seem like small changes but for me they are changing my world.
#2 Yes I really did take all 5 of my children to the Consoltation appt yesterday. The good thing is that we only suffered 3/5 meltdowns so I consider that pretty good. The Dr. asked me if they were all mine (as if I would rent children to take to a dr appt?). He asked me if it was a bad time of day to bring them to which I replied.. "That is why I asked for the 1:45 appt!" (Hello... Paging Dr. Dumbass!!)
So he tells me that he believes I have a stricture and that it is a pretty easy fix. He will do the EGD and if it is a stricture then he will open it up and voila! So he then says that I will need someone to drive me (Now you know why LK calls me Daisy!, the procedure should last 15-20 minutes and then I will be in recovery for about an hour. I had a choice of 11:00 with a 9:30 arrival time or 9:00 with a 7:30 arrival time. I chose 11. He then writes me a prescription (ummm... paging Dr. Dumbass... can BARELY keep water down... what makes your prescription so special?)
and tells me that my EGD will be done NEXT WEDNESDAY!!! Seriously? Great! Another week of "hanging on by a thread". THANKS!!!
#3 SO I decide that I am going to go to a "surgical weight loss support group" tonight. I figured that it would be nice to hear other stories and struggles. When I walked in the room I noticed my dietician. I used to refer to her as skinnybitch because she took away my coffee, wine and soda. I would like to apologize right now and say that my dietician is one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever met. I unloaded my story on her, privately! I explained the symptoms, issues, everything! I even told her about my new find (a hard lump under the bruise left over from my blood thinner shots). Immediately she started texting on her phone saying that the treatment I had been given was completely unprofessional and out of line. She also said that there is no way Dr. B would have let this go on for so long. She then said that I will probably be receiving a phone call tomorrow. She genuinely acted disgusted. I honestly thought I was going to cry. For weeks my family and friends have been extremely worried about me and wondering how I am even functioning. To be honest, I have been wondering the same. I now know that the reason I haven't lost any more weight is because my body is in "starvation mode". Trust me when I say this is NOT a mode you want your body in. I now feel like I am going to get some answers and perhaps a quick resolution to my problems.
#4 I had a positive experience today... I ate 3 TINY bites of chicken pasta salad from Costco and I kept them down!! I was able to keep down the medium cranberry slush and 20 oz xxx vitamin water zero. So my liquid intake increased and so did my food.
Keep praying for resolve so I can get on with my life and become the hot housewife that I know is on the inside.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
September 15, 2010
Ok, so it has been 5 dsys since I last wrote in my diary here.
Would you like to know why it has been so long??
Well I am going to tell you anyways. I have been so fuzzed up I can't type. By fuzzed, I don't mean drunk I mean PISSED!
You see it has been almost 3 weeks since I first threw up blood. My prescription was changed and I was ordered to rest.
I followed all those directions, with the one exception of going down the red slide ONE time before the pool closed for the season.
So then Monday rolls around and I tell them that I am still throwing up blood and they have the balls to ask me if I ate anything red! Are you fucking kidding me??? Do I look stupid? (Don't answer that!) But Seriously people? DO I look stupid? Am I stupid? I don't think so. I was never honor society but I can tell you that I know the difference!
So they said they would call back... which they did 2 days later! They told me that I needed to get an EGD done and they were going to put a "Rush" on the order. I stayed home last Wed,Thurs and Fri. waiting for the phone call. You got it... NOTHING and now I can't keep down my supplements, new prescription and BARELY water. It is a good thing I am obsessed with Vitamin Water Zero because that is the only form of nutrition I am getting.
I can't even hold down a tall decaf skinny vanilla latte! (So so sorry Starbucks... I will be back to you soon!!)
So on Monday MORNING at 8:15 I decide to call AGAIN! The front office lady, lets call her Mrs. NexttimeIseeuIamgoingtopunchuintheface said she would "check" into it and call me back.
Yup, you guessed it.. I called her and she proceeds to tell me that I have an appt on Wed. I asked her what time? who made the appt? do I need a ride? etc...
Would you like to know what Mrs. NexttimeIseeuIamgoingtopunchuintheface said to me????
Yeah.. I don't know either because her head must have been stuck up her ass!! She said she would give this new doctor a call and ask them to call me, which they did ON MY CELLPHONE!! Hello?? Did I not mention that I had been waiting at MY HOUSE for 4 days waiting on them to call??? UUUGGGGHHHH!!!
So, Mrs. Perky Yourgettingpunchedtoo calls me and says that I have an appt at 3:45 on Wed of this week. I told her, there is no way I can go to an appt at 3:45. I explained that I had 5 children in school and I would prefer a time when they were in school. So she comes back with a 1:45 appt. I said FINE. I figured I could speed over to the school to get the kids. So I asked if I needed a ride to the office and she said
"No, this visit is just a C O N S O L T A T I O N!!!
To say I nearly lost it would be an understatement.
Well yesterday while fuming that now I can't even hold down my cranberry slush from Sonic Mrs. Perky Yourgettingpunchedtoo calls me ON MY CELL PHONE and says.. "I'm sorry Dr. ? has AN EMERGENCY and can't see you until 3:45... Will that be a problem??"
AN EMERGENCY??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE EMERGENCY!!! No, I didn't say that but I felt like it!
So I once again explained the 5 KIDS IN SCHOOL THING and she just didn't get it. So I told her I would take the appt.
Now guess what Momma Kim is doing today??
You guessed it... I am taking my 5 kids with me.
That's right!
If they want to play this fucking game with me... THEN LET'S PLAY!!!!!
Would you like to know why it has been so long??
Well I am going to tell you anyways. I have been so fuzzed up I can't type. By fuzzed, I don't mean drunk I mean PISSED!
You see it has been almost 3 weeks since I first threw up blood. My prescription was changed and I was ordered to rest.
I followed all those directions, with the one exception of going down the red slide ONE time before the pool closed for the season.
So then Monday rolls around and I tell them that I am still throwing up blood and they have the balls to ask me if I ate anything red! Are you fucking kidding me??? Do I look stupid? (Don't answer that!) But Seriously people? DO I look stupid? Am I stupid? I don't think so. I was never honor society but I can tell you that I know the difference!
So they said they would call back... which they did 2 days later! They told me that I needed to get an EGD done and they were going to put a "Rush" on the order. I stayed home last Wed,Thurs and Fri. waiting for the phone call. You got it... NOTHING and now I can't keep down my supplements, new prescription and BARELY water. It is a good thing I am obsessed with Vitamin Water Zero because that is the only form of nutrition I am getting.
I can't even hold down a tall decaf skinny vanilla latte! (So so sorry Starbucks... I will be back to you soon!!)
So on Monday MORNING at 8:15 I decide to call AGAIN! The front office lady, lets call her Mrs. NexttimeIseeuIamgoingtopunchuintheface said she would "check" into it and call me back.
Yup, you guessed it.. I called her and she proceeds to tell me that I have an appt on Wed. I asked her what time? who made the appt? do I need a ride? etc...
Would you like to know what Mrs. NexttimeIseeuIamgoingtopunchuintheface said to me????
Yeah.. I don't know either because her head must have been stuck up her ass!! She said she would give this new doctor a call and ask them to call me, which they did ON MY CELLPHONE!! Hello?? Did I not mention that I had been waiting at MY HOUSE for 4 days waiting on them to call??? UUUGGGGHHHH!!!
So, Mrs. Perky Yourgettingpunchedtoo calls me and says that I have an appt at 3:45 on Wed of this week. I told her, there is no way I can go to an appt at 3:45. I explained that I had 5 children in school and I would prefer a time when they were in school. So she comes back with a 1:45 appt. I said FINE. I figured I could speed over to the school to get the kids. So I asked if I needed a ride to the office and she said
"No, this visit is just a C O N S O L T A T I O N!!!
To say I nearly lost it would be an understatement.
Well yesterday while fuming that now I can't even hold down my cranberry slush from Sonic Mrs. Perky Yourgettingpunchedtoo calls me ON MY CELL PHONE and says.. "I'm sorry Dr. ? has AN EMERGENCY and can't see you until 3:45... Will that be a problem??"
AN EMERGENCY??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE EMERGENCY!!! No, I didn't say that but I felt like it!
So I once again explained the 5 KIDS IN SCHOOL THING and she just didn't get it. So I told her I would take the appt.
Now guess what Momma Kim is doing today??
You guessed it... I am taking my 5 kids with me.
That's right!
If they want to play this fucking game with me... THEN LET'S PLAY!!!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
September 10, 2010
Scale says 285!
Ok, so last night I ate a slice of Little Caesars cheese pizza. I know that wasn't the best dinner choice but since I couldn't keep anything down for 2 days I figured what the hell.
So for a while it stayed so long I was wondering if it was one of those "slider" foods I heard about. A slider food is something that justs slides on by your bypassed system. In other words, I could eat a bag of chips and microwave popcorn and would never feel full. Yes it can be dangerous which is why I was warned about slider foods. It is these slider foods that make people fat again. It is this reason alone (I NEVER WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!) that I avoid it all together.
At any rate, I ate the pizza and then decided to eat a sugar free popsicle. Ok,the popsicle put me over the edge and that plus the pizza made me closer with my cute dual flush toilet. So I called the Drs office and asked again when this thing was going to be scheduled. I was told... "We faxed the doctor the orders and marked them ASAP so they should be calling you soon."
Hello?
Perhaps when I call you 2 times a day for 3 days you would let me know the name of this particular dr so I could call them myself.
I guess ASAP doesn't mean anything to people anymore. I guess I get to call them back Monday to tell them that I still can't keep anything down.
I even got myself a cranberry slush from Sonic today and it took me 1 1/2 hours to drink a medium while I was driving around picking up children from schools. When I walked in the door I was so excited that I was able to keep a drink down. Well I must have psyched myself out because 1/2 of that slush ended up in the toilet.
Tonight I have avoided dinner all together. Earlier I ate 2~100 calorie pack cheese things from Kraft. (That mozzarella with garlic and herb.... YUMMY!!)
So here I am feeling the cheese in my throat area and wondering if it will stay down. I am taking tiny sips of my water so it will stay down. Of course keeping tiny sips down is easy because my mouth is so damn dry that it absorbs the water up like a sponge.
Letter to Mysterious Doctor:
SCHEDULE THE FREAKIN' EGD ALREADY SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE TO PICK UP MY CHILDREN AND FIND SOMEONE TO DRIVE ME!! I really hope deep down that I gag on your stupid scope and it causes you anxiety and nervousness to make up for the shit that I have been through waiting on your stupid call!!!
Ok, so last night I ate a slice of Little Caesars cheese pizza. I know that wasn't the best dinner choice but since I couldn't keep anything down for 2 days I figured what the hell.
So for a while it stayed so long I was wondering if it was one of those "slider" foods I heard about. A slider food is something that justs slides on by your bypassed system. In other words, I could eat a bag of chips and microwave popcorn and would never feel full. Yes it can be dangerous which is why I was warned about slider foods. It is these slider foods that make people fat again. It is this reason alone (I NEVER WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!) that I avoid it all together.
At any rate, I ate the pizza and then decided to eat a sugar free popsicle. Ok,the popsicle put me over the edge and that plus the pizza made me closer with my cute dual flush toilet. So I called the Drs office and asked again when this thing was going to be scheduled. I was told... "We faxed the doctor the orders and marked them ASAP so they should be calling you soon."
Hello?
Perhaps when I call you 2 times a day for 3 days you would let me know the name of this particular dr so I could call them myself.
I guess ASAP doesn't mean anything to people anymore. I guess I get to call them back Monday to tell them that I still can't keep anything down.
I even got myself a cranberry slush from Sonic today and it took me 1 1/2 hours to drink a medium while I was driving around picking up children from schools. When I walked in the door I was so excited that I was able to keep a drink down. Well I must have psyched myself out because 1/2 of that slush ended up in the toilet.
Tonight I have avoided dinner all together. Earlier I ate 2~100 calorie pack cheese things from Kraft. (That mozzarella with garlic and herb.... YUMMY!!)
So here I am feeling the cheese in my throat area and wondering if it will stay down. I am taking tiny sips of my water so it will stay down. Of course keeping tiny sips down is easy because my mouth is so damn dry that it absorbs the water up like a sponge.
Letter to Mysterious Doctor:
SCHEDULE THE FREAKIN' EGD ALREADY SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE TO PICK UP MY CHILDREN AND FIND SOMEONE TO DRIVE ME!! I really hope deep down that I gag on your stupid scope and it causes you anxiety and nervousness to make up for the shit that I have been through waiting on your stupid call!!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
September 9, 2010
Ok, this morning the scale said....
286!!!
I guess there is an upside to this throwing everything up stuff. Hey at least the scale is moving down...
So today I was sitting around waiting for the dr to call and schedule my EGG. Well I called them and the test is an EGD.
Well I googled EGD and this does not sound fun.
First they give you an iv. Seriously? Do you know how many times I was stuck in the hospital because they couldn't get an iv started? 6! SHIT I hate IVs.
Then since you have an iv, you can't drive home.
Great! Now I have to find someone to take me to the dr AND I have to find someone to pick up my kids.
I am so glad that I am scheduled for something that requires so much.....
Now, they haven't scheduled it yet so do I sit around and wait or do I go to Target and hope they don't call while I'm gone??
286!!!
I guess there is an upside to this throwing everything up stuff. Hey at least the scale is moving down...
So today I was sitting around waiting for the dr to call and schedule my EGG. Well I called them and the test is an EGD.
Well I googled EGD and this does not sound fun.
First they give you an iv. Seriously? Do you know how many times I was stuck in the hospital because they couldn't get an iv started? 6! SHIT I hate IVs.
Then since you have an iv, you can't drive home.
Great! Now I have to find someone to take me to the dr AND I have to find someone to pick up my kids.
I am so glad that I am scheduled for something that requires so much.....
Now, they haven't scheduled it yet so do I sit around and wait or do I go to Target and hope they don't call while I'm gone??
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
September 8, 2010
This morning I weighed and it said 291.
Then as I was making lunches I RAN as fast as I could to the bathroom, where I have stayed for most of the day!
I weighed myself after my little bathroom run this morning and the scale said 287.
Is this even possible?? I have to say my stomach felt a whole lot better.
I am beginning to understand what the nurse in the hospital said.. "During the next several weeks, you will not be the bell of the ball." Yeah, no shit! If I am not burping, farting, barfing or shitting I am pretty much sleeping!
So yesterday it was a nectarine that I ate and proceeded to get sick off of everything else I ate.
Today it was edamamme.
I really thought it would be ok but boy was I wrong.
I think I might be eating too much for my system to handle.
Today I have kept NOTHING down.
Seriously, I can't even keep water down today.
I did call the Dr. and he is ordering an EEG.
Someone is suppose to be calling me to get that scheduled.
I asked what an EEG was and they said that it is a scope that they will put down my throat to see whats going on. (I wonder if the scope will stay down??)
Why can't I recover from this and get on with life???
Then as I was making lunches I RAN as fast as I could to the bathroom, where I have stayed for most of the day!
I weighed myself after my little bathroom run this morning and the scale said 287.
Is this even possible?? I have to say my stomach felt a whole lot better.
I am beginning to understand what the nurse in the hospital said.. "During the next several weeks, you will not be the bell of the ball." Yeah, no shit! If I am not burping, farting, barfing or shitting I am pretty much sleeping!
So yesterday it was a nectarine that I ate and proceeded to get sick off of everything else I ate.
Today it was edamamme.
I really thought it would be ok but boy was I wrong.
I think I might be eating too much for my system to handle.
Today I have kept NOTHING down.
Seriously, I can't even keep water down today.
I did call the Dr. and he is ordering an EEG.
Someone is suppose to be calling me to get that scheduled.
I asked what an EEG was and they said that it is a scope that they will put down my throat to see whats going on. (I wonder if the scope will stay down??)
Why can't I recover from this and get on with life???
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
September 7, 2010
Ok today I did a big snafu.
I ate a nectarine. I know I know I am not suppose to have raw fruit or vegetables... now I know why!
Let me tell you the story. All weekend I have SMELT the bacon that was cooked. Well today I could still smell the bacon and it was all I could do not to fry up a package. While standing in front of the fridge, I spotted the nectarines. I LOVE nectarines. They are by far my favorite fruit. So I noticed the nectarines and pulled one out. It was perfect. The perfect ripeness, the perfect color and the perfect smell. I thought that if I cut it up into tiny little pieces it would be ok. Let me tell you that I have felt that nectarine in my throat ALL DAY!! I tried to wash it down with water, that came up. I tried to coat it with a triscuit but that came back up. The same thing happened when I ate a sugar free popsicle.
Well finally after 8 hours the nectarine has worked itself up and out.
Whew! What a day! I wanted to do something besides sit around but it didn't work. Instead I was visiting the porcelean goddess all day.
Ok, so today I learned a valuable lesson. FOLLOW ALL DIRECTIONS even if they seem stupid. For the next 4 weeks I promise I will stick to canned fruit and vegetables.
I ate a nectarine. I know I know I am not suppose to have raw fruit or vegetables... now I know why!
Let me tell you the story. All weekend I have SMELT the bacon that was cooked. Well today I could still smell the bacon and it was all I could do not to fry up a package. While standing in front of the fridge, I spotted the nectarines. I LOVE nectarines. They are by far my favorite fruit. So I noticed the nectarines and pulled one out. It was perfect. The perfect ripeness, the perfect color and the perfect smell. I thought that if I cut it up into tiny little pieces it would be ok. Let me tell you that I have felt that nectarine in my throat ALL DAY!! I tried to wash it down with water, that came up. I tried to coat it with a triscuit but that came back up. The same thing happened when I ate a sugar free popsicle.
Well finally after 8 hours the nectarine has worked itself up and out.
Whew! What a day! I wanted to do something besides sit around but it didn't work. Instead I was visiting the porcelean goddess all day.
Ok, so today I learned a valuable lesson. FOLLOW ALL DIRECTIONS even if they seem stupid. For the next 4 weeks I promise I will stick to canned fruit and vegetables.
Monday, September 6, 2010
September 6, 2010
Ok, I am not bored anymore I am pissed off.
I have taken it easy all weekend.
I have watched what I ate all weekend.
My family made my cookies and did I eat any... NO!
My family made BACON and pancakes for breakfast.... you guessed it... I didn't eat any!
I have stuck with healthy options and have eaten something different at every meal except for the scrambled eggs.
So now I ask... If I am being good and barely eating (mice bites as G says) then why the FUCK did the scale say 290?
How on earth can I go up 2 pounds????
WTH????
SERIOUSLY!!!
SO pissed off!!!
I have taken it easy all weekend.
I have watched what I ate all weekend.
My family made my cookies and did I eat any... NO!
My family made BACON and pancakes for breakfast.... you guessed it... I didn't eat any!
I have stuck with healthy options and have eaten something different at every meal except for the scrambled eggs.
So now I ask... If I am being good and barely eating (mice bites as G says) then why the FUCK did the scale say 290?
How on earth can I go up 2 pounds????
WTH????
SERIOUSLY!!!
SO pissed off!!!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
September 4, 2010
Ok say it with me people.... I am B O R E D !!!!
I have decided to run down a few good things/bad things as I sit here.
The good thing is G took everyone to an early morning soccer practice and Home Depot day.
The bad thing is G is calling me every 5 minutes. :)
The good thing is that my throat hurts BAD so I have to limit my talking!
The bad thing is (see above).
The good thing is I have my new laptop on the bed so I can work on my TMOM newsletter.
The bad thing is that I still don't have 2 of the MOST important pieces to said newsletter.
The good thing is I have a $25 groupon coupon for King Korn popcorn and my family is going to get some today.
The bad thing is that I can't eat it! (sniff sniff)
The good thing is my house is VERY quiet.
The bad thing is I am used to noise and I can't find the remote to the bedroom tv.
The good thing is I got G to watch a movie with me last night.
The bad thing is he picked 2012 and I was in the mood for a chick flick. (pretty good movie though... not sure if it was good for my blood pressure)
The good thing is that I am going on a family vacation.
The bad thing is that it is in 134 more days!
The good thing is that my Dr. switched my prescription.
The bad thing is this one cost $168 and the last one was $2.45.
The good thing is that I am wearing LOOSE pjs that were so tight on me I couldn't take them on my girls trip in January.
The bad thing is that Irving jumped up on me this morning and put a small hole in the pants when his claw got stuck in them.
The good thing is that I can now see my feet when I am standing.
The bad thing is that I really need a pedicure.
The good thing is that I have the home phone right next to me.
The bad thing is that I can hear my cell phone ringing in the other room.
Oh... can you tell I am not used to sitting around??
I have decided to run down a few good things/bad things as I sit here.
The good thing is G took everyone to an early morning soccer practice and Home Depot day.
The bad thing is G is calling me every 5 minutes. :)
The good thing is that my throat hurts BAD so I have to limit my talking!
The bad thing is (see above).
The good thing is I have my new laptop on the bed so I can work on my TMOM newsletter.
The bad thing is that I still don't have 2 of the MOST important pieces to said newsletter.
The good thing is I have a $25 groupon coupon for King Korn popcorn and my family is going to get some today.
The bad thing is that I can't eat it! (sniff sniff)
The good thing is my house is VERY quiet.
The bad thing is I am used to noise and I can't find the remote to the bedroom tv.
The good thing is I got G to watch a movie with me last night.
The bad thing is he picked 2012 and I was in the mood for a chick flick. (pretty good movie though... not sure if it was good for my blood pressure)
The good thing is that I am going on a family vacation.
The bad thing is that it is in 134 more days!
The good thing is that my Dr. switched my prescription.
The bad thing is this one cost $168 and the last one was $2.45.
The good thing is that I am wearing LOOSE pjs that were so tight on me I couldn't take them on my girls trip in January.
The bad thing is that Irving jumped up on me this morning and put a small hole in the pants when his claw got stuck in them.
The good thing is that I can now see my feet when I am standing.
The bad thing is that I really need a pedicure.
The good thing is that I have the home phone right next to me.
The bad thing is that I can hear my cell phone ringing in the other room.
Oh... can you tell I am not used to sitting around??
Friday, September 3, 2010
September 3, 2010
Ok so I got good news and I got bad news...
The good news is that the scale said 288 this morning!!!!
The bad news is that since I decided to throw up blood last night a few things are now going on.
1st. One of my prescriptions will be changing.
2nd. My blood pressure was elevated.
3rd. My O2 stats are not where they should be.
So, here is the official diagnosis. My esphagus is "irritated" and I have been doing too much.
I am hereby ordered to rest because I can't stop doing stuff.
I must relax and limit my stress.
I am not allowed to drive (or operate heavy machinery).
I must be either on the bed or the couch.
So that is what is up today.
Seriously, why can't I catch a break?
I am used to doing a lot of things. That is how my life works. If I sit around all day I will drive myself stark raving nuts.
On the up side, I have been feeling really tired so maybe I can "catch up" on my sleep and my reading. (I have finally started looking at the gossip mags my FWMOM friends gave me. I didn't read them before because I wasn't up to it.)
If I throw up more blood then something else could possibly be going on.
So now I am going to go sit/lay on the couch and read my many magazines.
Let's all pray I keep everything down this weekend....
The good news is that the scale said 288 this morning!!!!
The bad news is that since I decided to throw up blood last night a few things are now going on.
1st. One of my prescriptions will be changing.
2nd. My blood pressure was elevated.
3rd. My O2 stats are not where they should be.
So, here is the official diagnosis. My esphagus is "irritated" and I have been doing too much.
I am hereby ordered to rest because I can't stop doing stuff.
I must relax and limit my stress.
I am not allowed to drive (or operate heavy machinery).
I must be either on the bed or the couch.
So that is what is up today.
Seriously, why can't I catch a break?
I am used to doing a lot of things. That is how my life works. If I sit around all day I will drive myself stark raving nuts.
On the up side, I have been feeling really tired so maybe I can "catch up" on my sleep and my reading. (I have finally started looking at the gossip mags my FWMOM friends gave me. I didn't read them before because I wasn't up to it.)
If I throw up more blood then something else could possibly be going on.
So now I am going to go sit/lay on the couch and read my many magazines.
Let's all pray I keep everything down this weekend....
Thursday, September 2, 2010
September 2, 2010 cont
Ok so tonight I bought the family pizza for dinner because I feel so tired.
I decided to eat some mini chicken & cilantro wontons I bought from Costco.
I am not sure if I felt like I was hungry because of the feeding frenzy with the pizza but I definetly ate too many. I ate 6 of them but I didn't have a drink this time.
I kinda felt like I was choking so I took a sip of apple juice (Fun Fact about Kim... I HATE apple juice!) because G's cup was right there. 2 seconds later I was running to the bathroom. I started coughing and gagging and then throwing up.
The problem... there was blood in it. It wasn't all blood but there was definetly some blood there. Now I wonder if I should call Dr. B in the morning?
I guess I should because it kinda freaked me out.
Good night everyone, futurehotmomma is worn out.
I decided to eat some mini chicken & cilantro wontons I bought from Costco.
I am not sure if I felt like I was hungry because of the feeding frenzy with the pizza but I definetly ate too many. I ate 6 of them but I didn't have a drink this time.
I kinda felt like I was choking so I took a sip of apple juice (Fun Fact about Kim... I HATE apple juice!) because G's cup was right there. 2 seconds later I was running to the bathroom. I started coughing and gagging and then throwing up.
The problem... there was blood in it. It wasn't all blood but there was definetly some blood there. Now I wonder if I should call Dr. B in the morning?
I guess I should because it kinda freaked me out.
Good night everyone, futurehotmomma is worn out.
September 2, 2010
Ok, have you ever woke up and thought... I want to stay in bed forever? That is how I felt because I didn't go to bed until about 1 this morning.
The reason... A "come to Jesus" talk with my spouse. My cliffs notes version goes like this.. "I know you were against the surgery but I've had it done so it is time to decide. You are either with me or against me. Make the decision now before I become a hotmomma!" After trying to explain his logic I no longer felt the urge to stab him in the middle of the night. I won't go into detail about what was said on either part but I can tell you this... I get it now. I completely understand and I am over it. This is now a part of both of our lives and we are going to work through it together. I guess this means I now have someone on my side that wasn't there before, which is what I have always wanted.
So today I went to sell the shirts at the school and I wanted to go to my new water aerobics class. However, they apparently don't do water aerobics in the INDOOR pool when it is thundering and lightning outside so I went back to the school to do copies. I ended up with a huge job that tired me out. I had to leave before it was finished and I hated doing that. I have NEVER quit a copy job before but today I got that "uughh" feeling and decided it was time to go home. I sat on the couch, took some medicine and fell asleep. No computer or tv, just the sound of Irving snoring in the kitchen.
I didn't weigh myself today because I wonder if that is a good thing. I think I will start to weigh twice a week or so. I am soooo ready for the scale to change to a lower number. Today I am depressed because I realized the other day that I weigh more now then I did the day before I delivered my triplets!! I am starting to feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. One day I am chipper and the next I am dogging myself. Maybe once I snap out of my "funk" I will be chipper all the time? I sure hope so because I am tired of these pitty parties for one...
The reason... A "come to Jesus" talk with my spouse. My cliffs notes version goes like this.. "I know you were against the surgery but I've had it done so it is time to decide. You are either with me or against me. Make the decision now before I become a hotmomma!" After trying to explain his logic I no longer felt the urge to stab him in the middle of the night. I won't go into detail about what was said on either part but I can tell you this... I get it now. I completely understand and I am over it. This is now a part of both of our lives and we are going to work through it together. I guess this means I now have someone on my side that wasn't there before, which is what I have always wanted.
So today I went to sell the shirts at the school and I wanted to go to my new water aerobics class. However, they apparently don't do water aerobics in the INDOOR pool when it is thundering and lightning outside so I went back to the school to do copies. I ended up with a huge job that tired me out. I had to leave before it was finished and I hated doing that. I have NEVER quit a copy job before but today I got that "uughh" feeling and decided it was time to go home. I sat on the couch, took some medicine and fell asleep. No computer or tv, just the sound of Irving snoring in the kitchen.
I didn't weigh myself today because I wonder if that is a good thing. I think I will start to weigh twice a week or so. I am soooo ready for the scale to change to a lower number. Today I am depressed because I realized the other day that I weigh more now then I did the day before I delivered my triplets!! I am starting to feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. One day I am chipper and the next I am dogging myself. Maybe once I snap out of my "funk" I will be chipper all the time? I sure hope so because I am tired of these pitty parties for one...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
September 1, 2010
This morning's scale report is brought to you by Kim's (not so fat) ass....
290!!
WOW!
Ok, so yesterday I went to my 2 week post op appt.
First, I get the joy of driving back to Dallas. I left the intermediate school at 8:15. My appt was for 9:45. With traffic and a little meltdown in the parking garage, I signed in at 9:40!
Ok, I'll back up to the meltdown..
If you know me then you know that I drive a big ass van! Seriously people I drive a 15 passenger van. Now, imagine you are at the drivers seat of said van and you have to park in an UNDERGROUND parking garage. Yeah, I bet you would be FREAKIN' out too. I drove down 2 flights to the valet and said... "TAKE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THIS ANY LONGER!!"
Then I go up and around and around again to find the correct elevator. As soon as I was about to just sit and cry a very nice senior citizen offered to help me. Ok, no handsome doctor this time but Ethel was very nice. Once I got into the drs office I had to get my legs sonogramed again. The lady, Candace, remembered me and said that she was so happy to see me again. When I was leaving I told her it was nice to meet her and she got a puzzled look on her face. I then proceeded to tell her that I would be visiting the Ft. Worth office from now on. She genuinely looked sad. I went back to the waiting room to wait on Dr. B. I was called in again and told to go to exam room 2. While walking over there, Candace asked if she could give me a hug. This time I looked puzzled. She told me that I was so friendly and so nice and she just loved me and was going to miss me. I told her "Bless your heart sweetie. I can come back here if you would like." I think I was in shock as I went to sit in the exam room. Apparently Dr. B saw all of this as he walked in the room. He looked at me and said.. "Do you have this effect on everyone you meet?" I said... Why? Do you feel like hugging me too? He said "I think I would be sad if you left to see another doctor." My reply... Well then good thing I like you! haha He then proceeded to tell me that NONE of his other patients have ever got that reaction before. I told him.. "Well I guess I am not only cute, but nice too!" haha(loud robust laughing from Dr. B)
After that he asked me how I was doing and I said "ok." He told me that didn't sound convincing and asked me if your friend was in here what would your reply have been? I said I would have told her "like SHIT!". He proceeded to ask me why and I told him that although I enjoyed the rectum lesson the last time, it was not helping my situation.
I did explain to him that I finally went poo and he asked me what it looked like. I was like WHAT? He told me that he knew I looked at it and he wanted to know what it looked like. So I said the following (try not to laugh)... When you look at a picture of the small intestine then you will know how it looked. He asked me if I was serious and I just gave him the look. Then he asked me what the consistency was. I told him that I honestly didn't know because I didn't touch it but it reminded me of cat poo. "Kim, do you have any cats?" No, I am a dog person but that is what it reminded me of. haha Can you guess what came next... if you guessed a lesson on the colon then you would be correct (and probably a little unstable for guessing that). I will try to explain it in Cliff Notes Version. Apparently your colon is T H I S long and I only pooped out 1/2 that amount. Once I poop out the other 1/2 I will feel much better. Then I coughed. He asked me how long I had been doing that and I told him since I left the hospital. He then proceeded to ask me if I ever cough anything up with it and I said yes, that is why I carry tissue. Next question? "What's it look like?" I said "I don't know, you would have to ask the tissue." haha
He then said that I probably have a case of bronchitis and he will call me in a prescription. He looked at my incisions and said that they looked great to which I replied.. Bragger. haha I then asked if I could remove my guaze and replace it with water proof band aids. So then he gave me that look and I told him that I joined a gym but I think it only works if you actually go. He said he wouldn't really recommend it but if I felt good enough to go ahead. He also reminded me to try to take in enough calories so I wouldn't be burning everything I was taking in. I then told him not to miss me too much until I saw him again. He took my hand to shake it and said... "I am so glad to see that you are getting your spunk back because you are like a breath of fresh air." Aaahhhhh how sweet. I leave his office feeling pretty good and I wait in the waiting room for the lab lady. I was sitting in there talking with a man who lost 180pounds and they were there for their pre op appt for his wife. The older lady across from me said that she was there for her 1 year check up and she had lost 150 pounds. This granny was sharp dressed! I said.. Good for you, what did your husband say? Was he for it? She looked at me and said "Nope he was against it. That's why I waited until he passed. I'm going to get a tatoo next month!" (YES folks it happened again with the Vitamin Water Zero.... out the mouth and nose as I snorted while laughing!) We were then told that the lab in the office ran out of blood tubes so we were going to have to walk to the Barnett Tower. (I immediately thought SHIT FIRE!! That is where I got lost last time!!!) My new granny friend and another lady suggested we just walk together so we did without any wrong turns. I made my way back to the Sammons tower when I was done and out to the parking garage where I made it out alive!
Now, I don't want to say I have a crush on my doctor but I can tell you this! Everytime I go there he makes me laugh. That's it... someone who can make me laugh... that is what does it for me. It's not money, looks, fast car or Italian Villas... it is a sense of humor and my doc has the best.
(In case you were wondering the other 1/2 of my colon came calling in the middle of Kroger. Thank GOD I had H with me. She held my purse and watched the cart for me as I ran with my legs practically tucked under. After that I ran through FasTaco's drive thru, went home, ate the meat out of one and 1/4 tacos and went to bed.)
So in case you are wondering.. yes I attempted exercise today. I went to the Y and did some water aerobics with the senior crowd. One lady looked at me and said... "I think I am in the wrong class, I thought this was Arthritis Splash." Oh, imagine my thoughts..........................................
Then this nice and VERY fit grey haired lady explained to me everything that was going on. I should have asked for her name because I can tell you that I couldn't keep up. When I was done all I wanted to do, after I sat in the whirlpool, was go home and take a nap. Instead I called my friend LK and stayed on the phone with her for about 1 1/2 hours.
I ran up to the school to see if I could help out and some of the PTA ladies said they were going to Mimis and did I feel like going. I jumped in BW car so fast I couldn't stand it. I ordered the crab cake appetizer. When I got it I thought, this I can do because there are 3 mini crab cakes here with a small salad. I skipped the salad because I can't have raw fruits and veggies. I sat there as long as everyone else and all I ate was 1/2 of ONE. I was stuffed and could not possibly eat anymore. This is really wierd and TOTALLY cool. Everyday I feel more and more better that this surgery was the best solution for me. I just can't wait to be FREE from excess fat. :)
Tomorrow I will be selling t-shirts at the school in the morning wearing my new spirit shirt that FITS!! My friend AG said that I should get the XL because the shirts run kinda big. I dont care if they run big. I am wearing a shirt with ONLY 1 X in the size.
If you knew how huge this feels then you would be jumping up and down and joining me for water aerobics in the am!
YEAH ME!!!
290!!
WOW!
Ok, so yesterday I went to my 2 week post op appt.
First, I get the joy of driving back to Dallas. I left the intermediate school at 8:15. My appt was for 9:45. With traffic and a little meltdown in the parking garage, I signed in at 9:40!
Ok, I'll back up to the meltdown..
If you know me then you know that I drive a big ass van! Seriously people I drive a 15 passenger van. Now, imagine you are at the drivers seat of said van and you have to park in an UNDERGROUND parking garage. Yeah, I bet you would be FREAKIN' out too. I drove down 2 flights to the valet and said... "TAKE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THIS ANY LONGER!!"
Then I go up and around and around again to find the correct elevator. As soon as I was about to just sit and cry a very nice senior citizen offered to help me. Ok, no handsome doctor this time but Ethel was very nice. Once I got into the drs office I had to get my legs sonogramed again. The lady, Candace, remembered me and said that she was so happy to see me again. When I was leaving I told her it was nice to meet her and she got a puzzled look on her face. I then proceeded to tell her that I would be visiting the Ft. Worth office from now on. She genuinely looked sad. I went back to the waiting room to wait on Dr. B. I was called in again and told to go to exam room 2. While walking over there, Candace asked if she could give me a hug. This time I looked puzzled. She told me that I was so friendly and so nice and she just loved me and was going to miss me. I told her "Bless your heart sweetie. I can come back here if you would like." I think I was in shock as I went to sit in the exam room. Apparently Dr. B saw all of this as he walked in the room. He looked at me and said.. "Do you have this effect on everyone you meet?" I said... Why? Do you feel like hugging me too? He said "I think I would be sad if you left to see another doctor." My reply... Well then good thing I like you! haha He then proceeded to tell me that NONE of his other patients have ever got that reaction before. I told him.. "Well I guess I am not only cute, but nice too!" haha(loud robust laughing from Dr. B)
After that he asked me how I was doing and I said "ok." He told me that didn't sound convincing and asked me if your friend was in here what would your reply have been? I said I would have told her "like SHIT!". He proceeded to ask me why and I told him that although I enjoyed the rectum lesson the last time, it was not helping my situation.
I did explain to him that I finally went poo and he asked me what it looked like. I was like WHAT? He told me that he knew I looked at it and he wanted to know what it looked like. So I said the following (try not to laugh)... When you look at a picture of the small intestine then you will know how it looked. He asked me if I was serious and I just gave him the look. Then he asked me what the consistency was. I told him that I honestly didn't know because I didn't touch it but it reminded me of cat poo. "Kim, do you have any cats?" No, I am a dog person but that is what it reminded me of. haha Can you guess what came next... if you guessed a lesson on the colon then you would be correct (and probably a little unstable for guessing that). I will try to explain it in Cliff Notes Version. Apparently your colon is T H I S long and I only pooped out 1/2 that amount. Once I poop out the other 1/2 I will feel much better. Then I coughed. He asked me how long I had been doing that and I told him since I left the hospital. He then proceeded to ask me if I ever cough anything up with it and I said yes, that is why I carry tissue. Next question? "What's it look like?" I said "I don't know, you would have to ask the tissue." haha
He then said that I probably have a case of bronchitis and he will call me in a prescription. He looked at my incisions and said that they looked great to which I replied.. Bragger. haha I then asked if I could remove my guaze and replace it with water proof band aids. So then he gave me that look and I told him that I joined a gym but I think it only works if you actually go. He said he wouldn't really recommend it but if I felt good enough to go ahead. He also reminded me to try to take in enough calories so I wouldn't be burning everything I was taking in. I then told him not to miss me too much until I saw him again. He took my hand to shake it and said... "I am so glad to see that you are getting your spunk back because you are like a breath of fresh air." Aaahhhhh how sweet. I leave his office feeling pretty good and I wait in the waiting room for the lab lady. I was sitting in there talking with a man who lost 180pounds and they were there for their pre op appt for his wife. The older lady across from me said that she was there for her 1 year check up and she had lost 150 pounds. This granny was sharp dressed! I said.. Good for you, what did your husband say? Was he for it? She looked at me and said "Nope he was against it. That's why I waited until he passed. I'm going to get a tatoo next month!" (YES folks it happened again with the Vitamin Water Zero.... out the mouth and nose as I snorted while laughing!) We were then told that the lab in the office ran out of blood tubes so we were going to have to walk to the Barnett Tower. (I immediately thought SHIT FIRE!! That is where I got lost last time!!!) My new granny friend and another lady suggested we just walk together so we did without any wrong turns. I made my way back to the Sammons tower when I was done and out to the parking garage where I made it out alive!
Now, I don't want to say I have a crush on my doctor but I can tell you this! Everytime I go there he makes me laugh. That's it... someone who can make me laugh... that is what does it for me. It's not money, looks, fast car or Italian Villas... it is a sense of humor and my doc has the best.
(In case you were wondering the other 1/2 of my colon came calling in the middle of Kroger. Thank GOD I had H with me. She held my purse and watched the cart for me as I ran with my legs practically tucked under. After that I ran through FasTaco's drive thru, went home, ate the meat out of one and 1/4 tacos and went to bed.)
So in case you are wondering.. yes I attempted exercise today. I went to the Y and did some water aerobics with the senior crowd. One lady looked at me and said... "I think I am in the wrong class, I thought this was Arthritis Splash." Oh, imagine my thoughts..........................................
Then this nice and VERY fit grey haired lady explained to me everything that was going on. I should have asked for her name because I can tell you that I couldn't keep up. When I was done all I wanted to do, after I sat in the whirlpool, was go home and take a nap. Instead I called my friend LK and stayed on the phone with her for about 1 1/2 hours.
I ran up to the school to see if I could help out and some of the PTA ladies said they were going to Mimis and did I feel like going. I jumped in BW car so fast I couldn't stand it. I ordered the crab cake appetizer. When I got it I thought, this I can do because there are 3 mini crab cakes here with a small salad. I skipped the salad because I can't have raw fruits and veggies. I sat there as long as everyone else and all I ate was 1/2 of ONE. I was stuffed and could not possibly eat anymore. This is really wierd and TOTALLY cool. Everyday I feel more and more better that this surgery was the best solution for me. I just can't wait to be FREE from excess fat. :)
Tomorrow I will be selling t-shirts at the school in the morning wearing my new spirit shirt that FITS!! My friend AG said that I should get the XL because the shirts run kinda big. I dont care if they run big. I am wearing a shirt with ONLY 1 X in the size.
If you knew how huge this feels then you would be jumping up and down and joining me for water aerobics in the am!
YEAH ME!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
August 31, 2010
While thinking about driving to Dallas I remembered about a lady I met while walking the halls after my surgery.
She looked at me and said that I looked really good. I told her "Thank you" and kept walking. She then looked at me and said.. I had gastric bypass done also. I think my mouth dropped a little because the only thing big on this lady was her bulky robe. She then proceeded to tell me that she had her surgery when she was 450 pounds and she has lost 320!!! This time my mouth hit the floor.
I did manage to ask her why she was in the hospital and she told me that she "forgets to eat". HUH?? She explained to me that she NEVER wanted to be fat again so she was afraid to eat. Who would have thought that a woman who once weighed 450 pounds would turn into an anorexic? As I stood in the hallway I felt the urge to hug this lady because for ONCE I felt like someone knew how I felt. I didn't hug her and I regret it. I also regret not getting her contact info because I think I might have been a good support system for her. All I was able to do is say the following... "Please eat. You have worked so hard, you do not deserve to be hooked up to so many ivs and you don't deserve to be in this hospital. You deserve to be enjoying your new life." She told me thank you with a tear in her eye and said that within the next 5 months I should expect to loose 100 pounds or more. WOW! I wonder? Is that really even possible? 100 pounds before my family vacation? How cool would that be????
Now I ask all of my friends... Please don't let me be anorexic... although I really don't think that is even a possibility.....
She looked at me and said that I looked really good. I told her "Thank you" and kept walking. She then looked at me and said.. I had gastric bypass done also. I think my mouth dropped a little because the only thing big on this lady was her bulky robe. She then proceeded to tell me that she had her surgery when she was 450 pounds and she has lost 320!!! This time my mouth hit the floor.
I did manage to ask her why she was in the hospital and she told me that she "forgets to eat". HUH?? She explained to me that she NEVER wanted to be fat again so she was afraid to eat. Who would have thought that a woman who once weighed 450 pounds would turn into an anorexic? As I stood in the hallway I felt the urge to hug this lady because for ONCE I felt like someone knew how I felt. I didn't hug her and I regret it. I also regret not getting her contact info because I think I might have been a good support system for her. All I was able to do is say the following... "Please eat. You have worked so hard, you do not deserve to be hooked up to so many ivs and you don't deserve to be in this hospital. You deserve to be enjoying your new life." She told me thank you with a tear in her eye and said that within the next 5 months I should expect to loose 100 pounds or more. WOW! I wonder? Is that really even possible? 100 pounds before my family vacation? How cool would that be????
Now I ask all of my friends... Please don't let me be anorexic... although I really don't think that is even a possibility.....
August 30, 2010
293! WOW I CANT FREAKIN BELIEVE IT!!!
I have a strange feeling it will be less tomorrow because guess what I did today? That's right the enemas, miralax, benefiber, prunes (no cicles.. just put them in my Ninja and chopped them up like applesauce!)and smooth tea have finally done their job.
I sincerely hope this never happens again! I have never had cramping so bad in all my life!!
Now onto another subject... today is the official day that I can start eating real food. YEAH!!!
So yesterday we went to Costco and I saw something on clearance called "Chunky Chickpeas". Now, I love hummus so I figured... hummus is made from chickpeas so I must like this stuff. When you open the box there are 4 pouches in there. You tear the top and microwave it for 90 seconds.
Ok so this package is 8 oz. and there are 2 servings in each package. For each serving there are 10g of dietary fiber and 9g of protein. Great... I am low on protein.
So I decided to eat the whole package. That is 20g of dietary fiber and 18g of protein. I want to say that this "gluten free, vegetarian approved, kosher" food was so good. I loved all the flavors. The downside.. I am not used to my new system so it took me 4 1/2 hours to finish off the 8 oz. package. I kinda snacked on it like popcorn while watching an afternoon movie. haha
I guess it is going to be strange only being able to eat certain amounts but that is ok.
Tomorrow I get to drive back to Dallas for my 2 week post op appt with Dr. B.
Tonight... I am hoping for a magical genie to come to my house and suck out some more fat and hopefully more poo. ;)
I have a strange feeling it will be less tomorrow because guess what I did today? That's right the enemas, miralax, benefiber, prunes (no cicles.. just put them in my Ninja and chopped them up like applesauce!)and smooth tea have finally done their job.
I sincerely hope this never happens again! I have never had cramping so bad in all my life!!
Now onto another subject... today is the official day that I can start eating real food. YEAH!!!
So yesterday we went to Costco and I saw something on clearance called "Chunky Chickpeas". Now, I love hummus so I figured... hummus is made from chickpeas so I must like this stuff. When you open the box there are 4 pouches in there. You tear the top and microwave it for 90 seconds.
Ok so this package is 8 oz. and there are 2 servings in each package. For each serving there are 10g of dietary fiber and 9g of protein. Great... I am low on protein.
So I decided to eat the whole package. That is 20g of dietary fiber and 18g of protein. I want to say that this "gluten free, vegetarian approved, kosher" food was so good. I loved all the flavors. The downside.. I am not used to my new system so it took me 4 1/2 hours to finish off the 8 oz. package. I kinda snacked on it like popcorn while watching an afternoon movie. haha
I guess it is going to be strange only being able to eat certain amounts but that is ok.
Tomorrow I get to drive back to Dallas for my 2 week post op appt with Dr. B.
Tonight... I am hoping for a magical genie to come to my house and suck out some more fat and hopefully more poo. ;)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
August 29, 2010
295!!
I have to admit that I thought I would have lost more by now. I mean how can anyone who eats as little as I have lately not just drop pounds like nobody's business???
I don't want to say I am discouraged and I don't want to say "I hope this wasn't a mistake!" but there are days, like today, when I wonder what if....
I know I need to stay positive but when your side hurts so much from constipation then you start thinking negatively.
So now here is my question....
When you have tried 2 enemas, miralax and benefiber, what is next? I did the laxative thing but apparently poo via laxative does NOT count. I even ate like 5 prunes. The result... they came out the wrong end. (Apparently my new system DOES NOT like prunes!)
Are there any recommendations out there? I am desperate people!!!
I have to admit that I thought I would have lost more by now. I mean how can anyone who eats as little as I have lately not just drop pounds like nobody's business???
I don't want to say I am discouraged and I don't want to say "I hope this wasn't a mistake!" but there are days, like today, when I wonder what if....
I know I need to stay positive but when your side hurts so much from constipation then you start thinking negatively.
So now here is my question....
When you have tried 2 enemas, miralax and benefiber, what is next? I did the laxative thing but apparently poo via laxative does NOT count. I even ate like 5 prunes. The result... they came out the wrong end. (Apparently my new system DOES NOT like prunes!)
Are there any recommendations out there? I am desperate people!!!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
August 26, 2010
298!!!
I can't freakin' believe it. I have finally made the 2's!
I am really surprised because I am "constipated" still AND it's that time of the month.
I wonder what I will weigh when I finally get "cleansed"???
Wooo Whooo
Somehow I don't feel so shitty today anymore.
Oh, did I mention that when I went to my appt with skinnybitch today thier scale said 301. This mysterious 2 number didn't show up until TONIGHT!!
I know you are not suppose to weigh yourself at night but I just couldn't resist. Are you wondering why I couldn't???? My panties fell off when I put them on!! LOL
I can almost picture myself walking into Victoria's Secret and buying TONS of matching bra & panty sets. That's right... I'm trying to bring sexy back because these "big girl panties" aren't doing anything for me right now.
Watch out world... the hotmommatrain is pulling out of the station and on its way to Sexytown! :)
I can't freakin' believe it. I have finally made the 2's!
I am really surprised because I am "constipated" still AND it's that time of the month.
I wonder what I will weigh when I finally get "cleansed"???
Wooo Whooo
Somehow I don't feel so shitty today anymore.
Oh, did I mention that when I went to my appt with skinnybitch today thier scale said 301. This mysterious 2 number didn't show up until TONIGHT!!
I know you are not suppose to weigh yourself at night but I just couldn't resist. Are you wondering why I couldn't???? My panties fell off when I put them on!! LOL
I can almost picture myself walking into Victoria's Secret and buying TONS of matching bra & panty sets. That's right... I'm trying to bring sexy back because these "big girl panties" aren't doing anything for me right now.
Watch out world... the hotmommatrain is pulling out of the station and on its way to Sexytown! :)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
August 25, 2010
Ok so today my triplets are 8 years old! Since they always have their annual visit on their birthday G is taking them today because I am getting my tube out!
My friend LK agreed to take me after I begged for someone to hold my hand. haha just kidding. LK is the best. I asked her to take me because I was freaked out and she thankfully accepted. So we go to the drs office and I am taking directly to the scale. Ok... was it yesterday or the day before that the scale was 306? Yesterday? I think so. Ok... so I am thinking that the scale is probably going to read higher. The reason?? Mother Nature's Monthly Gift. (Personally I would like to smack the shit out of the person that originally said it was a gift but that's just my opinion!) So, I get on the scale and it says 302! Holy Shit! 4 pounds down from yesterday (or whenever it was) AND I'm bloated! Woo Whooo!!
So I go to lay on the table and the girl takes off my bandage and asks normal questions like... How much has it been draining? When was the last time you drained it? How much was in it? and I'm like "I drained it this morning and the amounts are on that paper."
So as we are waiting in the waiting room I am laying on this table. Now if you know me then you know that I am not a patient person. I HATE to wait. The girl came back in and said that Dr. Barnes was in the OR and he would be over when he was done. Sure enough about 10 minutes later in walked Dr. Takemyfatawaynow. He snipped my stitches and pulled the tube right out. To be honest it didn't really hurt. I mean there were a few stitches that had made themselves comfortable with my skin but it was nothing to scream about. I did almost scream when I saw the other end of my tube. I am not sure how they got that thing in there but it was VERY LONG!!!
So while he is in there I ask... So I have been having this intense cramping. Like I feel like I am dying and I am doubled over in pain. MAJOR CRAMPING HERE. So he asks me where? I point and his answer... "You need to poop!" HUH?? "Seriously, you need to poop, that's it!"
After what seemed like a 10 minute lesson on how the rectum works I left with a knowledge that benefiber and miralax are going to be my new best friends. Oh, that and Protein.
So, LK being the good friend that she is drove me to Target for some benefiber and cupcakes. While there I bought my trio some presents and everyone some new underwear/panties... except h (he only wears Calvin Klein). While walking around Target we ran into our good friend GP. As we were all standing there I realized that my friends are not only gorgeous on the outside but they are gorgeous on the inside. I feel really blessed to have such wonderful friends.
Next stop The Vitamin Shoppe! Oh boy this one I am dreading. Dr. B. scolded me because I am not getting enough protein. So LK wanted to be sure to take me there. This man kept talking up this one that has 50g and it is only 4 oz. I was like.. Cool... that might be an easy one to try. I bought 2 of those and then 2 Protein Blitz ones. In the car, LK insisted that I drink some to get started. Ok let's just say that I drank some and I kept it down. I wish there was some way I could put it into words how horrible this particular one was. However, I can't because that would mean that I would have to relive it and NOBODY should have to relive that stuff... NOBODY!
So now I am on a quest to find a protein supplement that will give me 50g of protein. I am open to all suggestions but my requirements are:
It cannot taste like shit!
If it is in pill form (Preferred) it needs to be rather small, or at least small enough to put in my handy new pill splitter.
Thank you!
My friend LK agreed to take me after I begged for someone to hold my hand. haha just kidding. LK is the best. I asked her to take me because I was freaked out and she thankfully accepted. So we go to the drs office and I am taking directly to the scale. Ok... was it yesterday or the day before that the scale was 306? Yesterday? I think so. Ok... so I am thinking that the scale is probably going to read higher. The reason?? Mother Nature's Monthly Gift. (Personally I would like to smack the shit out of the person that originally said it was a gift but that's just my opinion!) So, I get on the scale and it says 302! Holy Shit! 4 pounds down from yesterday (or whenever it was) AND I'm bloated! Woo Whooo!!
So I go to lay on the table and the girl takes off my bandage and asks normal questions like... How much has it been draining? When was the last time you drained it? How much was in it? and I'm like "I drained it this morning and the amounts are on that paper."
So as we are waiting in the waiting room I am laying on this table. Now if you know me then you know that I am not a patient person. I HATE to wait. The girl came back in and said that Dr. Barnes was in the OR and he would be over when he was done. Sure enough about 10 minutes later in walked Dr. Takemyfatawaynow. He snipped my stitches and pulled the tube right out. To be honest it didn't really hurt. I mean there were a few stitches that had made themselves comfortable with my skin but it was nothing to scream about. I did almost scream when I saw the other end of my tube. I am not sure how they got that thing in there but it was VERY LONG!!!
So while he is in there I ask... So I have been having this intense cramping. Like I feel like I am dying and I am doubled over in pain. MAJOR CRAMPING HERE. So he asks me where? I point and his answer... "You need to poop!" HUH?? "Seriously, you need to poop, that's it!"
After what seemed like a 10 minute lesson on how the rectum works I left with a knowledge that benefiber and miralax are going to be my new best friends. Oh, that and Protein.
So, LK being the good friend that she is drove me to Target for some benefiber and cupcakes. While there I bought my trio some presents and everyone some new underwear/panties... except h (he only wears Calvin Klein). While walking around Target we ran into our good friend GP. As we were all standing there I realized that my friends are not only gorgeous on the outside but they are gorgeous on the inside. I feel really blessed to have such wonderful friends.
Next stop The Vitamin Shoppe! Oh boy this one I am dreading. Dr. B. scolded me because I am not getting enough protein. So LK wanted to be sure to take me there. This man kept talking up this one that has 50g and it is only 4 oz. I was like.. Cool... that might be an easy one to try. I bought 2 of those and then 2 Protein Blitz ones. In the car, LK insisted that I drink some to get started. Ok let's just say that I drank some and I kept it down. I wish there was some way I could put it into words how horrible this particular one was. However, I can't because that would mean that I would have to relive it and NOBODY should have to relive that stuff... NOBODY!
So now I am on a quest to find a protein supplement that will give me 50g of protein. I am open to all suggestions but my requirements are:
It cannot taste like shit!
If it is in pill form (Preferred) it needs to be rather small, or at least small enough to put in my handy new pill splitter.
Thank you!
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